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racist parents!
hello, im 15 f, and im cuban.
my boyfriend is 18 black and mexican.
heres the thing, my parents just recently found out that me and him are dating, and they fliped out. they say im nasty for liking a black guy, and that im only putting myself down and that im too pretty and light skined for him and etc.. i really dont know what to do cause i like him alot and i dont want to loose him over something so dumb like his skin color. and he isnt even that dark! hes like chris brown dark. and he dresses very nice, and is a good kid. i have to talk to my parents today. how can i convince them to let me be with him? oh and my dad was saying things like what would people think? and how it looks bad for someone whos white to be with someone whos black.
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DO NOT bring the boyfriend over.
This is actually a relatively common racial prejudice. Part of it is a shit ton of history. Intense anti-African American prejudice is pretty common in Latin-American or Hispanic descending cultures, specifically in places like Cuba, Mexico, Puerto Rico, etc. In the past, general Spanish culture considered itself white, the average Spanish person is alot lighter than the average Cuban or Mexican. All pale cultures have regarded being more pale as a sign of breeding at some point. More white was beautiful, less was less desirable. Black, being not white at all, was stigmatized.
Anyway, the point of all this is that your culture takes some of its roots from theirs, and so you took some of their prejudices. And your parents grew up in a time when racial prejudice was alot more accepted and normal.
The other part is of course mainstream black culture in America, which _is_ completely backwards. Parents naturally react to the idea of their daughters dating guys who might be influenced by wannabe "gangsta" bullshit.
The bottom line here, is that your parents have been conditioned over time to dislike anyone of dark skin, and have enough evidence in every day life to point at to reaffirm their stereotypes, and no amount of "But he's not a dumbass, he's just a normal guy who likes me" isn't going to penetrate even a millimeter.
See him. Keep him and your parents from crossing paths as much as possible. Tell your parents that you are going to date who you like, and that if they can't respect and trust your judgement enough to realize that the guy is worth something, you just don't want to hear from them about it.
If they can get over it, you'll talk. If they can't get over it, offering them a path of avoidance of the issue will probably work better than anything else I can think of.
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Have them meet him. I know that sounds like it'd be a disaster, but if your parents can see that he is a really nice kid & that he treats you well, maybe they'd be more accepting.
If they meet him, and nothing changes, there is a chance nothing can be done to change your parents ignorance.
Even your parents are hurting my feelings. My mother is white, and my father is Puerto Rican.
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Now I'm coming from a black womans perspective. Your parents are coming from a place of ignorance. They don't understand black people and rather watch cops and MTV to get their info. Now for you, if he treats you right and makes you happy then go for it. Its not in my DNA to be a hater. However, I am a black woman and it can be hurtful to other black women to consistanly see every single black man go for anything that isn't black. Now since that has nothing to do with your happiness in your relationship as well as your poarents thoughts do u boo boo. You're only 15, who knows what kind of men will be there in your future. Your main goal should be to find someone who loves and respects you. Seeing as that is soo hard to find, keep ahold of your relationship and keep it strong because there are folk in this world who will not understand it and because they can't find love they will try and make things hard for you two. Also keep in mind that your parents want the best for you, but they are missing knowledge to properly judge the guy u r with. Just don't get in trouble and good luck! Much Love!
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well sweetheart i just want you to know that i completly understand what you are going threw i am 18 and white my boyfriend of three years is black and when i told my parent i was not suprised to here that they were not having any part of it. They were very mad that i would even consider doing someting like that! I was really uspet so i decieded to talk to them in a mature manner and explain that times have changed and its not a big deal anymore i told them that i dont think its fair to limit my options by only dating people that are the same color because i could be missing out on a really great guy and that i wouldnt want someone not to date me just because i was white! At the same time you have to realize most people who feel like that its because it was how they were raised and its really hard to change something like that! So let them know you understand its hard for them to deal with because it not comfortable to them. I convienced them to atleast meet him and they agreed. They thought he was a really nice guy but still wished he was white! Eventually they came to except it and they turned out to really like him once they got to know him and not what they thought he would be like because of his color dont give up it will get better! I had to realize that at the end of the day you have to do what makes you happy and base you choices on what you want! I know your 15 so you still have to respect your parents so do the best you can and hope for the best sometimes they will surprise you
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to bo honest hun id tell them everything you sed here!
your totally right its not right that skin colour is such a big issue.
you could ask your parents to meet him... to show them that hes a good kid.
when you talk to them tho be nice! itll only go in your favour! =D good luck!
tell your boyfriend what your parentsthink though... so he knows how to act and not be "offended" n tht if you get me.
i wush you and you boyfriend best of luck. god blass take care
vikki
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That is the worst kind of situation. Tell your parents they're being racist. Just go and be head on about the situation. Tell it to their faces and say, "Why are you being racist? You don't like my boyfriend because he's black?" Your parents are probably concerned he's in a gang or something so tell them the truth, he's not. If your parents forbid you to see him, tell your boyfriend. Maybe he will confront them and tell them that they are behaving rudely. Your parents, like most, would probably try to deny that they dislike black people to save their faces, and they would give you some lame excuse. That's when you give your reasons to why he's a good guy. If you've had previous boyfriends, use them as examples to why they aren't being treated different and your boyfriend is. The key to this problem is to confront your parents.
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