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Is it my fault?
Mmm well I had this friend. (not my girlfriend, never intended her to be) She sits next to me in 1st period, and we're both on cross country together. and we used to run together and talk about things.
At first I thought she was really cool, we could connect very well, and talk about personal stuff. She invited me to go with her somewhere, and i thought it would be fun.
Well, a week before we were supposed to go out she told me she planned to go somewhere else with her newer friend (she liked him a bit). and it wasnt the fact that she wanted to go somewhere else instead of hanging out with me, but it was because she like completely forgot about me. i felt like one of those toys you really like, until you get the next coolest then and move on.
she started acting really irritated around me, and completely stopped talking to me 2 weeks. I still put an effort to be nice, I said hi, bye, asked how her day was, and tried to start conversations. but she was really short with me, and would often just walk off instead of saying bye.
one of her friends who is also my friend said she was annoyed because of my "in and out zones". the friend said it meant my happy and sad moments. but i have problems with that because my dad was clinically depressed, and my mom was on drugs when she was pregnant so it fucked with my head. and im also going through many, many, family and friend problems.
so it kinda felt like she was saying: fuck you, i dont care about your problems. i know i feel down a lot and sometimes i dont look very happy, but i try not to be rude, and i still remember my manners. and i was always willing to listen to her and talk. the only time im rude is when im just flirting/playing around with friends. i feel like my problems annoy her, and to be her friend i have to be happy all the time?
so we started off good friends, she was kind of rude when she blew me off, but i was still willing to be her friend, then she stopped talking. she started talking to me again. she thinks im an asshole apparently.
do i have the right to be angry at her? i say a few rude things, but i never intentionally mean to hurt anyone, i just fuck around a lot. i think a lot of guys do. and i always let my friends know im just messing around. its annoying, she was a good friend, we werent friends at all, now she wants to pick me up again like im a fucking book she got tired of reading and regained interest.
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Sounds like a great friend. Ok that was sarcasm. How can your problems be a burden on her if all you have ever done is listen to her go on about her problems?
If that is the way she wants to be, then she's not even worth the effort in the first place. As the saying goes, with friends like that, who needs enemies?
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Did she get upset before or after you freaked out about her canceling plans? If it was after, it may have been that you overreacted when she decided to go out with another person instead of you. It's not the greatest when you get ditched for another person, but the best way to react to that isn't to get angry, it's to calmly explain to the person that canceled on you that you feel hurt by their decision, that now you feel upset. You can be angry, but saying "I'm a little mad" is a lot more acceptable and will help the person try to understand you and gain sympathy for you and your anger than if you come out and freak out on them.
I'm not really sure, even from all the information you put into this question, why she was mad. However, I do doubt that it is because you are clinically depressed and tell her things that you wouldn't necessarily tell other people. Telling people things generally makes a person feel closer to you. Even if you said something a little too personal, it would make her feel more awkward around you rather than angry or upset and it certainly wouldn't make her jump to the "asshole" conclusion.
It was most probably something you did that you forgot that is upsetting her. Something that may not be a big deal to you may matter to her. More likely, it is your anger over this whole thing. Even if there was something that originally made her upset at you, if you ever let her see one ounce of the anger in this post, I guarantee that that is the reason for everything going on between you right there. I'm not even involved in this situation, I don't even know who you are and you will probably never meet me but the intense emotions in this post scare me. I really hope that this is a private ranting and that you are a calmer person in real life, because you seem a little too hurt by her cancellation for the issue to be only about that.
Honestly, though, I think the only person who can really answer your question is the girl herself. Not her friends. Not me. Go up to her when she is in a good mood, preferably alone. Don't be demanding, or angry, or upset, just put on a sortof of face that says "I want to understand" and maybe say something like "We were good friends before. Now I feel like you may be upset at me? I feel like maybe I did something to make you feel like that towards me and though I don't really know what it is, I'm sorry I did it." Try to get her to tell you what you did wrong, but don't push it if she won't.
It's alright to feel angry, but communicating this to her is probably a bad idea because it's basically like saying "You don't have a right to hang out with other people and not talk to me! You have to pay attention to me all of the time!" Although I'm sure that's not what you feel, it would sound that way. When she is around you, try to remember to be a little more careful. Remember, she wasn't even talking to you before. And maybe don't be as rude around her friends (or however you act around them that was making you a little unsure of yourself in this post), just until you are sure that this issue has blown over.
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hm, i think i lack some information to really understand whats going on.
you got jealous. jealousy is an ugly thing. it creeps girls and everyone else out.
would you have been as jealous if she would have made plans with another girl? I ask because I suspect that you like her as a girl but got stuck in the "friends" thing. As a friend you dont have no right to stop her from dating and getting to know new people, in fact you should encourage it and should be willing to help, even if that means missing your friend for some time.
The plancancellation is something you might get angry about, but which i dont think is really appropriate in the situation. she cancelled a week earlier, so her timing should be fine. was it a big thing you planned? if it was like "lets go shopping on sunday" it shouldnt be a deal at all. if it was like "lets make a trip to vegas" its still not thaaat much of a deal and i see no use in getting angry. but she has to say "sorry i want to go with this blablabla guy on a date". If she just acts like "take the trip alone, im having a date" shes disrespecting your time. getting angry is of no use here, because you know the outcome, its much more fun if you just tell her calmly "sorry my time isnt worthless. if you cant respect it and keep up if you make plans with me than you cant make plans with me" and walk away. (well, choose your own wording) And now she can either better her ways("sorry") or she cant be your friend, because if she does not respect you than its a crappy friendship.
you have a right to be angry at whomever you want. but you should try not to get angry because you get angry when you get hurt and you dont want to get hurt.
her perspective: she has a date and cant meet up with you, so she tells you. "all of a sudden" you freak out and pretend like you two just got divorced. so shes pissed for the next week. but she likes you so it should normalize after that.
messing around is a good thing.
the "in and out zones"-thing:
ignore it.
eh, and yes its your fault to an extent(i dont know how appropriate she cancelled plans, im very sure she could have done that better). If you get friends with her again it should depend upon if you like her as a friend. which i think you do. it should not rely on you having a hurt ego. your ego got hurt about irrelevant stuff.
**** edit ***
okay, now I understand better.
no, its not your fault. she treated you like shit for a week, and not like a friend.
i dont think she got angry about your personality in general(because i cant imagine this), I think she got angry about some specific situation, maybe there is something you can remember. making plans with someone else and not talking to you about that is very bad and i see that as a crude mistreatment. i think most friendships end for me there. she may have really forgotten about it, which is strange and something like accidentally putting someones hair on fire, ... you apologize about it afterwards. (but make sure she did say "we are going together" and not "yeah i will be there too") if she ignored that you had made plans because she was pissed at you thats just cruel and a mistake by her.
Either way, its bad to pretend that you forgot about it either(and not believeable by the way). If she stood you up and that pisses you off you have to tell her, because she might not know.
Personally, and im not sure if this is the right thing to do, I would not take any effort to talk with her for at least a week. I would see how I feel after that and how she acts after that. If she ever apologizes I would instantly forgive her.
its hard to know if your friendship still has any worth because we dont know what she was thinking and feeling.
If she makes any effort to talk again with you as friends, before I could accept something like this I would ask her why she didnt come to the party, and then why she didnt tell me. and then tell her that something like this is not ok to me.
that it happened isnt a biggie but you dont want something like that to repeat, and its not possible to do something like that for her without doing damage do the friendship. but be also willing to let it rest when it stops being important, she made a mistake and people make mistakes.
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Listen, you have done NOTHING wrong.
I'm sorry to say this but she's being a bitch. And if she had a problem with your personality she should have had the guts to tell you and not go through her friend (Even if she intended to do that, it sounds like she didn't even care if you knew or not)
This may not be an answer you're looking for and this will sound blunt but:
Don't bother with her. She's being a bitch and isn't bothering with you, so don't even bother with her.
Edit: Yeah, sorry it was more blunt, and not very long. I could have just crapped on in more paragraphs but it still would have had the same meaning.
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