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my mom's always putting me down what can i do?
14/f
it all started a year ago when my mom found out i lost my virginity two weeks after it happened. everything was a mess and i became the disgrace of the family in her eyes. for a while i wasn't sure what to do i mean she was putting me down constantly by telling me what a slut and a whore i was for one incident i regreted because the only reason i did it was because i though he really cared and i was so stupid to believe it. i never spoke to him again after thet. i couldn't take it and i finally burted out "well since you're always right and obviously i'm a whore i'll prove you right!" i slept with 3 guys after that and cared about each one but only one cared back. my mom thought i was just mad and said that but now i know that was really stupid of me to do.but i shaped up after that i stopped focusing on guys and more on the family but still my mom's putting me down the other day she called me a bitch for the first time and i was scared. it's like i had an empty feeling inside you know? i don't think i'm a bad person over that one thing. i know it hurt her what i did but i didn't mean to. and for her to verbally abuse me i think is wrong it's been a year and she's still making comments. like the one she said when she took away my phone ,"oh i'm sorry your pimps aren't gonna have any business lately." honestly i don't think it's right.
i would really like your opinion and help please and thank you.
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hay i think it might be because your growing up and your mum doesnt want you do and that she doesnt want to lose her little inicent little girl she has always known. i went through kind of the same thing but it was mostly fighting with my mum about her trusting me and stuff.
i think you need to talk to your mum about it bc its the only way you two are goin to get passed this. just tell her how you feel when she says those hurtful things to you and the reason for the 1st guy and the other 3 guys. bc i think that your mums hurt that you didnt come to her and talk to her about it and she feels that you dnt need her anymore. it might be weird trying to talk to your mum about this so you could get an older person like an auty or someone so say something to your mum about it first so she knows you want to talk about it. hope i helped xxx
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Hmmm... I knew a girl who had a similar problem with her mom. The situation was different, but I think the solution that worked for them might work for you, too. Here's what their deal was:
This girl was a high-level gymnast, but she suddenly developed a fear of going backwards and lost a lot of skills. And her mom completely flipped out about it... called her daughter a loser, said she'd let down the whole family, said horrible mean things to her, etc. It was really bad.
So I (being the girl's coach) suggested that they go see this sports psychologist, who could hopefully help the girl get over her fear. But REALLY... it was the MOM who I wanted this guy to talk to. Because she was the one with the big problem who needed some help! Of course, she never would've gone if I'd said, "You're too hard on your daughter, you need to talk to a psychologist." But since she thought she was going to fix her daughter's problem, she agreed.
They went for a couple months. First the daughter would talk to the guy alone, then the mom would go in and talk to him.
And it worked!! I don't know what he said to the mom, but somehow she realized that she was being a complete monster. She apologized to her daughter and she really eased up. (And that, in turn, allowed the girl to enjoy gymnastics again, and she eventually got over her fear thing).
Sooooo... maybe that could work for you and your mom? Maybe you could tell her, "I hate that you and I have these problems... maybe if I could go talk to a family councelor, he could help me with my problems." Make her think that it's YOU who needs the help... but once you're there, you can tell him how she's been acting. And when he talks to her, hopefully he can help her get over her problem. Because yeah... what she's doing isn't right.
Good luck!!
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i know what your going through.
the same thing happend to me.
but my mom didnt do that.
i think if you have a teacher you trust tell her/him.
and have her/him talk to your mother.
maybe that will help.
but what i did wrong was we were in a fight and i told her that it was a good thing she put me on the s**t pill.
and that started a whole big thing but she said she already knew.
but try doing what i said maybe it will help.
let me know how it goes.
good luck.
<3
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Do you have an aunt, uncle or grandparents you trust? You could have them confront her over the comments she has been making about you.
If they show her that she's wrong here she will soon lay off of you due to embarrassment. You could also approach your teacher in confidence or guidance counselor about your home life. They can then tell her she's being too tough on you.
If you can trust a friend's mother or father to do this as well it will help. When someone's peers or relations embarrass them about the way they treat their kids they'll improve really fast.
I think you should get your teacher or guidance counselor or an adult you both trust to tell your mother to get into counseling with you and your family. Something is not right about an adult who makes these kind of remarks to their kid.
I know you must be a burden to your mother at times and your behavior has hurt her but it's not acceptable to have her act this way to you.
You're right you made a mistake a long time ago and you corrected your behavior since. The next time she brings it up tell her: I'm sorry I did it. I learned and have shaped up since. Don't lord it over me because I've beaten myself up over it too much myself."
Handle any remark she makes in a mature and adult fashion and bite your tongue. You could always add this to the above. "We have issues we need to work out together. We can either fight about it or do something about it. Let's get help."
The problem is not your sexuality and sex here. It's your broken relationship with her that has been broken before all this.
I have the strongest feeling that she has experienced the same things you have at the exact same age and s projecting fear/anger on to you so you never do what she did. It's an issue she has to work out no doubt.
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ouch :/
i honestly dont think she's being a very good mother right now. thats not really my place to say, but she was a kid once right? and maybe she didnt make your mistake but she should understand that 13-18 year olds are going to screw up and they SHOULDN have an excuse. thats MY opinion though. i think your best bet would be to find the right words (to make you sound responisble and that you really do care) and talk to her. you need to make her realize the pain and regret you feel. good luck with everything.
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I think your mom really needs to grow up and get over it. You are 14 years old yeah sometimes we make mistakes but she needs to let you move on and forget about that. Now there isn't probably anything you can say to her to make her stop what she says.. but maybe talk to like a couceler or somethiung have them talk to your mom... Your mom is just rude for that. Because im pretty sure she has made mistakes in her life time. Tell her mom that hurts me when you say that.
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