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How to nicely convince girlfriend to lose weight
Hi
I have been going out with my girlfriend for about a year. I am very physically active, and I don't expect my girlfriend to do as much as I do but lately I really am having trouble talking to her about weight.
I love my girlfriend's personality, but I have problem with her being overweight. I don't expect her to look like a model, and I don't mind if she's a little chubby, but I really have a problem with her being overweight and it's a huge pet peeve of mine. She has been trying to cut back, but she hasn't really lost weight. Its sad because she used to be really in shape and do gymnastics. I also try to do activities with her but she doesn't like doing them. I feel like it would be dumb to break up with her just because of the weight thing, but she just isn't losing weight and it's been 4 months now since she started trying to.
My question is, how can I help her get in shape without her getting angry at me? I feel like I'm being a jerk when I say she should run and work out, but it is super important to me. Also she doesn't want to use any drugs to lose weight. What ways can I help to convince her to get in shape?
Any suggestions on my situation would be valuable to me.
Thanks a bunch
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If she has gained an unhealthy amount of weight in a short period of time, I'd be willing to bet she's struggling with underlying emotional issues that are presenting themselves in the form of overeating/binge eating.
How do you mention her weight and getting in shape without her getting angry? You don't. If she used to be "really in shape and do gymnastics" I'm sure she's aware, and probably not too thrilled with, the way her body has changed.
If you're as eloquent in person as you are in your writing I'd suggest keeping your thoughts to yourself for the moment. Your reasons for wanting her to lose weight are purely selfish ones, and trying to pretend otherwise will be blindingly obvious and extremely hurtful.
To be completely honest, I'd be more inclined to suggest ways to broach such a sensitive topic had you expressed any concern for her well being at all, be it emotional or physical.
The health risks of being overweight aren't mentioned - but your "pet peeve" of having an overweight girlfriend is.
You show a complete disregard for why she may be putting on so much weight. Focus less on her waistline, and more on her happiness, or lack thereof, and see what you notice. I think you'll be surprised.
She doesn't want to use any drugs to lose weight? Good for her, and shame on you for even considering such an unhealthy approach.
Until you can find less self serving purposes for encouraging her to lose weight, put a sock in it. In the meantime, it'd probably be a good idea to re-evaluate what is important to your relationship, and act accordingly.
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Bring up health issues. Say that being overweight could lead to obesity, diabetes, heart problems, cholesterol, etc. Say that you're worried about where her weight is going & you want to help her out because you're worried about her.
You could always try going for a walk. Is there a park nearby? Walk there, play around, go for a swim, etc. Doing healthy activities like this can really help out.
To be honest though, if you really loved your girlfriend, you'd be able to look past her weight issues. Not everyone can lose weight in the blink of an eye and for you to be upset because it's taken 4 months and there's been little to no progress is kind of absurd. It makes you look like a dick. :) Just giving you a suggestion on your situation!
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Dont tell her too lose weight, unless you want to get dumped or smacked across the face. Tell her you want to join a gym to get in shape, (even if you dont need too) Ask her if she will join with you for support. Easy way too spend more time with her and you tricked her into losing weight. Make sure you also say, it would mean the world to you. It is reverse psycology.
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She can't and won't lose weight just because you want her to. I've tried it before, and it doesn't work. The only way she will lose weight and keep it off is if she's doing it for herself.
Try talking to her. Be blunt, but not nasty. Let her know that you're worried about her health because she's gained some weight. Ask her if she's happy with where she is, and what you can do to help her.
If she is happy at her current weight then you're just going to have to either swallow your opinions or break up with her. It's her body, and you don't have the right to make her feel bad about it. However, if she's not happy at her current weight but isn't trying to lose, there could be other problems. She could be depressed, she could have an eating disorder (they don't make everyone skinny). Whatever it is, she should see a doctor, because if she's legitimately eating less she should be losing.
You've got to stop pushing her to do more, because her instinct will be to push back. Also, keep in mind that what you do might be too intense for her. For instance, I can't do much more than walk right now because I'm seriously overweight, even though I'm trying to lose. My fiance kept trying to get me to go jogging, go to the gym, etc, and I hated it because it made me miserable and actually physically hurt me. Even his walking pace was too much for me in the beginning. I spent the entire time huffing and puffing and trying to catch up to him... not fun!
You need to find something that she enjoys. If she can't do any more than just walk for 15 minutes right now, do that with her. You can work it up to little hikes, longer walks, and once she starts losing more she'll find other, more strenuous activities more appealing. Nothing is worse than running or jogging when you're an overweight female - jiggling is both painful and humiliating.
Right now, I'm on a plan where I eat fewer calories, cook healthy meals and walk for about an hour and a half a day. The most important part of it, though, is that my fiance is right there with me. He doesn't sit there and eat cheeseburgers in front of me while I eat a salad. He's not jogging while I walk. You may need to make sacrifices to your own routine and lifestyle to keep in step with hers.
One little change she can make that will work wonders is to look at what she's drinking. Cutting out pop (diet and regular), juice and alcohol can make an enormous difference. Drinking lots of water helps you to lose water weight.
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Most woman have huge insecurity problems when it comes to their weight, and for many it is their most touchiest subject.
I think you should try to help her by doing more outdoor activities. She would probably accomplish more if you two were to work at it together, Don't bluntly come out and tell her you think she needs to loose weight. I think it is a little shallow of you to even think about how dumb it would be if you broke up with her just because of her weight. By you saying such a thing tells me that you have actually thought about it. I'm not going to say you are being a jerk, but thinking about dumping someone because of their weight issues is certainly a jerky thing to do if you were to go through with it. Instead of going out to eat, Cut back on how much you eat out. If she brings up why you mentioned it just simply tell her that you think it would be a better way to save on money and you think it would be more fun if you two were to make a dinner together. If you keep on nagging her to loose weight, It's only a matter of time before she eventually gets fed up with it.
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Tell her you're getting concerned about her health and that you want her to be around for a really long time, so you think you both should start eating healthy and getting more active. Schedule an appointment with her doctor if you need to, for him/her to back you up.
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Try taking her on fun active dates, not necessarily exercising, but just activities that get her active! try rock climbing, take her on a picnic where you guys have to walk a significant distance, go hiking, try swimming and playfully ask her to race, take her to a roller skating/ice skating rink, etc. also when you guys go out to dinner, try eating healthier, or make her dinner at home using healthier ingredients. the worst thing you can do is tell her she needs to lose weight. this will lower her self esteem and probably cause her to eat more because she is feeling insecure.
its going to take a little bit, but the more active dates you go on, the more it is going to pay off. your not going to get results in the begining but if you play it up and challenge her she will be more willing to work harder. ease in to it and dont seem like you are forcing her to do anythinng. in the mean time focus on all the things you love about her and try not to focus on her weight so much!
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