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How do I tell my parents my brother is smoking pot?
My parents are having some really bad marital problems right now. It sounds like they are going to be getting a divorce soon, but they are still living in the same household with me and my little brother. I am 17 and my brother is 15, by the way.
My parents are always fighting and they sleep in different rooms. My dad sleeps in the living room on the couch and my mom sleeps in the bedroom. I have my own room and so does my brother, by the way. Mom just started working nights while my dad works mornings so they just don't interact any more than they have to.
Two days ago I found my brother smoking pot. I know he's 15 and lots of kids his age are turning to weed but, let's face it, it isn't good and it isn't the best way to cope. I know he's stressing out over Mom and Dad but drugs can lead to serious problems in the future. Weed is illegal, too, and I don't want him to get in trouble with the police. He begged me not to tell Mom or Dad about it and confessed that he's been smoking pot for like 2 months now or more.
I want to tell my parents because it just isn't good for anyone. They need to start paying more attention to us, I think. I don't want my brother to find safety in smoking weed. I want him to be able to rely on the family.
What do I do? How do I tell my parents what is going on with my brother? How can I explain to them that he's turning to drugs because they are not here for us any more and haven't been since they started fighting?
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I agree with Susie. You are an awesome sister with a great head on your shoulders. Don't listen to anyone who tells you that your parents don't need to know. They are obviously not a parent.
You answered your own question. You tell it to them straight - they aren't kids (even if they are self-focused at this time). Tell them just like you told us, "He's turning to drugs because you are not here for us any more and haven't been since you started fighting."
Also, I've seen parents not respond to their children's issues because they're caught up in their selfish problems. Your brother needs you. Tell him you love him and he has to stop smoking pot as it will lead no where, will ruin his ambition, and he has his whole life ahead of him. Get him to talk to you and try to advise him rather than co-miserate with him. Try to get him involved in a sport or other activity where he can get a mentor coach and be around other clean-living kids.
Someone has to be an adult...right now it is you and you will be rewarded in your life for your good judgment.
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Please do not listen to some of this "advice" that is negative or insults you. So lame are they and should be ashamed to call you names.
This is happening to my sisters family. They're a mess. I think you should talk to your parents about your brother. They are so tied up in their own drama and mess, they are not thinking too straight right now. I'll bet when you sit them both down they will have to face what they are doing to you guys. Your brother is lucky to have you. I think you should leave a note to your mom and one for you dad and kind of make an appointment and let them know you need to speak to both of them and that it's very important. You sound like a very mature person and I'm very proud of you. You are probably the most mature person in the house right now. Keep up the good work, keep your spirits up. I know it seems really tough right now, but life has a million ups and downs. I think this situation and every tough situation you go through in life will only add to your knowledge and wisdom of life. You will only be a stronger person for going through this. Again, I am very proud of you. You take care and continue being brave, ok?
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I really think you're going about this the wrong way. Your intentions seem good, but I get the feeling that you're very close to making a bad situation even worse. Your parents are already stressed out, working a lot, and not communicating very well. The last thing they need is to find out that their 15 year old son is smoking pot, but it's their responsibility so they do need to deal with it sooner rather than later. Your brother is very young and it seems like he's turned to weed to A) deal with the stress of the situation in your household and B) to experiment with something that a lot of his friends are probably doing. Contrary to what a lot of people on this site will say, it's honestly not the end of the world.
I get the feeling that you, more so than your brother, are craving your parents' attention. It seems like you're almost excited to tell them about his new hobby because it'll get their focus off of themselves and back on to you guys (more so you). Unfortunately, that's not going to work. You're not going to be the hero. Not only is your brother going to be very angry with you, but your parents will be even more stressed out. I'm sure you love your brother, but it's not your problem. This is your parents' news to find out. I would suggest that you talk more openly with your brother and get into his head. Find out what's going on with him before you get him in trouble and make his situation even worse. With his parents fighting and his sister ready to sabotage him, no wonder he's turned to smoking pot.
Maybe if you show your brother some support and let him know that he can come to you with his troubles, he won't need to turn to pot to unwind. You're right, he does need to rely on his family, but why would he do that if his family feels more like soldiers in battle than a support system? Talk to your school's guidance counselor and get their opinion on this matter. That might help you and your brother out a lot. Let a professional deal with these issues while you deal with being 17. I'm sure you have a lot of stuff to figure out too. Maybe talking to the guidance counselor can help with that as well. They might contact your parents and help set up some kind of family counseling, which could benefit everyone. Don't be afraid to open up about you. You count too.
I'm sorry that your parents are fighting so much and that they're not paying enough attention to you and your brother. Instead of talking to them about him, talk to them about how you feel. Maybe that will help ease some of the tension and help remind them that in addition to taking on the roles of husband and wife, they also took on the roles of dad and mom. Regardless of how their marriage works out, they need to get their priorities straightened out immediately. I don't think you guys should take a backseat to their frustrations. Also, when I was a very young teen, my parents decided to divorce and I was very happy about it. It relieved a lot of tension in my house and everyone was so much more peaceful. Sometimes divorce can be a healthy step to take.
Good luck!
PS: Smoking pot has never killed anyone. It's by far the most normal thing mentioned in the question you asked (most people experiment with marijuana at some point in their life and it's much safer than many drugs prescribed by doctors - cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine, and junk food are far more unhealthy and much more dangerous to a person's life span). Just keep an open line of communication going with your brother and make sure that his experimentation doesn't go any further than weed. If you find out that he's doing anything else, disregard what I said and tell your parents about it immediately. If they don't do anything, tell your guidance counselor as well. As of right now, there's no need to panic. Just talk to him about it. He needs you. :)
Update:
Are you sure your brother is the 15 year old and not you? I've never communicated with a more uneducated and naïve 17 year old in my entire life. So let me get this straight, you blame weed for the death of your two cousins who decided to get high and drive? Would you also blame a cell phone for their deaths if they died while texting? Is no one in your world responsible for their own actions? You're unbelievable! Also, you make a comment suggesting that there's something wrong with me if I think weed is natural. Um...you do realize that marijuana is a natural herb that grows just as organically as tomatoes and apples, right? It's not like it's some man-made substance meant to rot the minds of the youth of America. As for me needing to live somewhere else, it's been predicted that marijuana will be legal in the state of California as early as 2010. Just like with gay marriage, other states will follow. You really need to lay off the Disney movies and get a dose of reality. No wonder your family is falling apart - none of you can face what's right in front of you, so you run away to something else. Your parents avoid you guys and each other by working odd hours and sleeping in separate rooms. Your brother avoids his true emotions and numbs himself with pot. You avoid the truth and make up "facts" to get yourself through the day. You and your family need help. Good luck finding it.
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Maybe sit them down one by one while your brother is out since I know it'll be hard for you to get them to sit down together. Tell him that your brother's been smoking weed for 2+ months to cope with the problems between them. Tell them he told you not to tell but you're too worried about him to keep it a secret.
He's probably going to get in trouble, and it's a sure thing he'll be mad at you, but in the long run, he'll realize it was best that you told. Don't be afraid to be the tattle tale sometimes. I know people think it's looked down upon, but in some cases it slides.
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heyy
okk well yeahh pot is not a good solution neither is it a positive habit, but im sure your brother doesnt want to be partlyy blamed for more trouble between your parents.[which btw i really hope theyy can fix problems] i sayy if your strong enough to deal with this tryy it, get in his head and tell him that your parents dont need another reason to argue over. dont go with the "its bad for your health, and if you do it youll get addicted and mayy get in trouble byy copps" just be like "your old enough to do what you want but if you wanna screw up im sorry im not gonna let you...tell him to get used to the change he could reduce the ammount he consumes per week until it turns into sucha small amount that he doesnt want to do it anymore. annd if you dont think you can do this tryy to get help with another adult you can trust and that will get in his head.good luckk and i really hope things get better.
boyycrazy :]
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