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um, prude?
14/f
i've never had a boyfriend
(so ive never kissed anyone or done anything like that)
i have commitment issues...as in im really scared of a realtionship. i REALLY dont know what to do about it...i mean ill be SO excited because i know that a certain guy likes me, and i get really happy when there talking to me (ive been asked out enough to recognize the "asking out" conversation...) and then they ask me out....and my heart skips a beat and i tell them what i always say: maybe...i have to think about it. and then end up saying no or just letting it fade away without ever giving them an answer
it really kills me because i would do anything for a boyfriend...but apparently i just cant handle the commitment...i like the freedom im flirting with a bunch of guys without worrying about cheating.
i guess subconsciously i sort of believe once im in a relationship thered be NO way out. also, since im a perfectionist, i notice little flaws in the boys that ask me out, which does NOT work for me
i know i probably sound incredibly shallow and probably bipolar but i cant really help it...its just very confusing and i dont know how to get over my fears.
thanks for any help you have :)
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You're basically living my life. At least, up until a few months ago.
Whenever a guy would start to like me, I subconsciously became a bitch to them to get them to stop liking me. Not because I couldn't handle commitment, though, because I had trust issues. I was convinced that any guy who I would start to like would let me down and leave me out in the cold. Because, if I was 13, they probably would have, us being so young. So I avoided relationships totally. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, I avoided a hell of a lot of heartbreak. But because I was doing this subconsciously -- I only realized I was doing this a while back -- I thought it was some other massive flaw of mine that made all guys stray away from me, not just the few that started to like me that I was rude to.
But really, that was my heart telling me I wasn't ready for a boyfriend. Until I overcame my trust issues on my own, without anyone's help, I wouldn't be able to be a good girlfriend and handle being in a healthy relationship. Until you overcome your commitment issues, you won't be able to, either.
It doesn't come all at once. The more you think you've overcome it, you haven't. The steps you realize you're taking are baby steps. The biggest steps are the ones you don't even realize and you look back weeks or months later and say, wow, I wouldn't have been able to do that a year ago.
When the time is right and the right guy asks you out, you won't even hesitate with a "maybe later". You will yes him to death, or at least you'll want to.
I never let a guy get close to me. I don't even have many good guy friends. But I swear, God was on my side when one day, a short while after my 16th birthday, this boy and I met out of fate. He made the first few moves, and that made me trust him. Everything about him was trustworthy. I felt like I could put my life in his hands and he would return it unscathed. We've been dating ever since. One day you'll meet a guy that breaks your defenses just like my guy broke mine.
God bless hon, I hope I helped :)
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next time someone asks, and your about to say no, just stop yourself and say yes. you might wind up really liking the guy and be with him for a long time, or you guys could hang out like twice and you decide you dont like him that much, so end it. really relationships as a teen arent serious so you can just end it and get in a new one and do that like ten times and its not serious.
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when i was youre age i was the same way. and everytime i finally said yes to a guy id just be like... uhhh nevermind. you really dont need to be worryin about guys that much, because most relationships at this age just end and you get hurt. whats the point of that ?
i reallly dont like boyfriends either, and i just like havin a good time. im 16, and im just happy single. relationships are too much work and stress for girls our age because are hormones are goin crazy and its just askin to get hurt.
honestly, just work on gettin to know yourself and find out what you really want in a guy personality-wise. then the rest should work itself out. :) good luck.
x sweeethoney
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Well you need to overcome that fear...sadly we all get hurt and it sucks but it happens. You're ONLY 14 you're young having a commitment would be like getting married which you don't have to. Relationships are fun and great ways to learn and maybe even find love. If you want a boyfriend then start dating someone don't continue shutting out guys. Just try it! You say you want freedom and that you want a boyfriend? Well I think at this point you need to just think about which one you want because can't really have both. Plus you're only 14 you're young there are a lot more boys that will be asking you out on dates in the future as you continue high school and even in college.
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No there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your only fourteen years old. You have a long time yet before you have to worry about becoming an old maid. There's nothing wrong with being picky. I don't get why people remark on there so picky. Seesh. You have a right to be as picky as you want. Don't date the first guy that asks you out. In fact, I encourage you to play the field. Flirt with guys until you find one that you really like. In time you will. There is nothing wrong with being called prude. A lot of guys just say that just to get in a girl's pants. There's stds and pregnancy to worry about, so if anything take it as a complement. And no don't worry about guys thinking your a lesbian. At fourteen, guys are really the last thing you should be worried about. Your fine and completely normal. Don't change.
xoxo,
dottie4
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I had the same exact problem as you. I did not have my first kiss until I was 16. The most important thing in the world to me was to have a relationship. Yet every time I had an opportunity to go on a date, or have a boyfriend I found a reason to end it. I sabotaged every chance I had until I was 17. Through out my late middle school/and most of my high school life I was depressed. Although this was not the only cause, it was a major contributor. Do not let this happen to you. You have to take a chance, get out of your comfort zone. No one is perfect, you are not going to be head over heals for someone right away. But that does not mean you shouldn't date them, maybe you'll find some other qualities you did not see on the surface. I know its hard but you have to do it. Even if it doesn't work out, you will learn a lesson, have more experience, and be a better person because of it. I forced my self to do this. I made up a million reasons why i didn't like this one kid. Told myself if it was meant to be I would know it right away. But i stuck with it in spite of his flaws. We dated unofficially for a bit, then became official, and now I am in love with him. I would still be lonely if I did not face my fears and just deal with it. You are not prude, don't listen to what others say, just do things for yourself. Take chances. It will pay off in the end, even if it doesn't work out at first trust me. Hope I could help <3. Feel free to message me with any other concerns!
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