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In-law obligations
My husband and I purchased a cabin in the mountains four years ago. Along with that, we purchased two ATVs (four-wheelers) to ride the thousands of acres of mountain trails adjacent to our cabin property.
We love to have our children and grandchildren visit and have an open door policy where they're concerned.
Recently, my married daughter asked me, in front of her husband, if we would be willing to let them use the cabin for use with her husband's family. We told her we would have to think about it. We discussed it briefly with them and never gave them an answer.
My husband and I had already talked about this situation because we knew it would come up. I had expressed to my daughter shortly after we purchased the cabin that this was a "family only" cabin and was not open to in-laws. My daughter told me at that time that she understood. I feel like she was put up to asking me by her husband.
My husband and I feel strongly that we don't want my daughter's in-laws, or any other in-laws for that matter, accessing our cabin. Our cabin is as personal as our home, and I wouldn't lend out the use of my home to just anyone.
Also, I'm worried about the liability issue concerning the use of our four-wheelers and also who would be responsible if they damaged them.
I also feel like if we open up the cabin to this set of in-laws, our other children would assume that they would be entitled to bring their in-laws and friends to the cabin, which rightfully so they should.
Am I being too possessive of "my cabin"? I don't want to alienate my son-in-law, but, again, I don't feel I have any obligation to provide his family with a weekend retreat. I'm afraid if we allow it "just this once" that it will become expected that they can use it any time.
Please advise. Thanks
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Hey,
You are completely right with this one. You bought it with the intention of it being a family home, and you made this very clear. I think it was extremely unfair of your daughter to put you in that sort of position by asking you in front of her husband. Definitely stick to your guns on this one.
Good luck darl. =]
Sarah.
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No you are not being overly possessive. I'd
feel the same.
Just explain to her that she already told
you she understood when you talked of this
before. Tell her you don't want the liability.
Explain to her it may cause problems should
something be damaged or broken. She doesn't
need that headache any more than you do.
Should his family for instance break their
neck while riding an ATV, they may try to
sue you. Extreme example but that could
cause problems between your daughter and
her husbands family AND between you and
your son in law.
Stick to your guns on this one. If they
get mad, They will get over it soon. :)
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No, I do not feel you are being too possessive of your cabin. And you are correct by thinking that from a liability issue they would not be covered, not only via damage to the 4 wheelers, but injury to themselves or other property.
As long as they are guests while you are present, they should be covered (but check with your insurance company to be sure).
This is probably the approach you would want to take with your son-in-law. Hopefully he will understand.
Also most likely you want the cabin to be available when you want to use it and not have to deal with others staying there, their schedules and so on. In addition it's not for lease or timeshare, it's for personal use.
I think if you give an inch--they make take a mile, so you will have to stand your ground in a firm but fair manner. Offer to help them find local accomdations if they want to drop by for a visit perhaps.
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well i would say that you have already commited yourself to this property and you should stick to your commitment. you told your daughter no some time ago, but tell her it will be okay it both families got together with you present. this will make you feel better and your not hurting anyone's feelings by doing this. Everyone wins!
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I don't think you're being overly possessive at all. Allowing your son-in-laws parents to stay at the cabin might upset your other children... And you made an excellent point concerning the liability issue.
The most difficult task would be explaining to your son-in-law _why_ his parents shouldn't be allowed to stay there. Do you think he would understand if you explained that, if his parents did stay, that it would seem unfair and cause problems between you and your other children? If so, maybe you could approach the subject from that angle.
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