|
My sisters daughter is mentally retarded
My neice is mentally retarded. We just found out. My sister was hysterical. My mom was crying. My dad was very mad/sad. I felt nothing. Is this wrong? I love my neice and care about her, but i don't care if shes retarded. I'll still love her the same. I feel bad for the troubles she will have to go through but i'm not really sad. Also i am kinda pissed about how everyone else is so pissed off. Is this good or bad and why am i feeling this way?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Parents will always take news like this ten times harder than anyone else will. They have a lot of right to. They expected to have "normal" child and perfect in every way. They're devastated because they had a lot of hopes and dreams for her.
It's exactly like grieving a loss. They're shocked, in denial, angry and will eventually accept this. They don't have enough information obviously about mental retardation yet to see that their daughter can have a great life still and contribute a lot of joy to there's and others. She can also achieve more than they may think in life.
You're not at the epicenter of the massive earth quake they must have felt for an analogy that will work here. You're ready to accept it and love her just as much as you had been.
Everyone handles news like this differently. you're able to take the bad news and try to make a positive from it. They're not at that point yet because it's their kid. They might even feel guilty that they "caused it"
What do you do? Listen more than talk at this point. Keep showing love towards everyone and learn together as a family. It may help to buy them books or locate a support group they and you can attend.
Your feelings are 100% normal and nothing you are or aren't feeling is wrong. We all handle distressing news differently.You can be a great help to everyone by continuing to demonstrate how beautiful this child really is and embrace her. That will bring comfort to her mother for sure.
If I were the mother I wouldn't worry about other people's reaction or treatment of her daughter or her parents. Anyone who would be so ignorant to react badly is are in a bloody sorry state themselves. There's no hope left for those who treat mentally disabled people badly.
You all need to make sure that this child doesn't start feeling awful (depending on age) about herself or constantly being discussed as though there's something wrong in front of her right now. That can do more damage to her than the term mentally retarded can at this point.
]
they could be P-d off because they don't want the child to have to get made fun of by people with no hearts.. but, that should be it, i mean, the child can help being mentally retarded. it's good that your going to love her whether she's retarded or not.. there's nothing wrong with the way your handling it, especially if you've said that your going to love her no matter what..
]
Everyone has a diffrent way of dealing with their emotions. Your mom deals with her emotions by crying your just the opposite of what she does . Personally when I'm really sad/upset I clean I KNOW REALLY WEIRDD but that's just how I handle my emotions not everyone is the same. But not crying or getting upset mad and pist off doesn't mean you don't care because I'm sure you do , it just means that that's the way you deal with your emotions which is completely normal.
]
I think its very good that you don't feel any emotion about this. No matter what, she is the same person shes always been. Its not like all the sudden she is deaf or something terrible like that.
]
I personally don't believe your feelings are wrong, because I think your main point here is that it shouldn't matter if she is mentally handicapped or not - because either way, everyone should treat her the same and make her feel like a normal kid. And I think that's great. Though I can understand your sister, mother and father's feelings in the way that they are probably in shock. But I don't believe it's right if they choose to take it out on your niece and treat her badly, and be angry at her, because it isn't her fault and she should have the right to grow up as normal as possible.
]
Their reactions are understandable.
I personally would be devastated by news like that. Because in this world, intellect is a true life defining attribute of a person. Someone who is mentally handicapped is going to have a limit on the possible roads their life can take. Finding out that your child is going to have to deal with those limitations for their entire life is definitely something that can cause grief.
You love your niece, but your sister is looking at the prospect of watching her daughter suffer and never be "normal" and everything that goes with it.
]
No it is not wrong to feel nothing. Maybe you know that you can't help it. There's nothing you can do about it. It's not that you don't care (as you quoted you care about her) but it's that u can't do anything about it! You should still love her the same, as she hasn't changed a bit! (If she was mentally distorted before).
Hope i helped a lot, and all the best for your family!
Kronix
]
More Questions: |