An old but young man, with a wide experience of racial, drug and general problems. I do not provide an experts advice but try to act as a reflective mirror for issues that may be raised.
Gender: Male
Occupation: teacher
Age: 60
Member Since: March 7, 2009
Answers: 11
Last Update: April 5, 2009
Visitors: 1212
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I cant find the lion king online anywhere for a decent price because it is in the "Disney Vault" I cant buy it on itunes, download it at all, or buy it on amazon and i really want it. any ideas where to get it (link)
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Go on line at www.amazon.co.uk, then go to dvd page and enter The Lion King, you will find quite a list of available dvds including Simba's Pride, etc.
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My parents want to come and spend the night at my house. I have told them hundreds of times that they have really nasty habits (like not washing their hands after using the bathroom then touching food). Then they come and bring roaches with them (unintentionally of course) from their house, that they refuse to clean. (Then they ask why we don't visit them at their house. Last time we went I got a glass from the cabinet to get some water to drink and it had roach eggs and spiderwebs in it.)I have to treat them like children and tell them how to do things properly. I do not like them giving my kids food because I don't know where their hands have been. When I do tell them that they need to clean up their act, they get offended and blame it on this or that (a line of bull). Then my dad gets mad at me and says sarcastic comments (like I'm sorry we are not perfect like you). I never said I was perfect, I just don't want them to teach my kids ( 2 & 6 yrs. girls) bad habits. They need to be able to look up to them and be proud. Nothing I do seems to help. They never listen, when I'm trying to tell them something they always take it the wrong way. Then they act jealous of other family members (ex: why can u go visit them and not us?) I can't take much more of this, I don't know what else to do other than just start avoiding them. I have put up with this for years, Please help... (link)
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I think that you have an answer within your question. You mention visiting other family members.
Do these other family members also have issues with your parents?
If so, it is possible that you could all get together and give your parents house a really good clean. That way, they may see for themselves what their house is like.
Sometimes, people get into a rut and need to be shown how to get out of it. Have you seen the TV programme where two woment go into realy badly neglected houses and clean them out? In most cases, this gives the occupants the kick start that they need, seeing how much better it is.
Encouragement will help. If they still fail to react, then I'm afraid that you may have to make a very difficult decision. Who is the most important? Having done the spadework to put them back on track, you will be in a position to explain (again) how you feel. Maybe before and after photos, including one showing all the rubbish and dirt removed in sacks may just hit them hard enough. Expalin that you keep your house this way and don't want it to be spoilt.
You don't mention their age or if thay have any mobility or other health issues. If so, you may be able to ask for social services help with care, and the may get care allowance to help offset the cost (if it is available in their locality).
You can only do so much. Discuss with other family members and see what they think and if they will support you. A united front usually works best and your parents cannot play one part of the family off against the other. Getting them nice and clean paves the way for visits and they csn see what they will be missing.
Hope this generates some useful ideas for you.
Good luck, Bob
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Ok, I haven't told anybody this...
It's hard to even write on the net, even though I
don't know any of you.
Here gos.
When I was 7, my uncle molested me.
I didn't tell anybody because I was ashamed, scared,
embarrassed, the list gos on!
I want something to be done about it.
Now that I'm older, and I could take it if he beat
me up, I've had my share of fights...
Actually, many people's share of fights.
But that's beside that point...
I want him to go to jail or something.
How do I know he isn't out there fuckin' molesting
some other poor soul. I don't want anybody else
to go through what I did.
So, if I told somebody, would they do something
about it, even though it's been years since it
happened??
I need to know, because if it's too late, I don't
want to go to the cops and tell them if they can't
do anything about it.
Advice? (link)
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You need to go ahead and press charges. Even though you are bound to be affected, you know yourself that he could do this again (or may have already done so).
There are support groups as well as your friends, so you don't need to face this alone.
Check how the law stands on this, as advised in one of your other answers.
Be brave and hold your head up, he is the one who did wrong.
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My boyfriend recently got fired from his job of six years from something completely dumb. Problem is I really don't know how to be there for him. He seemed really upset and I really didn't know what to do accept sit and listen to him vent. I wish I could have done more to help him out. I'd appreciate any advice. (link)
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Perhaps when he vents, you could try to guide him to expressing how he feels, what he thinks are the main problems or issues and get him to try and suggest what he could do (sensibly) to try and sort them out. Slowly, this may help him focus more on the future and less on the past, creating a workable plan to move forward.
However, depending on what the "dumb" thing was, he obviously needs to think about addressing that or its cause too.
Consider anger management or similar style courses if they may be of any use, you never know. He is very lucky to have someone who will listen without being judgmental. Good for you.
Bob
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I just ended a 6 and a half month relationship with my girlfriend. I am 18 years old and a freshman is college, she is 21 years old who is not currently in school and has faternal twins the age of two. Obviously there is a good reason why i broke up with her. It has only been a week since we broke up and it is so hard. I love her and she loves me. What do i do? do i listen to society, my family and friends, the brothers of my fraternity? or my heart. do i look at my future or what. My heart is torn between choosing to date a girl i really love or what society tells me to do. She is a package deal which im not too excited for because no 18 year old freshman in college wants 2 kids. Also, she is still married to the other man but very close to getting a divorce. I really need some advice. Do i listen to my heart or society? (link)
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The real question is do you really want to be with this person.
YOU seem to be coming up with reasons why you shouldn't.
YOU quote society is against it. Who is society? Is it culture or is it you fighting inside yourself?
Advice can be given but YOU must make the choice. Think very carefully. Do you want to be with this woman for the rest of your life or not? The children are a consideration but only from the point that any mother will always be protective of her children and you may need to build a relationship gradually.
I met a woman with 3 children who were mixed race, her first husband being from Jamaica. I decided that I wanted to be with her, so I put in the WORK. We married in 1981 and we are still together.
The only important decsion is what YOU both think is right for ALL of you.
Good Luck, Bob
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For my English class, I'm doing a project on the book Sybil, which is about a woman who develops sixteen personalities. However, I need a book that is similar to that in theme; meaning, I need a book about someone else with multiple personality disorder (a biography, autobiography, memoir, etc). The catch is, it must be written before 1980 and it must be by an American author. Help, PLEASE! I do appreciate it! (link)
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You may find what you are looking for on the MPD booklist, website http://mpbooks.artefact.org.nz
One could be "I'm Eve", which may be similar to the one mentioned in your previous answer. It was written by Chris Costner Sizemore, publishers were Berkely Publishing Group and the ISBN is 0515075140, published 1978.
There are lots of books listed, so you may find something else.
Also a useful reference may be Erich Fromm, quite a famous person in this field.
Good luck.
Bob Walters
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At a recent school function, I met a new group of friends visiting from another school and we all still talk. The other day, I was informed at school by somebody that one of the boys in my new group of friends likes me, and people think I like him too. Now, this boy is nice, has a good sense of humor and we are friends, but I do not see him the same way. My problem is that for whatever reason, I only find myself romantically/sexually attracted to my own Caucasian race and the boy is not Caucasian, so I do not find myself romantically attracted to him. People now think I am racist, which is simply not true! My mother assures me that it’s a matter of personal preference. I can justify that I am not racist, because I have multiple friends that are from races other than my own. My attraction to only Caucasian men is not something I chose, it’s just the way I am. Kind of like if someone was gay. They don’t choose to only be attracted to men, it’s just how they are. Is it wrong of me to feel this way?
I am almost 16 years old, and a female. (link)
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My children are mixed race (Afro - caribbean/ white). They had many friends, including romantic attachments who were Chinese/Gurkha and Phillipino, among others.
We all make our own choice. I am white, their stepfather, married to their white mother, I have never interfered with their life though I have been protective when necessary (no more , I don't need the police around).
Be your own person, be honest and it will always work out in the end. Honesty always wins!
Good luck, Bob
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22/F
I have been suffering for 5 years with something called Ovarian Failure. Also, all my hormones, estrogen, estadiol levels, my neurotransmitters seratonin, neuroponephrine, cortisol are all depleted/gone basically. I wake up every morning fealing dead inside and i have been trying numerous hormone treatments that just arent working. what can I do? I need to find a cure because i am giving up and i just need an answer, a treatment, a cure. (link)
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First, the obvious one; jave youa sked for a second opinion? Second, though it weems drastic, have you been to your local gmu clinic, they could refer you to a consultant. However, you need to be straight, otherwise they may decid that you just need tablets.
Though you realise you need further help, you also need to push for it in every way you can, even try CAB.
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so im 15 talking to a "school" counslor for my first time. she comes out for me on fridays and we talk. well i dont know what to say. i mean i requested her for my cutting and family crap and my doing things that i dont know im doing. so what should i do? thank all help is needed! (link)
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The first thing is to decide what a counsellor is!
A counsellor is NOT there to give advice. A counsellor is, in effect, a reflective mirror. The discussion should be about you identifying your issues that cause you to feel bad, then how you fell about it, then what YOU can do about it.
It is not always as simple as it sounds and can often take time.
You may feel that you need to build trust with your counsellor first. All I can say is that counsellors are bound by rules of confidentiality, and only extreme circumstances will let them be broken. At the same time remember that cousellors have to be counselled and general comments that caused issues for the counsellor may be discussed.
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I'm a girl in my early 20s.
I've suffered from depression and anxiety my whole life, but it really came to a head between 2006 and early 2008. I progressed from getting nervous in class, to being scared to go out, to being terrified of going to the grocery store across the road, to being unable to leave my house or even my room.
I failed out of school twice in this time. I lost contact with all but a small handful of my friends, and nearly lost even my family and my fiance. Fortunately, I was able to get through this alive after being hospitalized for several weeks. I took a year to get used to life and living again, and I'm feeling better than I ever have.
Here's my dilemma: I really want to start communicating with people from my past again. Thing is, most of them have no idea as to what was going on. I've tried talking to a couple of people, but they end up getting freaked out, or acting awkward.
If anybody here has similar experience in trying to rehabilitate socially after a serious battle with mental illness, I'd really appreciate your advice. (link)
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The first thing I will say is WELL DONE! You want to get back.
It can be difficult for people on the "OUTSIDE| to realise what you have experienced.
I work with people in several day centres and secure units.
ALL say it helps to attend a suitable day centre to get advice and support whilst you build your confidence and your knowledge.
Then move out into the wider world, I have a person who came to me last September. He now works as a volunteer in a charity shop, dealing with the public. He has just started an NVQ course in retail. May not be what you want but perhaps suggests that a day centre may help. EXPERTS available.
Good Luck Bob
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If you cut does that mean your emo? Like the stereotypical type? I'm in 9th grade and I've cut since 8th grade. Not all the time but I do when something goes wrong and I break down. I'm only 14 and none of my family has ever found out about it. Only some of my friends saw. What am I supposed to do? I'm usually unhappy and stuff and I hate it at home. But I can handle everything better at school than at home although I hate school too. I've thought I needed help a few months ago because of what I've thought but didn't really think I'd ever do it. I know this might have been stupid but I really don't know what to do anymore. Help? (link)
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Lots of us feel really down sometimes and we feel there is no where to go.
You have already used your brain to answer this question.
You can handle everything better at school. Does this mean you have people there you can trust?
Use these people to help and try writing down your issues.
Once you have done this (HONESTLY) find a member of staff at school that you feel you can trust, have a discussion but set some boundaries of con fidence. Remember that any breach of law may cause these boundaries to be broken,
Good luck and trust in your friends and your staff!
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