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People think it was to much.
Female. 15. 10th grade.
This is a story back from my years in the Jr. High (7th grade to 9th grade). People think my band director and I had a little bit of a strange relationship. I was close to him, everyone has their favorite teacher. He was mine. He was a sweetheart, he cared about his students but he was stern when he needed to be, he wasn't a pushover. I am now in the Sr. High band which is a lot more difficult due to competitions and all of the practices but one thing my Sr. High band director brings up a lot is how we weren't trained right in Jr. High, which makes me think of my Jr. High band director. I didn't really think much of the way we acted in Jr. High but looking back on it, our relationship was kinda strange. I guess I'll bullet some of the things that stood out to me.
-In seventh grade I didn't really care what I looked like, so I wore my hair up a lot. When I started wearing it down and making it look pretty like curling it, my teacher noticed and said I looked different, that it was nice.
-If I was late for a class, the teacher would tell me to hurry but they would always ask me to do things for them, I would wind up being late but they would never write me a pass because they warned me to hurry. So, I would walk to the band room and my band director would write them for me.
-If I wanted to skip a class like gym or something, he would excuse me from the class by telling the teacher I needed to practice my instrument, we had a concert coming up or something.
-One day at sectionals, it was me, my close friend and my band director. He sat next to me on the right and my friend sat next to me on the left, two seats over, so it was him-me-empty seat-her. I kept trying this part that I couldn't get down and once I finally got it, I was really excited so I was like "yea yea! woo!" and accidentally put my hand on his thigh, in excitement. I had no intention of making that like a sexual move, it just.. happened. He didn't look shocked nor move my hand, I moved it when I actually realized it was there.
-His office is right in the music suite hallway so he always keeps his door shut to keep the noise of the practicing instruments or chattering kids out. I would go into his office to talk with the door shut and the other kids would look in on us.
-He would know when something was wrong with me, because of the way I acted, I'm usually talkative and happy so he knows when something's up with me and he'd always ask.
-He always called me my full first and last name and I would always tell him he can just call me by my first name but he never did. So, one day I said that I am going to start calling him by his first name and I did sometimes and he didn't seem to mind, when we were with other kids, though, he would tell me that his name was Mr. ___
-Playing the instrument I do put me in the first row for concert band and I would talk A LOT because I sat next to one of my best friends and he would always scold us for talking but smile after. Then at the end of my last Jr. High year he said "sure is gonna be quiet without you.. I'll miss it."
-He had since had his first child when I left for the Sr. High and we had always joked that he was going to have a girl and name her after me and she's going to play the same instrument I do and he joked back he would put her up for adoption if she was ever as talkative as me and I said oh pfft, you love it & he would take a second and say "yea, I guess I do. Makes band more fun."
-He would be walking out of the band suite and I would be walking in, say hello to him and we'd stop in the hallway and talk for a few minutes.
-He let me sit in on his music classes (if you teach band or orchestra you also teach music class) and sit in on his study halls and play on his computer.
-My mom said a few times "if you had this relationship with any other teacher, I would be worried about this."
So? Be completely honest, just don't scold me or yell at me if you think we crossed the line. Do you think we passed the student teacher boundaries? Why do you think that we did or didn't? Maybe he just favored me.. do you think he kinda liked me? Thanks!
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In a sense you did cross the boundaries, but it wasn't into somekind of romantic relationship. It was more like a father-daughter type of thing. And the whole thing about the hand on the leg was just an accident. He probably didn't call it to your attention because he didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, or just make the whole situation more uncomfortable than what it already was.
I do believe that a director or teacher can play favorites, simply because they like the student. Sort of like when someone has friends and then they have best-friends. Your attention tends to be more focused on your best friends and you feel more comfortable with them than your regular friends.
Ofcourse, playing favorites may not be considered a good thing, on behalf of the instructor, because there's an unfair distrubution of attention or preference on the students.
And ofcourse, the teacher won't admit it. Sort of like a person won't admit to his/her regular friend that they prefer to hangout with their best-friend. Yeah cuz it would be kinda mean. :)
I hope you find my answer relative to your questions. :)
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If there was a line, you got awful close. The one thing that was a red flag for me was when you put your hand on his thigh in excitement and he didn't remove it.
--Jack
(18/m)
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ok i answered a question like this.. EXACTLY like this a few days ago.. please skim through other questions before posting... readingf the same answers get boring.
i think you did cross the boundaries. because you were on first name terms. you shut the door (something HE shou.ld have went to open again). the thigh thing.
to be honest i think your teacher could have done more to stop you and balance it out but whatever its not unusal for coach to have more "itimate" relationships than normal teachers. and im saying that because im a cheerelading coach myself. and when i say intimate i mean deeper convosations and stuff.
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Seems like you were a bright student that he was quite fond of. I don't see anything too peculiar or inappropriate with this teacher/student relationship. I don't think there are any boundaries that were crossed.
I've had a couple of teachers (but they were all in college) that I've had that kind of relationship with. These teachers usually care a lot about how the student does in their class, and beyond that class. These are the teachers that you keep in touch with even after you graduate.
Honestly, I think he just favored you, from what you described I don't see anything sexual, or inappropriate.
Only thing I can see wrong with it that it was unfair to the other students because all students should be treated equally.
MAK, 19
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I don't think you guys crossed the line. It wasn't a teacher student relationship though. It was more of a friendship with an adult and a child. There were no sexual remarks or inappropriate touching. You just felt like you trusted him and you could talk to him easily. Everyone has an adult like this and that doesn't mean that you guys are doing inappropriate things. He was just someone you were close with so no I don't think you crossed the line.
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I don't think you crossed the line. It wasn't as if he was making sexual references toward you, etc. It seems that he just really liked you and that you two were friends. He may have liked you, but he didn't take it too far.
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