|
How to wean nephew off of being carried
Hi.
I live with my boyfriend, and his mom. His sister had her son about a year ago, and we have a problem. He is all in all a good, healthy little boy who loves to have fun, but he also loves being picked up. If you hold him, and you try to put him down, he cries. If you put him in his play pen and leave him there, he screams at the top of his lungs.
It's been becoming a problem because he's almost 1 (he'll be 1 in like, a week) and he's bigger than most babies his age, and he's a lot heavier than them. It's difficult to carry him for long periods of time, and since my boyfriend's mom watches him while his mom is at work, she's become very exhausted. I would help out, but my boyfriend and I work a lot so we're not always home, and by time we do get home, we're worn out.
How can we wean the baby off of wanting to be carried? I love him, and hate seeing him cry, as does everyone else, but he's becoming too spoiled and too dependent on it and we're all very exhausted. I know we're very much at fault, but we're at our wits end. Any ideas?
Thank you!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
I Have 2 CHILDREN. One girl 5 years old and one boy 3. BOTH BEYOND YOUR NEPHEWS AGE. I KNOW YOU BELIEVE THAT HIM BEING ALMOST 1 YEAR OLD MAKES HIM A "BIG BOY" IN CERTAIN WAYS, BUT THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS HE IS STILL A BABY. HE NEEDS TO BE HELD AND CUDDLED, SO WHEN HE ASKS FOR IT GIVE IT TO HIM. THEY ONLY STAY SO INNOCENT, NEEDY AND LOVABLE FOR SO LONG, SO TAKE ADVANTAGE!! :) MY KIDS WERE THE MOST SPOILED INFANTS AND I TOO STRUGGLED WITH TANTRUMS WHEN PUTTING THEM DOWN, BUT EVENTUALLY THEY GROW OUT OF IT. THEY BECOME DISTRACTED BY FUN TOYS OR TV AND WHAT NOT AND THEY CAN TOTALLY FORGET ABOUT YOU. I REMEMBER PRAYING FOR MY SON TO LET ME PUT HIM DOWN AND NOW HE IS 3 AND HE IS SO BUSY I HAVE TO LITTERALLY BUGG HIM FOR A KISS. MY 5 YEAR OLD TELLS ME SHE NEEDS "ME TIME', LOL. ALL IM SAYING IS TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIS NEEDINESS NOW BECAUSE IT IS PRECIOUS AND DOESNT LAST FOREVER.
AND IF YOU MUST PUT HIM DOWN, TO USE THE BATHROOM, OR SHOWER OR COOK, ETC, PUT ON TELEVISION OR MUSIC OR GIVE HIM A VERY FLASHY TOY. IF HE STILL SCREAMS, GIVE HIM A KISS, WALK AWAY AND HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS. HE WILL LEARN, EASIER SAID THAN DONE, BUT HE WILL.
]
Babies learn early that if they cry someone is going to do something to get them to stop crying. As they get older they use this to get whatever it is they want. Babies are too young to rationalize with and the constant crying causes the parents and other adults to give into the child rather than listen to him/her scream. This crying is the precursor to the terrible two and three year old temper tantrums to come.
As hard as this is to hear and do you have to teach the child that they do not run the house, they cannot always get their way and it is never too early to punish with a time out. When a child cries you check to make sure they are safe, do not need a diaper change and that they are not sick or it is close to feeding time. If none of the preceding is the problem tell the child firmly but calmly that they need to take their nap, stay in their play pen or whatever the case may be and walk away. They may not understand the words at that time but they will learn to understand the intent. Crying is not going to get them what they want.
My son use to scream when in the grocery store, he did not like riding in the cart. He would scream until he saw a young lady, then he would stop, flirt with her and when she was out of sight start screaming again. Yes he was a lady’s man even back then. As much as it bothered us and some of the other shoppers we let him scream and eventually he stopped. He learned screaming only got him a time out in his crib when we got home. Of course he screamed some more at home over the time out.
We all make the mistake of spoiling children especially working parents. We feel we are depriving them of some of the nurturing they are entitled to and tend to over compensate with the time we do have with them. We need to be firm when setting boundaries and it starts as infants by letting them know their screaming is not always going to get them what they want.
One last thing; Sometimes children cry because they are lonely or scared. Being able to see mom or dad when appropriate, say when in their play pen, is all that is needed to calm them.
]
i agree with Razhie.
however i have yet another adaptation to the other two asnwers.
maybe create a new holding time. but call it cuddle time... as he is having that one to one moment.
and as time goes he will get intrested in such things like toys.
i do agree with razhie tho... he needs to learn that he cant be held alot.
its definately something you need to talk with the rest of the adults in the house. as otherwise it could be a
kid "will you pick me up"
adult 1 "no"
*runs to adult two "wil you pick me up"
adult 2 " yes"
so its something you need to makesure the whole family are in on.
in relation to weaning him off being carries i generally recommend getting him invovled in things.. for example a toy. that flashes.. apparently a ballon tied to my ankle or wrist used to do the trick for me.
]
My advice is going to be a bit different, because it sounds like I grew up a home much like yours with a ton of adults in it, and I know it was really, really tough to wean my youngest sister off of being held because there was always someone around who wanted to give in to her crying.
To help her, and us, put her down and make sure none of them many of us gave in to her, we actually set short 'No carry' time periods. Generally these were just before meal time, or just after nap time, so she got a feel for the schedule (and so the adults could keep track of them).
It helped us as act as a loving team, made things less confusing for her and taught her not to run to someone else when she didn't get her way with one of us. So, if you are having trouble organizing the adults to wean her off being carried, I'd totally recommend it.
It was also really useful as she got older, if I was really busy or Mom's hands were full we could say "Sorry Nancy, this has to be a no carry time right now." and she was familiar with that and accepted it better than she would a simple "No."
]
There are two ways to go:
1. Simply refuse to hold the child. He'll adjust and over time, come to expect that no one is going to hold him. He'll scream bloody murder for several days, but he'll " cry it out" and he'll learn.
2. Hold the child as much as possible. Babies need to be held as much as they need food. They need contact with people, skin to skin, and lots of loving. A backpack may help as he gets older. It is impossible to spoil a baby. Trade off as you need to, but every moment he's held makes him feel loved and secure.
I know how hard it can be, but I obviously suggest option #2. In a short time he'll be cruising the house and that will drive you crazy. Enjoy this time whiile he's still a baby.
]
More Questions: |