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I can't see him the same now.
If you discovered that your drunken boyfriend had gotten a blowjob at a party from a stranger whose name he didn't even know, would you be bothered by this? I might add this was a couple of years ago, before we knew each other. He just admitted it to me and I've been weird about it ever since. I haven't even been able to talk to him. I can't get it off my mind. I've just totally lost respect for him for it. I realize people make mistakes but it's really bothering me. =/ He does regret it at least but still.
So..uh.. what's wrong with me? How can I stop holding this against him? Do I have a right to look down on him for this?
19/f
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No, you do not have the right to look down on him for this.
Everyone makes mistakes in their lives. Honestly, messing around that doesnt even lead to sex is not that big a deal, especially if it happened before you knew him.
This isnt something you should judge him for. This is something that you should deal with. You need to figure out why it bothers you exactly, and work on those emotions. He didnt take advantage of anyone, and to be honest if hes "admitting" this to you that means that hes probably a pretty good kid, if this is his "dark secret". Its pretty tame.
The past is the past. You should not judge someone on something that they did, especially if it appears that they learned from the experience and dont want to duplicate it. It sounds like hes not thrilled that he did that any more than you are.
If he had admitted to being a coke dealer or harming someone or something along those lines, it might be different. But even then, if someone recognizes and stops past bad behaviors and learns from them and grows as a person, that makes them better for the experience. He would not be the person you were attracted to if he hadnt been through the experiences he has been through, so having a problem with something he did when you don't otherwise have a problem with who he is makes no sense.
If anything you should respect him for being honest about his past and not trying to hide it from you. That shows that he cares and trusts you. Thats something you should treasure.
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well im a 20/f and m y boyfriend definately has a past that i dont like and like you i find it hard sometimes wen i think about it Its hard not to hold it against him, but you just have to realize people change...A lot of people guys and girls have a crazy past or whatever you wanna call it and the fact that your boyfriend seemed to have had that stage in his life its probably a good thing and will keep him more loyal to you. Thats how I try to look at it... I mean I still make jokes to my boyfriend saying he was a pig for some stuff he did but I know those days of his lives are over so I try not to be too hard on him. so my advice to you is try not to think about it and make sure he knows how you feel about it and im sure youll eventually get over it and be able to laugh about it.
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personally, i would forgive him, if you know for a fact that he is trulyyy sorry. like not just fakin/playing you.
this happened to me like a week ago kinda. i got so drunk and got fingered by this guy. but it didnt mean anything, i cant even remember it. i had to get told by him haha.
id lose respect for him, because he should know better than to get so drunk he cant control it, but i dont know if its worth endening your relationship.
dont forget he was honest with you, which is a pretty good thing. wouldn't you have been mad if he didnt tell you, and you found out some other way. then i would say end it. but by him telling you about it it means that you know that he feels bad about it. so i would have to talk about it if i were you.
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My fiancee has been very honest with me from the start about his sexual history. The only other person he has ever slept with was a random girl at a party when he was drunk, and he's been ashamed of it ever since. Your boyfriend probably feels the same way.
Your boyfriend was being considerate in telling you about this... it's important for you to know.
Personally, I don't think you should hold it against him. As long as he's not doing anything like that now, it was just a dumb kid mistake.
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I would say yes, because that is pure DIRTY.. and how could you even let someone you dont know touch you!!!
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No, you don't have any right to look down on him because of this.
Making a mistake as a teenager when it comes to sex and booze is about as normal as having brown hair. Unless this is part of a pattern of bad decisions and 'mistakes' you owe it too him to take a deep breath and let it go.
If this IS part of a pattern, then you need to seriously consider how much you do respect him, and your choice to be with him.
Like a lot of girls you might be a bit hung-up about the issue. You are scared and frightened by behavoir like that in someone you love. It doesn't line up with your values and it threatens your safety in the relationship.
Relax. Remind yourself that one druken night ages ago has no bearing on your relationship today. Sometimes the past can't be escaped, but it sounds to me like you both know this mistake can be left quietly behind you. It just isn't relevant anymore.
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Well I would respect him for being honest with you. If this happened before you met I do not see anything really that could bother you unless it is the feeling that how could someone do something like that with someone that they do not know. Some people are into this and in his case it might be because he was drunk. Perhaps h has learned his lesson. Now if this happened after you were together well that would be a problem. I would talk to him and let him know that what he did makes you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps what you need is reassurance that he will not do this again and that he would definitly not do it while you are together. Good Luck and be thanksful fo his honesty.
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