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How do I tell my parents?
17/f I have a new boyfriend who is really lovely and nice and sweet and is a really decent guy. The thing is, he's not exactly "parent-approval" material, and I just know for a fact my parents would hate him. I don't normally keep the fact I have boyfriends secret from parents, but this time it feels different. For a start, I broke up with my ex pretty soon before I started dating this guy, and my parents LOVED my ex and were quite sad to see us split up! This was still only about 2 months ago.
Also, I've been going to his and seeing him a lot recently. I collapsed about two weeks ago at his house (nothing to do with him!) and lied at my parents about where it happened and said it was at a friend's, and if I told them now they'd definitely put two and two together, and also realise that I haven't actually just been going to a friend's to do homework all the time recently. They would be so angry that I lied!
I know that I have got myself into this situation but what should I do? I've got a feeling I'm gonna be with this guy for a while and I don't want to lie to them forever, and also he has expressed wanting to come to my house etc. But should I tell them that I have been lying to them all ths time? And how do I tell them? Thank you. xxx
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HONESTY HONESTY HONESTY!!!!
they wont stay mad forever and you need to face this now!
before u get deeper in!
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Its a hard situation your in, I've been through lying about my boyfriend and it puts a lot of strain on your relationship. I think your better off telling them just in case you get caught out somehow. Also I think you should tell them because of the collapsing episode what would happen if something worse happened to you at his place etc. If you can't build up the confidence to tell them to their face maybe write them a letter and explain why you've lied and express how much you'd value their support in your relationship. With your boyfriend wanting to meet your parents thats a good thing and shows he's genuine.
Good Luck xx
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It is NEVER a good thing to base a relationship on lies. If you want your parents to trust you, you can't lie to them about who you are seeing. If you want your boyfriend to respect you and be happy being with you, he doesn't deserve to be "hidden" from your family.
I don't think you would appreciate your parents lying to you about anything. You want to be able to trust them and know that if you need them, they are there for you. That is what a loving family is all about. If you don't give them the same respect, they will be angry... but the anger isn't exactly cut and dry. It is sadness being masked by anger. They love you and want to be able to trust you.
Though I don't know you or your parents, something like this might work out: Tell your parents there is something difficult you need to talk to them about. Go to your living room, family room, whatever and get comfortable. Let them know that you have made a mistake, you have been lying to them, and you feel terrible. That is why you want to get everything out; because they deserve to know the truth. Ask them to have an opened mind. Tell them you have been seeing a boy that you have a lot of fun with. He is different from your previous boyfriend, but he is wonderful and you hope they trust your judgement... don't necessarily expect them to trust you given you are sitting there telling the, you have been lying... but you can try asking for it just the same.
Hopefully this boy is worth you. You mentioned he isn't "parent approved material". Does this mean that deep down he really isn't good enough for YOU either? You say you like him and I don't doubt that. I do not know what the boy's situation is but do you like him for one main reason such as; he's really hot but not necessarily sweet, romantic, friendly, trustworthy, etc. OR he's dangerous and gives you a rush to be with him? That sort of thing. Examine WHY you like him and WHY he isn't parent material. Usually (not always but usually) when parents don't approve of a boy for their daughter it is because they know their daughter and they know she is high quality and deserves better. They have shown they CAN accept a boy you date... just not necessarily THIS boy.
Also, provided your relationship has been... fairly innocent, you may want to open this information up to your parents to help them feel better about you seeing him. IF this is not the case, you feel you HAVE something to hide and this is not healthy. Clearly in this situation, your parents may be right and that upsets you.
I have ALWAYS found that openness and honesty in a relationship is the ONLY way to hold on to this relationship and keep it strong, long lasting.
My answers are always incredibly wrong but I believe in matters of relationships, there is too much one sided information and I do not feel one little paragraph is adequate. This is real life and deserves real attention. This boy means something to you to have you lying to your parents. This just isn't a healthy way to continue on with a relationship. You parents have ALWAYS been there for you and always will be... but boys come and go (at least through your teen years) so try to balance who means more to you and who is easier to dismiss.
Good luck.
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Maybe take some time before telling them, so it won't be so fresh in their minds that you were at his house. And remember! Your parents don't choose who you fall for, you do. If they disapprove, just politely tell them that you're sorry that they had become attached to your ex, but it couldn't work out. Also tell them they should respect your judgement, and to give the poor guy a chance!
Best of luck!
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