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Residual Feelings
Hi, it's the summer time and two years ago I wrote a guy a letter telling him how I feel and he responded three months later over that very summer. We talked it seemed because his friend suggested it, and his friend said he was interested, he may have been lying. We talked for a week and maybe two days. Afterwards, never again. I got back to school and I couldn't even look him in the eye. He and I both would avoid eye contact and never spoke over 10 words to one another. Now he has a girlfriend. I want him to be happy. I spent most of my summer not thinking of him, but afraid when the time came for me to return to school that the feelings would return. I saw him 4 days ago and I felt a jolt when our eyes met for a heartbeat. I'm afraid and I feel pathetic, which I am kind of. I don't want to like him. I want to be over him. But how do I handle these residual feelings that keep returning?
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Yeah its hard. Ok I will tell you the truth, there are plenty guys out there. Even if we do like one, doesn't mean they are the right ones for us. Try to meet new guys. There may be something still there, you need to overcome that because this guy might not be the right one for you. You do want to get over him, just try and find new guys. You could have this feeling but he may or may not. You can never be sure. There isn't much you can do with him since he has a girlfriend. You do want him to be happy, and you should be happy too. Go out there and meet some guys. Good luck!
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Remind yourself that neither of you really knew or know each other. You only spoke to him once and that was it. Tell yourself that he has no feelings for you and is with someone else. Over time if you keep telling yourself that it's not to be and will not happen you'll believe it.
The residual feelings keep coming to you because you haven't dealt with this tough enough and convinced yourself that there's no connection or future with him. If there were to be it would have been long ago had your conversations led anywhere. He's focused on her and you need to move along too as hard as it is.
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Wow.
You know, our parents do not really raise us to know how to become adults. This sounds like the "Comedy of Errors".
If he has a girlfriend, then obviously he must feel more comfortable with her. But, as a guy myself, I must say that there is something in his reaction that tells me that he is running away from his own feelings about you in an averse way.
If he has a girlfriend but he cannot speak to you about this, then I think there is a permanent block you cannot overcome, because he feels you and he are uncompatible.
Do you understand what "co-dependency" is????? You do not want to fall into that trap! When you "need" somebody but you just cannot escape from the fact that the other person is no good for you and you are drawn to that other person, that is co-dependency!
I do not know how old you are, but you sound like you do not have sufficient interpersonal experiences in opposite-sex relationships. Just realize that you have a lot more to learn in that case, and keep an open mind and as they say, "move on" to the next relationship that you can indeed enjoy being in.
As a guy, that is my advice to you!
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Hun, I feel sooo sorry for you right now. This situation is a very difficult one. Well first off, you are NOT pathetic! You just need to find a way to make yourself realize that this will not work out. If you have to, make a list of all the cons. The first one being the fact that he is taken. Remember that the past is there for a reason. I would definitely continue to avoid him as best as possible. You can't even be friends right now because of these feelings. Hang out with a circle of friends that he is not included in. Don't go out of your way to say anything to him unless it is "hi" while passing in the hallways. I know that right now it seems that this will never end, but I know that soon you will realize that he was just a stepping stone to the guy you truly deserve to be with! I wish you the best of luck, and PLEASE let me know how things are going. Drop me a line sometime. Good luck hun. (PS. Another thing that helped me was keeping a journal. I would write a letter to the guy I like - one that he will NEVER receive - just to get my feelings out on paper. Once you get some of those feelings out, it's easier to control them.)
<3 Leslie
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i know how you feel, trust me. I had feelings for this one guy for years. they never seemed to go away, until i started to become interested in other guys. Now i have a boyfriend that i love, & that was the major cure for me, i still think about him from time to time, but nothing so strong.
I suggest you start going out & meeting new people, i mean this guy doesn't seem like hes worth your time anyway. baby girl, you are NOT pathetic, when it comes to matters of the heart there is no such thing. We cant control what our heart wants & what our heart needs.
Once you start hanging out with other guys, you won't feel as down as you are now.
in the meanwhile try to avoid him, & anything that reminds you of him. The less you think about him the better. Go out, don't stay in. i noticed that being alone at home makes things so much worse.
I'm sure things will get better, just keep your head up high & smile.
if you feel like you need somebody to talk to, you could either IM me or message my inbox again. im always here if you need someone <3
xoxo smalls
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Well obviously stealing him from his girlfriend wouldn't be your idea of fun ;]
Here's some ideas on how to just plain get over him:
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Thanks for inboxing ;]
--Jack
(16/m)
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