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My friend was sexually assaulted recently, dont know what to say.
My friend (we are both 16-year-old girls), was recently sexually assaulted by a 15-year-old boy at school who is her ex-boyfriend. The police are involved and so are the teachers and school. (the assault happened at school. It wasnt rape, he just touched her innapropraitely and tried to do stuff. Also the boy and her broke up months ago and he seemed ok with it)
My friend is taking it ok. She is upset and angry and stressed, but she is a very strong girl and hasn't been emotionally affected as bad as people usually are.
The thing is, I dont know what to say to her. When this subject is brought up i dont know what to say. When she told me about it i didnt know what to say. And recently she told me that her dad cant look at her and called her a "slut" and he "cant belive she is her daughter". I think that this is completely outrageous and horrible, but i dont think i should say that to my friend because it is her father.
I just need advice on what to actually say. Should I just say nothing at all? What if she just says "I dont know what to do" which she does say alot. How do I respond to that? How do I respond to someone telling me they have been sexually assaulted by their ex?
I just need to know what to say and how to comfort her.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
She's going to be pulled in a million different directions by people with good intentions. Almost all will have opinions of what she do and advice. Most have never experienced what she has.
She's alone in that sense in navigating. That's why the advice giving and the "what should I do?" answer should be given by a professional. Or, one could ask "what do you want to do?" and listen.
The best thing you can do is tell her that you are there for her and willing to listen. Offer nothing but your ears unless she asks. That's what she needs in a friend right now and isn't getting as a lot of people have her attention who aren't offering much help though they think they are by just talking.
Nobody can expect you to have all the answers or know what to say in response to this. That's why you should listen carefully, stay quiet and only offer when asked such a question an answer carefully though out. She needs a friend who will listen and be a shoulder to lean on. The others aren't really providing that.
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Honestly, this is less about talking and more about listening. Your friend more than advice probably needs a safe, non-judgemental rock to retreat to when she needs someone to share things with that she can't with anyone else.
That's you.
Tell her that you're there for her whenever she needs, and that anything she tells you will never be heard by another living soul. Ask her how things are going occasionally and listen. Don't try to solve her problems, just try to be someone she can trust to stand with her through them. The things you should say to her are just your honest opinions you've already said here. Keep up the quiet message that this isn't her fault. Keep letting her know that her father is wrong without attacking him.
And her "I don't know what to do" statements? Tell her that she needs to think about it when she can, and she needs to talk to someone about it when she can, and otherwise just try to put it behind her as best she can. Ask her what she's feeling and thinking, and when she tells you let her know that you understand (as best you can) and that shit is going to be OK.
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I am very sorry that this happened to your friend and I'm sure it is difficult for her, really the only thing that you can do is to be there for her. Let her know that you are always there to listen, let her know that it wasn't her fault, and that she should just ignore what her father is saying to her. It is probably just really hard on him and he doesn't know how to react and how to deal with it.
You say that she hasn't been as "emotionally affected" as most people would be, this could be a bad thing? She may be repressing the whole thing and hiding her feelings, lots of people deal with it in this way. Let her know that it is okay to be upset and to voice her emotions and frustrations, keeping them in will only hurt her in the long run. If she says, "I don't know what to do." just tell her to keep pushing through, live her life. Just because this happened to her doesn't mean that she has to be a victim, it can make her a stronger person in the long run. It wasn't her fault it happened, but it shouldn't end her life because it did. You may also want to tell her that if she feels like she can't talk to anyone, maybe she could see a counselor. They can be very helpful with things like this and they can help her to deal with her emotions and even her father.
I Hope I Helped :)
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When she brings it up just listen to her. Remind her that she doesn't deserve to be treated that way. Sometimes people who go through things like that just need a friend who will listen to them and remind them about their good qualities. If you feel awkward and you really feel stuck for words, tell her that you know nothing you can say can make it better, and you may not always know what to say, but you're there for her and you care about what happens to her. Let her know you have her back no matter what. I'm sure that would mean a lot to her.
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