|
having sex but not in a relationship
do you personally think its slutty for a girl (age 17 if it matters) to have sex with a guy she is not in a relationship with? ...can you go too far on the first hookup?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
I definitely don't think it's slutty for a 17 year old to have sex with someone they're not in a relationship with.
I guess that if you started having sex with every guy who shows the slightest bit of interest in you, no matter whether you are attracted to them or not, then that is kind of slutty. But mostly, I think you should just do what you want.
If you're attracted to the guy and you want to have sex with him, then do it. However, I would suggest that if you really like the guy and would like to have something more serious with him, wait a while before having sex with him. But if it's just a casual thing and you're interested in the guy, then sure, it's fine to have sex with him. Just do what you want and have fun.
I think you just have to not be stupid about it - only have sex with guys you're attracted to, not just any old guy; use condoms; and don't let guys force you into it. You can have casual sex with guys and still have respect for yourself, as long as you just do what YOU want. Seriously, just have fun.
Feel free to ask me any more advice on the subject, x
]
I don't think you have to be in a relationship with every person you have sex with, but you should take care in who you do choose to have sex with. Only have sex when you are sure you want it, not because he is bugging you about it, or not because you are hoping for something more. Believe me, having sex with a guy too soon is worse than not having sex with him at all. Sex, for women, is invasive. By that I mean that a part of another person is actually entering your body. For men, it's all on the outside, therefore not really as intimate. Every time you have sex with someone for any other reason than you genuinely want to be close to that person, as well as share yourself with him, you are adding a little checkmark in your "Reasons I Don't Like Myself" column. You hold on to those experiences and use them against yourself. to make matters worse, other people judge you by your sexual activity. Let's pretend that tomorrow you meet the guy of your dreams. If you have had a bunch of random hookups, your having sex with him isn't going to mean all that much, and he's gonna know it. He will be embarrassed to have feelings for you because everyone will be talking about you like your nothing. And you can't even think about making him wait because he'll think "what the heck, she didn't make anyone else wait." This is not to say that your life is mud just because you mistakenly had random sex, but you don't want to make a habit out of it. Most girls who have sex with a lot of guys are doing so because they are looking for acceptance and affection, and the sad part is it brings the opposite.
But, if there is a person who you respect and he respects you, you know eachother, like eachother, but just don't want to be in a relationship it isn't out of line to have sex with him, as long as you don't make it a habit.
]
There are so many varying opinions about sex outside of relationships. Religious people would "condemn you to hell" but i'd say ... if you wanna... and you're safe... do it!
Just be safe... and my advice to my own friends, is that if no one knows about it, and you can convince yourself otherwise, its not slutty at all.
The only person you need to answer to is your own conscience.
Sex is fun. I say, have fun!
]
It can definately be slutty, as it fairly demeaning of yourself. The only issue is that now it seems to be popular, or a trend to an extent.
The truth is, when you engage in a friends with benefits "relationship" you never do learn how to communicate effectively for a true relationship. This is why a lot of men and women who use to be in that sort of "relationship" always end up in the same place, without a personal attachment to their sexual partner.
A person that engages in those types of relationships tends to already have low self esteem and a low self concept of themselves. They are seeking what they feel is the only "love" they are able to get because they are just so unworthy of other types of care. These relationships tend to bring the person down further, to where they will circle the same path over and over in life. They tend to be the ones that never marry, or do not marry until very, very late in life because it takes them that long to figure out how to un-do the bad things they had taught themselves in poor relationships before.
Being friends with benefits has the drawback that one side usually ends up developing feelings for the other side. Typically the female of this sort of situation ends up doing this. Young guys, who tend to be driven by their hormones, key in on this and take it for what it's worth--just the sex. The young men tend to lead the women through an ordeal of issues, having her believe that some day she'll magically be "the one" he was looking for. In reality, he doesn't want the girl or he would seek her out as a life-long partner.
You see, if you are only having sex then the other person simply does not see you as boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner type for them. To them, you are lower than the boyfriend/girlfriend they have or may have had (or will have). A lot of people tend to be sucked in by this, hanging on for that one day the person says, "You know, I kept saying that I just needed some more time before hopping in a real relationship, well...it's time for us..." That simply does not happen. Ever. If it does, it burns out very, very quickly because the entire basis of it is sexual.
Yes, this relationship is hurting you as a person. Being young, you probably won't see the reality of what has happened to yourself until you're years down the road. I know I didn't see what was going on when I was having sex with someone that I knew wasn't right.
For the last note, if you question an activity as being "slutty" then it is, nine times out of ten, a slutty behavior. If you have to question it, then there's a reason why you feel that way. Sometimes your conscious is screaming at you even when you don't want to listen. Most people who ask questions like this to a pool of people they feel do the same thing are simply looking for psychological relief for their guilt of being perceived as a slut for the bad activities they do. (Associates degree in psychology taught me this.)
For going "too far" on a "hook-up"--yes. Sex can leave deep emotional scars. Any type of sex. If you're not physically, mentally, and emotionally prepared for the worst case possible then you're risking a lot. The situation makes a person very vulnerable to a large number of things--pregnancies, STDs, "rape", physical abuse, etc.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. You should always care what other people think in situations like this. If you are being seen as a slut then why continue the behavior? That stigma will follow you through life and people will think less of you because of one past mistake that you did not alter in time. You're simply not taken seriously and you're a horrible role model. To say you shouldn't care what other people think is very, very immature--obviously, people who think this have yet to be in "real world" of life.
]
Yup.
]
Well for me personally i wouldnt have sex on a hookup. I think sex is something that you should share with someone that you really care and love. I know that might sound dorky or something like that, but i guess that's just how i was brought up. As far as it being slutty, i would have to say yes. I know many girls in my school that go around having sex with random guys at parties.Yeah, that's what guys want now but in the end guys wanna settle for the girls that dont go around giving themselves to guys left and right. But that's just my opinion.
]
More Questions: |