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Recovering from mental illness
I'm a girl in my early 20s.
I've suffered from depression and anxiety my whole life, but it really came to a head between 2006 and early 2008. I progressed from getting nervous in class, to being scared to go out, to being terrified of going to the grocery store across the road, to being unable to leave my house or even my room.
I failed out of school twice in this time. I lost contact with all but a small handful of my friends, and nearly lost even my family and my fiance. Fortunately, I was able to get through this alive after being hospitalized for several weeks. I took a year to get used to life and living again, and I'm feeling better than I ever have.
Here's my dilemma: I really want to start communicating with people from my past again. Thing is, most of them have no idea as to what was going on. I've tried talking to a couple of people, but they end up getting freaked out, or acting awkward.
If anybody here has similar experience in trying to rehabilitate socially after a serious battle with mental illness, I'd really appreciate your advice.
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I know this is horrible for you but I'm so glad someone else knows what its like!
I would say facebook is probably the way to go, personal messages to the people you want to talk to, because that way its personal but its also giving them space to read what you're actually saying rather than freaking out and getting all confused as people tend to do about mental illness. You could always email them instead if you have their email addresses. I'd let them know what has been happening, but in short, to explain why you lost contact. Ask them what has been going on for them since you last spoke.
I did that with some people recently and its actually great the response I got, I kind of thought they'd be like "oh god its her again, I dont want to reply" but they all replied and were really chatty etc. They're probably missing you as much as you're missing them.
Good luck love, and if you want to chat to someone who's going through it too, that'd be great. xx
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Ohhhh, there is a phobia called something weird that you are scared to leave your house because you think something bad will happen to you or you will die.
But look it up on like Google or something. There IS a phobia disorder that names that!
Hope you feel better! :)
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The first thing I will say is WELL DONE! You want to get back.
It can be difficult for people on the "OUTSIDE| to realise what you have experienced.
I work with people in several day centres and secure units.
ALL say it helps to attend a suitable day centre to get advice and support whilst you build your confidence and your knowledge.
Then move out into the wider world, I have a person who came to me last September. He now works as a volunteer in a charity shop, dealing with the public. He has just started an NVQ course in retail. May not be what you want but perhaps suggests that a day centre may help. EXPERTS available.
Good Luck Bob
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I'd just like to say well done for getting your life back on track again, i know from personal experience how much of a struggle it is.
Like you, i was was 17 when i became agoraphobic and suffered from serious depression, last year i got back in touch with my old best friend.
I was so worried about how she would react as she didn't understand what a hard time i was going through back then and i think she got freaked out too.
i found her email address after googling her name.
I'm justing looking at the origional email now, that first one was the most nerve wracking.
I started off by saying...
"I know it will probably be quite a shock to hear from me after all this time but writing to you is just something I felt I had to do"
Then went on to explain why we lost touch...
"We were best friends and I loved and cared about you so much, and I wasn’t avoiding you, or anyone one else for that matter, not intentionally anyway. I was scared, and I know it doesn’t make much sense, it didn’t to me either which Is why I couldn’t explain it at the time."
I didn;t expect a reply but i got one, and she was so relieved and happy to know i was alright again and we've kept in touch.
You can take some of my words or use my emails as a guide line...or copy it if you like :-)
Chakra xxx
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You don't have to say a solitary thing about your illness to anyone at any time. You especially should not mention it to anyone on Facebook ever because it's nobody else's business but your own and nothing to do with reconnecting.
You can be friends online and or off without anyone ever knowing you had mental health issues. From experience I'm pleading with you to say nothing online, in person or when reconnecting. It's not a good idea unless you know 100% that you have their support and friendship regardless.
I've had jerks I tried to reconnect with very angry that I did, tried online bullying and wrote savagely that I deserved the experience I got. These people were in their mid to late 20s. What I'm saying is if you tell them the moment you reconnect they'll take it wrong and likely react out of fear and ignorance thinking you'd mess up their lives.
I advise moving on and finding new friends. While it may be hard if you join support groups, get back into school and keep moving forward you'll do well. Only try to reconnect with people who are mature and you know will treat you well. Keep your diagnosis to yourself as your private business.
It doesn't have to come up at all. That's my advice. When you go back into the past it's usually and most always the wrong move with mental illness. Certain people may be hurt, feel wronged and act out of ignorance and fear. You don't need that nor should you defend your actions when ill to anyone, anywhere any time.
You NEED to start FRESH with friends, life, job, school and what you want to do. This is an opportunity to reinvent yourself and you have to see full-blown depression as in the past and get out of the house, your room etc. gradually and start living. The past and people in it should be left behind. You're on a different path than most of them.
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If these people that you're wanting to reconnect with are on Facebook then you should drop them an inbox message, initiating more direct contact with them. You can start off with the basics, "Hi, how are you? I've wondered about you all of these years. What are you doing with yourself now? It's good to see you on here!" and work your way up to your reasons as to why you dropped off the face of the planet.
Posting the experience for all to see will not be taken so happily, probably. Some people may see it as attention seeking, while others may not even see it (and when others begin talking it they may feel left out or that you were very impersonal towards them in particular). If you want everyone to know the exact same story, without sending greeting and catch-up messages beforehand then type out the story and send it to each and every person as an inbox message.
Lastly, ask for phone numbers. Telling someone face-to-face or, at the very least, voice-to-voice is better than sending an online message. You might even consider going out to lunch with an old friend (probably one at a time would have better results in them understanding).
If you get in contact with one person then remember that they may still be in contact with someone you might not be able to find. Not everyone has internet access, let alone a Facebook account. Feel free to say, "Hey, I know you knew so-and-so too...do you know what has happened to them? I'd like to get in contact. Do you know how I can get in contact with so-and-so?"
Everyone is going to respond differently. Some people are going to grow closer to you simply for telling about this experience. Some people are going to pull away, out of fear and confusion. Some people are going to be indifferent about the entire event. Some people may even feel guilty for not being closer to you at the time, or being able to help you in the past.
Whatever it is, be prepared for the worst and the best. If you go to lunch with someone and are confessing to them your past and they seem weirded out and you never hear from them again then that is just fine, they cannot deal with reality. If you talk to someone on the phone about this and they break down and cry because they feel they have been a bad friend then comfort them and reassure them that you made it through.
Try not to just "spill the beans" and then cut off contact with everyone. It's okay to send the same, informative message to your friends, but it isn't okay to not respond to their response. If someone sends back a message then you should definately reply, ask them about their life, fill them in on anything they need to know, exchange phone numbers, and eventually meet up for lunch.
Lastly, some people may not remember you as much as you remember them. If you have wonderful memories of someone and they do not share those then move onto another friend that may recall the times you two have spent together. A lot of people are heartbroken when they find out their "bestest bud" doesn't remember them so clearly. It happens to us all.
I hope all goes well and you're able to reconnect with everyone you're wanting to. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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