|
Need comebacks for ppl who are not meaning to be rude to my non-redhead son
I am a redhead and grew up hating it because I was different than the rest of my family. I never felt like I fit in at all. I love it now, but back then, I wanted to dye it brown so that I would be like everyone else.
Well now I have an almost-3-year-old son who has sandy brown/blonde hair and a 5.5 month old son whose hair matches mine perfectly. I knew that someday people would start commenting, but I didnt realize it would be so soon. We went to the doctors office and she said to my 5 month old "look at that hair!" and then to my 3 year old "where's your red hair?" He didnt understand (he did say "I dont know") but I know that, one of these days, he's going to feel like people are saying that he doesnt belong with us and they are singling him out for being different.
I dont necessarily want to be rude back, but I do want for these people to know that they are being rude. I want something that will be appropriate for him to say in later years too.
The only thing I can come up with is something like "I shared" which doesnt nearly get the point across. I dont know what kind of response these idiots are looking for anyways. They just say things like this to make the person uncomfortable. They deserve to be made to feel uncomfortable/stupid in return.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
For your son's sake, respond with a positive celebration. Something up beat like "He's got hair just like Dad/grandpa/all his own." or "He sat so well for the barber and looks so handsome doesn't he?"
You are right that these people are being rude, but it's just that: rude. Not malicious or intentionally cruel, but carelessly rude. It's best not to let your anger colour your response to them, because very small children have this amazing ability to make everything 'their fault', and he’ll sense your anger and assume he’s the one who is wrong.
When he gets a even a little bit older, he’ll manage just fine on his own, with a roll of the eyes and with your support to identify this behaviour as rude, he’ll learn shrug it off and come up with comebacks of his own. However, three years is a bit young to understand that adults misbehave sometimes. For now, try not to pass on your own anger over hair colour and give him something to celebrate.
I came from a mixed family, where most of the kids weren’t related by blood, and man did I learn to deal with “Are you twins?” and “Why aren’t you a blonde?” and “You can’t be sisters! You look nothing alike!” but my mother was awesome about it. She always smiled and say “I assure you, they ARE sisters. I would know.” And “No, only Nanc is blonde, but doesn’t Cher have the loveliest hair cut? And look, she just got her ears pierced.” Doing this taught us to celebrate ourselves. Ignorant and rude questions where still ignorant and rude, but they never hurt us, because we were taught to always celebrate ourselves, and ignore silly rudeness from others.
These people might deserve to be made to feel uncomfortable, but I can’t imagine how you can do that and give your son the support he needs. Any venom you spit at them will catch him too, even in a small way. Put his needs first and don’t let this issue become his to bare. Give him things to celebrate about his physical appearance and teach him in age-appropriate ways to be polite to others, and to deal respectfully with rudeness.
]
You're making a mountain out of a molehill. And you're projecting your own childhood insecurities onto your son. He does not need protecting from the things you were afraid of as a kid that you can look back and realize were inconsequential. You are being a helicopter parent.
Plus, he's a boy. He's not going to give two shits. Neither should you. The biggest thing here, is that if you protect him from stupid crap like this he's going to learn to be worried and concerned about it, and he's going to feel different because you made him sensitive to it. Kids are sponges, they absorb things from their parents.
Don't let him absorb fear, and don't let him see you "protecting him from being different". Its just going to make him wonder why he needs to be protected in the first place down the line, make him wonder if he actually is different.
:Edit:
Its not my fault that you're beyond rational logic. If you'd like to avoid time wasting in the future perhaps you should not pose questions to which you do not want real answers?
They're not being rude. You're oversensitive and you're going to damage your kid when it rubs off on them. Have fun raising children with anxiety problems.
]
Hey,
First of all you said you felt like you don't fit in, understand we were not made to fit in with this world, it wasnt meant for us.
Second of all, don't worry that his hair is red, it is good to be different. According to my biology teacher, red hair is rare genetic and not many people have red hair. SO therefore, you both should be proud to be a big part of science.
I know people may make fun of him in the future, but don't worry cross that bridge when you all come to it. In the meantime, just love your son and make sure he knows that he is loved, self esteem starts at home. :D
]
Edited answer:
Clearly your ranking everyone a two, because they have misunderstood your question. Make it clear for others to read that you are refering to your older son, because your question is confusing. Im sorry i couldnt answer it correctly :)
Orignial answer:
If it was an eye-for-an-eye, the whole world would be blind. I say you take a more responsible approach. Teach your children that having red hair, is a beautiful, and unique asset. Once you boost his confidence up, he can figure out what to say, because he will like it and be comfortable with it. I know thats probabaly what you didnt want to know, but i think its the best advice i can give.
hope everything turns out well :)
]
your son has taken on the genes from his grandparents. you didn't get the genes from your parents but it skipped you and passed down to your son. soo.. someone wants to be stupid and come up to you and ask a stupid question like that that then they aren't very smart. chances are their kid probably as one green eye and one blue eye.
"You are very good at observing the obvious. Thanks for noticing how different my sons are they are beautiful boys aren't they. oh what's that? where's his red hair? he wasn't born with it. as you can see they skipped me and he got them. his grandparents had brown hair. oh look you have a pimple." lol i don't know..it could be something because it's a dumb question really "oh where's your red hair?" umm...where's your common sense? your son is healthy boy and what others think should even matter. like i said chances are they are making others uncomfortable because they aren't comfortable with their own family.
]
More Questions: |