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Getting "saved"?
Hey, so, I have this boyfriend who I've been going out with for about 3 months now. He's the sweetest guy I've ever met and a die hard Christian. I go to church with him every Wednesday night, and our friends tag along. I've been a Christian for most of my life, but there was this period during middle school where I wasn't exactly sure if it was really the right thing for me. I think I may still have a few doubts, but I go with him anyway because all our friends go to, and I figure it might change my mind eventually. However, my boyfriend keeps pressuring me to get saved and give my life to Christ, but I don't think I'm ready for it yet. I've told him multiple times that I feel like he's pushing me into it, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Now it's gotten to the point where I either do it, or he breaks up with me. I don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment. I love this boy, and I have no clue what to do. Any suggestions?
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If you are not ready your not ready, and you need to tell him flat out, other wise if you give in while your not ready, you are just showing him that you will give in to anything as long as he puts your relationshipon the line, if you want to then think things through and get to know god better, but if he pushes you into being saved then you wont really be saved, you have to do it when you want to. So I hope I helped :)
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I agree with many of the columnists below me, are you KIDDING me? Your choice should be obvious. Do you really think it's fair that he's asking you to do something that you're not 100% sure about? Religion isn't something ANYONE should pressure someone else into. Everyone has their own beliefs and your boyfriend is being a huge ***hole for asking you to get 'saved'. Who does he think he is threatening that he'll dump you if you don't do this. You've only been with him for three months, I highly doubt you love him and that he loves you. Him asking you to do something like that should have taken place years from now, not three months into a relationship. If you're not ready for that type of commitment, then end it. He obviously doesn't want you for you, otherwise he wouldn't be asking this of you. He wants to mold and shape you into the person HE believes you should be, and that's not what a relationship is about.
Be smart, dump his ass please.
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Dump him.
I'm sorry to say, but your boyfriend is a prick and is part of the reason why I am not religious. I have nothing against religion, but there are some people out there who just try to force it on others when that is not what some people are interested in. It makes it very hard to be nice and sometimes even be taken seriously as a religious person when there are people like that around. I know not all religious people are like that, many are very open but then there are the few that are also very pushy and rude and not at all like how a religious person should be.
Anyway, with that being said... If it makes you uncomfortable and you are not sure if you want to be a die hard Christian, then it probably isn't for you. You already believe in God and are already a Christian, why do you need to be die-hard? You don't. It's okay to believe in God but still be able to do things for you without making every decision based on the Lord. I think that if you don't want to go all out and you are uncomfortable with the idea, don't do it. Chances are that you'll end up regretting it and it'll make you unhappy. Do whatever you are comfortable with. Do not let some guy who you've been dating for 3 months control you or manipulate you.
If he's really willing to end the relationship because you won't commit your life to a religion, then he has issues and he doesn't deserve you. If he really loved you, he would not be pushing you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. And if he really loved you, he would take your feelings into consideration and leave you alone about it if you said no. Since he is not willing to respect your decision or your feelings, it's best if you end the relationship. You'll be better off that way.
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Dump him first?
I'm sorry, I know that isn't helpful, however, a guy who will dump you (or even threaten to dump you) because you are acting in accordance with your own conscience, and trying to be respectful of his beliefs, and honest about yours, is an immature, controlling, brat who deserves a swift kick in the ass. He has no say over your spiritual life, and it's very wrong of him to behave this way.
If this is how he behaves after three months, can you imagine what he might try to blackmail you into doing after three years? Would he dump you for dressing wrong? Would he dump you if you choose the wrong college? The wrong friends? Would you live in constant fear of being ditched by him each time you don't do what he thinks is right?
That's not a boyfriend, that's a bully.
If he doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't 'saved', that is his right, and he should end the relationship. If you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who tries to bully you into their particular brand of religious conversion, that is your right, and you should dump him.
I'm am less optimistic then Peeps. I doubt you'll be able to talk him out of this extreme stance. The fact that he is taking such a hardline position, and so early in your relationship, makes me think he wont be budging from it. Unfortunately, the two of you are just incompatible right now. You should probably end this relationship because he is not respectful of you, or your personal growth, and because he is demanding something you can't (and shouldn't) give him.
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If he breaks up with you because you are not ready yet than he obviously doesn't love you that much. You need to tell him to qit pressuring you about it and when you are ready you will do it.
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You need to tell him, flat-out, that pressuring someone to believe your beliefs only creates lies and hidden aggression. Explain to him that you CAN do what he wants but it will be you lying to him.
If you do what he wants then you'll be lying to him and not truthful about your lifestyle. If you're not ready to "give your life to Christ" then you're not going to no matter what words come out of your mouth--if it isn't true in your heart then it's just a lie.
God is more important than some boy and what he believes is right for you. If you're not ready to commit to Him then just don't even pretend to do it. Living a lie doesn't create any happiness.
Tell your boyfriend that you can do without him if that is what it comes down to. Your relationship with God is between you and God and if you aren't ready to commit to Him then you just aren't--plain and simple.
This is the reason many people dislike "Christians." Nobody likes to be bullied into anything. Nobody likes to be cornered with something so serious like this.
Being pressured into a certain religious belief can crush the Truth for you later. Many Christians need to realize this--pressuring does not create truth, but only hidden resentment. By pressuring someone like this you may take their opportunity to actually find and follow God later in life--because they become cold toward the entire idea of God's love. This pressure being put on you may lead to a much greater struggle within yourself down the road and your boyfriend really needs to get that through his head.
Know that not all believers are like your boyfriend. Many of us know all too well that loving God is not an overnight thing. Many of us understand that it takes YOU to WANT to love God before you are able to. Many Christians have been where you are now--confused by the pressure of someone else's religious beliefs.
If you're interested in Christianity then read the Bible on your own and seek guidance when you need some more insight to the passages. If you find God later in life then terrific (and I do hope you do when you are ready to give ALL of you)!
This relationship is unhealthy if it centers around you NEEDING to believe in what he believes when you simply do not at this time. You both need to realize that. Please explain this to him and make your ultimatium--Stop the pressure to become saved or move on to someone else who already believes as he does.
Please do not let this experience ruin your overall idea of Christianity. We aren't all die-hard, as you describe. Loving and believing in God means realizing that all will happen in His time. He will give you the signs and signals throughout your lifetime to help you open your eyes, and it's a sad thing to overlook them because of previous bad experiences with people you trusted about God. Helping someone come closer to God means teaching them and assisting their understanding of Him. It means helping them to open their eyes to all God is surrounding us. It means setting a good, strong example of the love God has for us so that other people will want to open their eyes and minds to Him. It doesn't mean scaring another person into "believing."
And know that the pressure your boyfriend is putting on you is something he has probably been taught for years. He has been taught that loving someone else means helping them to God. Many believers do not understand that helping does NOT mean pressuring. Try to help him understand this, even if the relationship is going to come to a close.
It is also very possible that this has to do with beliefs as well. Christians, typically, believe that they should only be coupled with other believers, which makes a fair amount of sense. It is also extremely helpful for compatiability reasons to be with someone of the same religious beliefs. If he believes that he should only be with another Christian then it is really better if you two part ways now.
The right thing to do in this situation is to talk to him about this and help him to understand where this is going sour. Based on your mature discussion you two should be able to make a choice for the future of this relationship. If it just cannot work out then don't pressure it to but know that you did all you could to salvage what was left.
Love means being honest with your partner and not pretending to be someone your not on their behalf. Love means helping eachother improve on personal levels and showing them a better way in how to do certain things. In some cases, it just isn't the right time for love. Talk it out and decide together.
I hope all is well in the future and you will be ready to commit to God sometime in your lifetime. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me directly :)
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