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what do i say to my friend (she cries about her past)?
My friend was physically abused by her boyfriend when she was about 15. He hit her a lot and put her in hospital. THey are definately not going out now.
My friend (lets call her Ana) is still haunted by the abuse. She says that when she closes her eyes she sees him coming at her. She has been to a psychiatrist, it helped a little, but she is still scarred by it. One day Ana came up to me and she was very upset and about to cry. Ana told me that she was upset because she had an emotional talk to one of my other friends (lets call him Michael) about it. Michael wasnt a very good help, although he thought he was doing the right thing, he told her that the best thing to do was to try and get over it and just "put on a brave face". This really upset Ana and she got mad at Michael, because she doesnt want to pretend its all ok when it isnt. Michael was abused as a kid so he thought he knew what to say and he thought he was doing the right thing.
The main point of this question is, what should I say to Ana when she occasionally gets upset about her past? She has already been to a shrink and gets help, so i dont need to give her advice like that. Usually I just give her a long hug and try to comfort her, I tell her "You are safe now" but i dont know what else to say. Is this the right thing to say?
What should I say to Ana when she gets upset about her past?
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your telling her the righgt thing by saying shes safe now because she is somtimes its best not to say anything. just letting her cry on a shoulder she can trust will help her. sometimes hugs can replace words just be there for her. rember time heals all.
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If she is still in any contact with her boyfriend then she needs to DUMP HIM. You never stated whether she was still with him or not. If she is, Then it will continue to haunt her until she moves on. I myself have come from a 5 year relationship that was abusive.
1. She needs to cut all ties with this guy and move on
2. Stop talking about him the more she talks about him the more she is still going to replay bad memories and the harder it will be for her in the long run. Talking about bad memories is what her therapist is for.
3. As hard as it is apart of moving on is excepting what already happened, Not all guys are assholes and it will take her to have a healthy relationship to begin to see that
Sit down and talk to her, If she cries then she cries at least she is letting it all out. You need to tell her that she has to be strong and move forward, It's over now. As everyone heals at their own pace. We all know it is not okay for what happened to her but at the same time she needs to put it behind her and focus on now.
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