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mom being a jerk
I'm an 18 year old male, just graduated from high school. I made the mistake of speeding one too many times, and as a result, my license is suspended. Luckily, it got suspended right after I quit my job.
It's now summer. Naturally, like every other graduated senior, I like to stay out late with friends and my girlfriend. My mom has told me to call her when I end up staying the night somewhere, but I haven't been doing that because I don't want to wake her up (she wakes up early for work and needs her sleep).
She told me today that I need to get a job and come home by 1am every night. She is unwilling to take me to a job, so I don't know how I'd get there with a suspended license. And 1am? I'm 18, for goodness sake. She said she'll kick me out if I don't do those two things.
What do I do?
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Your mom isn't being a jerk. She's being a parent.
I'm 23, and there are still some rules when I stay in my parents home. Some freaking stupid ones. Like, I'm not allowed to be behind a closed door with a guy. I've lived alone for almost 5 years! Everything they are afraid I might do with a guy, I've done, and then some.
But, it's still their rules. When you live in someone else’s home, be that a parent, or a partner or a roommate or landlord, there are just some rules you have to live by. You have to pay your rent on time. You have to not eat foods your roommates are fatally allergic too. You have to keep the noise down.
Seriously, it is just the price you pay for living with other people. Welcome to the unverise. You have obligations to the people around you, like it or not.
Now, parents are more difficult ‘other people’ but it’s still the same basic deal.
The two things your mother has expected: Job and Home by 1am are totally reasonable.
Your mom has even given you a way to get around the Home by 1am thing! Just call and let her know. So what if you wake her up? It’s her rule. She must be okay with it.
As for the job: Learn to use public transit, car pool, or negotiate with your mother about not having a job until your license is returned. You are no longer in school, and you don’t mention going back to school next September. That means you need to have a job. Period. A parent who didn’t expect that of you, would be a bad parent.
Even if your mother is flexible about not having a job until your license is returned, you should start looking for a job now; as it can take some time to find one. I would be willing to bet that if you found a good job, your mom wouldn’t mind chauffeuring you once and a while.
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Well all she is saying is to get a job no matter what it is. You can get a job that has a low amount of hours so you won't have to work very often and you are pleasing her as well. As for the 1 am thing. You are 18 and that means she has no control over what you do legally. I don't know your mother but if she is bluffing then she will be happy with just a job. Maybe getting an apartment or living on campus will give you the freedom you need and get her out of your hair. If you live on campus or an apartment she can't say anything about what you do. Since she is not willing to drive you to the place you need, check out local places where you can walk.
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Do what she says. I hate to say it, but I'm with your mum on this one. You may be an adult now, but you have to abide by her rules. I'm 19 and I still go by the rules as long as I live in this house.
You'll soon realize she's doing this because she cares. She wants you home at 1am so she knows you're safe (seeing as you never rang her). So don't think of it as a punishment. If you stick to this rule for the time being, she may come round to the idea of you staying out longer. Just show her you're responsible.
As for the job front - ever heard of public transport and walking? I don't drive and I'm looking for a job pretty much anywhere... Even if I have to get up mega early just to get there.
Stop moaning about her rules - I don't think they're that bad at all. and to be honest, you don't have any other option but to follow them, yes?
Good luck. ;)
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Well, either obey or get you stuff and get out. Simple as that. I know that's not what you want to hear. My mom kicked me to the curb when I was 15, so consider yourself lucky. You are 18 years old now, so that means you are an adult, she isn't responsible for you now.
She'll always love you but you need to start acting like a responsible adult. It could be worse, she could have kicked you out already. Her house, her rules. You may not now, but you'll respect that fact when you get a place of your own, which may be sooner than you think.
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She is your mother, and on top of that, you are still living in HER household. That means that you have to follow her rules. I know, that sucks. I have to deal with it, too ;]
In other words, I don't think the 1am thing is very strict. Actually it's VERY lenient. Even my brother, who is now 19 and still lives with us [he's in college- staying on campus is too expensive], his curfew is often midnight or even earlier. I say you're getting it easy with that ;]
As for the job thing, I don't think that is fair for your mother to tell you to get a job without taking you. Then again, you shouldn't have been speeding, but who am I to judge.
I would approach her about taking you one more time to get a job, and if she absolutely refuses to take you, then I would ask a friend. If no one is able to take you, tell your mom about this, in a reasonable manner, and go from there.
I'm sorry if any of this sounded forceful and rude. It was meant to inform.
--Jack
(16/m)
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