Member Since: October 13, 2007
Answers: 8
Last Update: October 14, 2007
Visitors: 1734
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well thers this guy ive liked for about 3 years now we started out flirting alot, then last year he actually asked me Out & we were togeather for like 1 day then he broke up with me at school with a stupid little note. but then ever since then all last skool year he would tell his friends that he liked me sooo much & that i was beautiful. & he would send me texts saying that he lliked me again & saying really sweet things. now this year, i think he likes me but its that he'l be sweet one day then he'l talk about another girl the next day. he constantly staring at me. & he textd me yesterday "i think one day we r gonna have sex" & he also told me tht he always wanted to lose his virginity with me & he regrets loosing it to some other girl.. im really confused because i LOVE this guy. i need help on wether he likes me or if he just wants sex.. also i want to know if thiers any thing i should do to attract him a littile more :) pls helpp (link)
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difficult one. ill try to reverse some stuff i use on girls for you, just keep in mind that its untested.
first some questions:
why did he break up with you before? sounds kind of suspicious to me. Ive seen this happening to guys because the girls were unsure about the guys, usually because they got all clingy or insecure or creepy. in your case I just dont know, most guys wont even consider that before they had sex with the girl. was there maybe another girl, or pressure from his friends or maybe just something because he was immature?
how will he talk about another girl the next day? to you or to his friends?
your guy sounds like he is a little bit of a player. on one hand I think you should be cautious, on the other hand I dont think its bad if a guy is testing his options and I think many good guys do this who are still great and honest boyfriends.
at least he thinks youre hot, so wee, youre hot ; P. You only need to make sure that he also respects you, which he might or might not, but could probably more in the future. Some guys are just players by nature or by some damage they took in the past. and trying to get their love AND respect is just a hurtful waste of time. but for most others I believe is the attraction done mainly by looks and the respect comes mainly from your personality.
attracting him more while getting and maintaining his respect:
flirting is just great. I doubt that there is much more you should do, and I dont want to push you to it because he seems to be good at flirting and it might have more effect on you than on him.
if I would write or say "i think one day we r gonna have sex" to a girl i would do this to a) make her think about having it with me in order to build tension, befriend her with the thought and make sure I dont get interpreted as just a friend b) to test how she reacts, because this likely gives me feedback where i am with her right now.
if a girl would write or say that to me I would answer something like "oh cool, so you finally started saving up money ;) ?" (which you obviously cant write : >)
I think playing hard to get sometimes is an important part of flirting. chasing and being chased builds up tension.
playing hard to get:
this is a powerful way to make him respect/value you.
the more he works to get you the more value he will feel you have. if he thinks he has no chance at all he will get frustrated and give up, but a little bit of this can go a long way. so I think you build his motivation by hinting he has a chance and use it getting him to invest sweat and spirit in you by being challenging. all of this in a fun way.
the other thing its good if he discovers things about your personality which he likes. think about what traits you like in a guy I think many of those go the other way to. I and pretty much every other guy likes in a girl besides looks:
- intelligence
- education
- funny, good spirited
- charming
- that shes on her way, knows what she wants and takes action to get it
- talents, her being good at things
I think you should go out with the guy and see what hes about. dating should come before a relationship because its like a test phase. I would want from him to ask you out, he should be able to do that. i think youll do fine if you hint him a little bit to it.
for example:
"i think one day we r gonna have sex"
"anytime when we are 60 and desperate. but be warned that ill always make you feel guilty afterwards for never asking me out when we were young"
or
"you think too much and ask me out too little"
as i judge your guy he should ask you out after that. if not I would suggest you try this one more time just in case he did not get it, but after that i would categorize him as playing and not expect the slightest thing. But if he does I would say something like: "okay, if you dress up pretty im free on sunday ; )" but very nice and flirty
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Ok I have liked this girl for a about a month now, and I know she likes me but were not going out yet. I was going through a rough time today, I just lost a good freind, and she was there for me. And I was like " I'm ok now, I cant wait to be home and be with you" and shes like " about that please dont hate me" I was like "ok" and shes "but im really not ready to have sex. i know u said we can wait.. but truthfully i dont think my first time is going to be with u.. ii wanna wait til im older.. like. 18 lol. cause i want to have fun. i dont want to be tied down. so please dont take that the wrong way" and I was like "I dont I understand:)" and shes like " are you sure" and I was like "Yah but if you do then let me know Are relation ship shouldnt be about that:)" and she like"exactly what im thinking. i am getting birth control tho.. its not even about the sex.. i just want it for me.. i want to be safe no matter what.". And then she completly changes the subject about getting my BF jesse's cell phone hes 14/m, there like brothere and sister thought so nothing is going on between them. and after a while I said "I hope im with you for long enough to have sex with you though even if it is at 18" and shes like "haha how cute but we wont stay together that long. i know it:P" and then I was like " If we relly love each othere we can try" and she like "tust me we wont.. im graduating before u" and then she says "and when im graduated.. im going... im moving on.. out to bigger places.. we both have different dreams". Shes tested me before and I have cought on but im not sure about this:S is she testing me or hinting something diffrent help me!! Like I know she loves me. Im 14/m and shes 15/f and shes 6 months older then me. But like the other day she was like "m ready to have sex and I have been looking for a guy I just need to be comfortable with you first" like wtf is that
about im not pissed that we arent having sex I could careless about that cause I love her. But im just pissed if she was just miss leading me into thinking we were going to have sex. I need help. What is she doing by saying all of this stuff? But shes is one to test she told me she has a relly hard time trusting people and I know that!
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eh, shes a young girl, she is curious about sex, and she is afraid of sex, and she does not know what she is doing, but she would like to be knowing what she is doing. some of her actions are born out of curiosity some out of fear, so dont be angry. you could have sex with her if you pulled it off right.
"cause i want to have fun. i dont want to be tied down." bothers me. being tied down has nothing to do with sex, a relationship has to do with being tied(not necessarily down). It seems your relationship to her is already with an expire date(which might be just on a mood swing) and she seems unwilling to take it deeper with you. Youve got to know what the relationship with her is to you. if its more than until graduation than you cant let her define it as a crappy thing, as soon as she gives you crap you have to say "so our relationship is graduation timed before you move to a higher level?" if she says "yes" you say "no thank you." usually she will start defending your relationship here, which is good, the way its happening now you are defending it against her and its a sinking ship. but if you are accepting crap, your getting crap.
**EDIT**
well, I AM jesus, thanks for noticing ; P.
saying "no thank you".
well i might have gotten a little bit carried away there. then again maybe not.
Ill try to put it in words, i might have to talk a little bit around the hotspot till i get there.
Whats a relationship? A relationship is a bond between people. Why do people bond? because its beneficial for both of them. So if you want to have a relationship with somebody especially a traditional 1on1 boygirl relationship you need to give and receive, you need to be able to fulfill certain emotional and/or maybe even practical(but thats not important here) desires of her. she in return needs to fulfill certain standards you have. what those are is a question you have to answer yourself.
some people are together because they are just scared of being alone, the resulting relationships are doomed to be emotionally unfulfilling and the people treat each other bad, as you might have observed. I believe the best reason to stay together is because you chose each other.
If you want to be in a traditional relationship its essential that your standards are met because not having another RS is part of your bond.
I think she is testing her boundaries here. Again dont be angry about that, girls need to do that to feel sure about their guy.
I *feel* like she is implying a lot of things I dont like, I at least would like to have cleared up. to me its like "this is just pre-life, we will be at maximum 2 years or so together after that i will be going to do grander things". And thats not what i want a RS to be. I want fireworks and sparkling, I dont want them to have it planned out, I want them to wonder if we ll break up tomorrow or stay together forever, I want them to worry about how they will stay in contact with me after graduation. (And I dont want to plan sex I want it to happen because of the destinything, because the emotions ask for it). Because to me everything else is fucking boring. And frustrating. and i can do better.
so the "no thank you":
that means "i am not angry. but if that is what you are offering I dont want it" and at this point i would take my leave and do something else. i am absolutely willing to risk the RS, and I believe being willing to risk it is what keeps good. because if I accept whatever she is offering ill get whatever she is offering. which is going to be bad because they try to offer crap sooner or later, to see if you are the real thing. and they get bored and lose attraction if they see that they can do with you whatever they like, the RS with you just loses value.
Pretty much always after I do something "nothankyou"-alike they come back with a redefined behaviour. and they are more attracted, because they are impressed, and they are happier because we are now doing someting meaningful again.
If they dont come back, I think its because she did not like me enough anymore, and everything has gotten crappy already. I think its for the better. I can imagine girls having pride problems with apologizing, but usually they know they are pushing it too far and will go like "no thats not what i meant"
some words of warning: dont do anything you dont feel or understand. you dont have to do something like that as drastic as in my example (personally i dont think it gets so bad if you address things early enough). you just have to understand that when she is doing something which is not ok to you the earlier you address it and say "no." the better. Most of this stuff will come very subtle. usually you can simply laugh at them and make fun of doing whatever is not ok to you.
another thing:
If a girl does not want to live up to your standards its because the value you are offering her back does not feel right, which (well i dont think totally but as a rule of thumb) equals the attraction she feels for you. if a girl likes you enough you can tell her youll only date her if she wears leather. just to illustrate my point, please dont get a pimp now and dont do that unless your both enjoying it. but you should keep an eye on how attracted a girl is to you, for the both of you, and try to keep that going. (I write that because I feel you might have been running a little low on that lately)
I think flirting and teasing is the way to go and you should be like ... hard to handle sometimes.
some quick examples:
"haha how cute but we wont stay together that long. i know it:P" and then I was like " If we really love each othere we can try" for example i think kills some attraction. the "sub-communication" to me(and I am exaggerating) is "no little boy we are not on this level" "but please i want to", its like shes more important than you because the RS is more important to you. ideally it should be the other way around. maybe: "no, YOU are cute... I am sexy ; P."
other examples:
"*she throws a teddybear on the ground*Here, look!"
"oh thats nice, you often torture teddys?"
"no it makes noises"
"oh ok, you like to hear their screams."
"*laughs* no here, feel"
"ah ok... its pregnant, so youre torturing it because its pregnant or a lady?"
"*laughshysterically*"
"*you open a chocolate*"
"I want chocolate!"
"*you take it out, smell on it*"
"I want chocolate!"
"*you take a spoon and scribble a little bit of the sides and taste it*"
"*laughing*I DONT LIKE YOU ANYMORE!"
"No, do you want some chocolate*nice*?"
"Yes!"
"*you lick on the chocolate*"
"*starts to hit you, in the end you give her some chocolate, she ask you "but you didnt lick that part?" you say "NOOoooooo" like you are lying*"
they luv you for stuff like that. notice that there is always some kind of friendly arrogance to that.
if you say "i love you" after she asked it can be a turn-off. If you say I love you after youve stolen sweets from her and she chased you a while it can be great. (then eat it)
about the sex thing:
petting comes first. oh, and you cant make dateplans for sex especially with an inexperienced girl and expect her to keep up with it, because no matter what she thinks first it wont FEEL right to her. They dont know why but the feeling seems to be intense and important, so they come up with strange reasonings why they feel how they feel.
dont expect your gf to know what she is doing, this is or at least should be a very confusing thing for her too, so go soft in your judgement.
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15/f. I'll just get to the point so as not to annoy anyone on here:
So basically, I feel as if no guy will ever like me. I'm smart. Probably one of the smartest kids in my class, and whenever I get the highest grade on something (which is usually..) the guys sitting around me mock and tease me. In a mean way, though. This makes me lose all confidence and think that all guys are like this - Immature. Is this the case? Is there NO guy out there that isn't mean or harsh? (link)
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since they are 15 that does mean nothing. and it might even be a phase. in 1 or 2 years they should all be acting very different. some of them might like you but just suck at expressing. guaranteed.
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im a guy im 13. i like this girl alot and i told her last school year on valentines day in a love letter and i dont know if she likes me and i did ask her in the letter if she liked me but never said a thing. i talked to her this year and i asked her if she read it she said yesthen i asked her what she thought she said something but it was realy realy quite it sounded like a hamber siziling then i said say something even if its stupid which now i think was stupid but she laughed then i told her why cause
i didnt want to annoy her then now we hardly talk or never but every time we see ecother i look at her then the looks at me but she doesnt talk to me any more but she talks to this other boy alot but i think their friends cause every one thinks hes not straight and he agreed i think but her friends like sheild her away from me and my friends sorta do the same does me like me or does she hate me but to nice to say that???????????????im also shy and when im near her its cool and shes beautiful smart and everything but i dont know what to say cause she knows i like her but i dont know if she likes me and its hard to tell can you give me signs and tell me what do i think she might be shy toidont know can you u tell if a girl is shy and tell me signs if she is what should i do ?go for it and ask her and ask her for email address or just forget about it
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no, she does not like you.
eh, thats fucking harsh, sorry. dont worry happens. and no she does not hate you. she just isnt attracted.
if people dont respond to loveletters its because they dont want to. she mumbles something in response because shes embarassed. she laughs because its flattering. if shy girls want to get something going they send friends. you are trying to torture your brain to find a reality in which she is in to you, but no can do.
at the point you are with her you are pretty much sorted out. does not kill you makes you tougher so move on.
for the future:
its no use to tell a girl that you are interested in her before she is interested in you, because by then you are forcing her to make a decision.
girls rely alot more on personality for attraction than we do, its a slower progress for them. if she sees you as a cool fun guy who can stand up for himself and wont get clingy and can do alot of things your chances are much better. You are very young, you have still alot of personality developement ahead of you.
good luck
**edit***
oh one more thing. asking for a telephone number or email is a thing you do with girls you meet in clubs or anywhere else, just in order to make plans with them later. you shouldnt like that and try to do as little of that as possible because this is more difficult than asking them in person so in your case it would be better to ask her out (or even better her and your friends). anyways, only do that if you are happy about crashing and burning, but I suggest you rather get your share of emotional pain in situations where theres still chance.
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okay so like theres this senior, that i like. and he lieks me back. and like we had this thing for like a month where we really weren't going out, but like we were like hanging out and doing kinda boyfriend and girlfriend things((holding hands, mvoei nights.....telling eachother things that no one else noes)) then like recently he told me that he just wanted to be friends, but that he still like me and he was confused. then last sunday he told me that he ws confused because of the age difference between me and him, ((hes a senior and im a sophomore))and that he was kinda afarid to do "stuff". which got me really upset. but now im like over it bc i noe that he still likes me and thats all that matters. but then there is this other guy, freshmen, and he is really sweet and funny, and everyone thinks that he likes me. and i think i might just like him back. there are these times where i think that the freshmen would be better to "go for" becasue there wouldn't be that much of an age difference, and we would be closer. but then i wouldn't noe if what he tells me is sincere bc it would be a chance for him to show me off as his girlfriend who is a year older ((if it escaltes to that)). but then there is the senior, who i know likes me and cares for me, but doesn't know what he wants to do about it. im so confused and just need a seconf opnion. (link)
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i think you have to check out the fresh man more to see if he meets your standards and you think hes true to you(thats what dating is for). dont worry about him bragging, worry about him being good at everything else.
I think the senior thing sounds kind of you have an older friend you like. i wouldnt really expect that something develops out of it (eventhough its not totally impossible), because i think it would have had already if it was meant to.
Cant you "go" for both? you dont know the fresh man well enough yet and you dont know if there is a future with the senior.
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Mmm well I had this friend. (not my girlfriend, never intended her to be) She sits next to me in 1st period, and we're both on cross country together. and we used to run together and talk about things.
At first I thought she was really cool, we could connect very well, and talk about personal stuff. She invited me to go with her somewhere, and i thought it would be fun.
Well, a week before we were supposed to go out she told me she planned to go somewhere else with her newer friend (she liked him a bit). and it wasnt the fact that she wanted to go somewhere else instead of hanging out with me, but it was because she like completely forgot about me. i felt like one of those toys you really like, until you get the next coolest then and move on.
she started acting really irritated around me, and completely stopped talking to me 2 weeks. I still put an effort to be nice, I said hi, bye, asked how her day was, and tried to start conversations. but she was really short with me, and would often just walk off instead of saying bye.
one of her friends who is also my friend said she was annoyed because of my "in and out zones". the friend said it meant my happy and sad moments. but i have problems with that because my dad was clinically depressed, and my mom was on drugs when she was pregnant so it fucked with my head. and im also going through many, many, family and friend problems.
so it kinda felt like she was saying: fuck you, i dont care about your problems. i know i feel down a lot and sometimes i dont look very happy, but i try not to be rude, and i still remember my manners. and i was always willing to listen to her and talk. the only time im rude is when im just flirting/playing around with friends. i feel like my problems annoy her, and to be her friend i have to be happy all the time?
so we started off good friends, she was kind of rude when she blew me off, but i was still willing to be her friend, then she stopped talking. she started talking to me again. she thinks im an asshole apparently.
do i have the right to be angry at her? i say a few rude things, but i never intentionally mean to hurt anyone, i just fuck around a lot. i think a lot of guys do. and i always let my friends know im just messing around. its annoying, she was a good friend, we werent friends at all, now she wants to pick me up again like im a fucking book she got tired of reading and regained interest.
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hm, i think i lack some information to really understand whats going on.
you got jealous. jealousy is an ugly thing. it creeps girls and everyone else out.
would you have been as jealous if she would have made plans with another girl? I ask because I suspect that you like her as a girl but got stuck in the "friends" thing. As a friend you dont have no right to stop her from dating and getting to know new people, in fact you should encourage it and should be willing to help, even if that means missing your friend for some time.
The plancancellation is something you might get angry about, but which i dont think is really appropriate in the situation. she cancelled a week earlier, so her timing should be fine. was it a big thing you planned? if it was like "lets go shopping on sunday" it shouldnt be a deal at all. if it was like "lets make a trip to vegas" its still not thaaat much of a deal and i see no use in getting angry. but she has to say "sorry i want to go with this blablabla guy on a date". If she just acts like "take the trip alone, im having a date" shes disrespecting your time. getting angry is of no use here, because you know the outcome, its much more fun if you just tell her calmly "sorry my time isnt worthless. if you cant respect it and keep up if you make plans with me than you cant make plans with me" and walk away. (well, choose your own wording) And now she can either better her ways("sorry") or she cant be your friend, because if she does not respect you than its a crappy friendship.
you have a right to be angry at whomever you want. but you should try not to get angry because you get angry when you get hurt and you dont want to get hurt.
her perspective: she has a date and cant meet up with you, so she tells you. "all of a sudden" you freak out and pretend like you two just got divorced. so shes pissed for the next week. but she likes you so it should normalize after that.
messing around is a good thing.
the "in and out zones"-thing:
ignore it.
eh, and yes its your fault to an extent(i dont know how appropriate she cancelled plans, im very sure she could have done that better). If you get friends with her again it should depend upon if you like her as a friend. which i think you do. it should not rely on you having a hurt ego. your ego got hurt about irrelevant stuff.
**** edit ***
okay, now I understand better.
no, its not your fault. she treated you like shit for a week, and not like a friend.
i dont think she got angry about your personality in general(because i cant imagine this), I think she got angry about some specific situation, maybe there is something you can remember. making plans with someone else and not talking to you about that is very bad and i see that as a crude mistreatment. i think most friendships end for me there. she may have really forgotten about it, which is strange and something like accidentally putting someones hair on fire, ... you apologize about it afterwards. (but make sure she did say "we are going together" and not "yeah i will be there too") if she ignored that you had made plans because she was pissed at you thats just cruel and a mistake by her.
Either way, its bad to pretend that you forgot about it either(and not believeable by the way). If she stood you up and that pisses you off you have to tell her, because she might not know.
Personally, and im not sure if this is the right thing to do, I would not take any effort to talk with her for at least a week. I would see how I feel after that and how she acts after that. If she ever apologizes I would instantly forgive her.
its hard to know if your friendship still has any worth because we dont know what she was thinking and feeling.
If she makes any effort to talk again with you as friends, before I could accept something like this I would ask her why she didnt come to the party, and then why she didnt tell me. and then tell her that something like this is not ok to me.
that it happened isnt a biggie but you dont want something like that to repeat, and its not possible to do something like that for her without doing damage do the friendship. but be also willing to let it rest when it stops being important, she made a mistake and people make mistakes.
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15/f. When I masturbate on my own, I find I finish quicker watching girls. I can finish by watching guys, but girls are quicker. I think the idea of ever being with a girl is absolutely REVOLTING, and I am never attracted to a girl if I see her walking down the street or anything. Just on the computer. What is wrong with me? (link)
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nothing is wrong with you. all girls are bi if they are not lesbians, deal with it. its ok, its normal, men dont care, most women deny it, all had fantasies, most had experiences, who cares. women are prettier than men and more sensitive at touching.
they made a study in which they showed pornographic videos of man and woman, man and man, and woman and woman and the woman did not respond to man and man but to the other ones.
must be some genetic thing, do whatever you like.
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I really like one of my friends, J, and I really would like to go out with him. What kind of stuff should I do to like try attract him and get him to know that I like him, besides the really obvious stuff like playing with hair? And what kind of girls do you think are really pretty. Sorry I don't have a pic of me but I have lightish brown hair thats a little longer than shoulder length, am 5"4, am fair-skinned, really big blue eyes, and kind of skinny. (link)
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lol, tz, girls... ;)
things like playing with your hair are NOT obvious to the vast majority of guys. all the subtle stuff will usually be lost on them because guys are very dense when it comes to body language.
Reading your post I think you both are very young, and you might be still one of his first possible girlfriends. As a rule of thumb: a guy is attracted to any girl. guys are easy as long as you dont have competition.
So I think you could simply say something like "hey, why dont you invite me to some cool concert next saturday?" and it would work. but I dont think you want to do that.
1. You want to make him think he has a chance with you, so that he will try to attract you.
2. You dont want to show too much interest in him, because that can be a turnoff(dont worry about that too much, just notice that clingy girls get boring after a while).
so how do you attract guys?:
1. looks. and thats pretty much it. sorry to tell you but thats the first and most important quality a guy looks for in a girl.
2. not being a total psycho. I think you can handle that. some girls cant.
3. personality. being cool and fun and intelligent. having goals in life. etc.
I dont think there are any major things you could do to attract him(except wearing a skirt), because a guy can see a woman from BEHIND and know that hes attracted to her(well, until she turns around with the moleman-face). and for the minor part personality plays, you know each other already so there isnt much to do.
I believe you can assume that he feels at least some attraction for you(that does NOT mean he is in love, but hey, we have to start somewhere). So the problem isnt how to attract him but how to make him approach you. Why didnt he approach you already if hes attracted? Well, because getting rejected is a scary thing, especially in your social circle. and approaching a girl is hell of an emotional effort. I believe you can lessen his fear and strengthen his spirits if you make him think he has a chance.
So how could you do that?
1. start small first and see how he responds. try this: make him a really sweet compliment. just one. it does not matter what it is about but it should really boost his ego. Something he does not get complimented on often is better. If your compliment is good he will spent a lot of time thinking about you.
2. flirt. negging and banter is very sexy and great fun. it builds up tension. dont get mean, but understand that you can say "i hate you" and communicate "i love you". btw, thats like magnifying attraction.
3. smile at him and look at him, try to spend some time close to him. being close to a girl makes guys senses go crazy.
I think those are very powerful and should suffice.
For everything else, dont be too easy, or he wont feel like you dont have much value, dont be too hard, because then he will give up.
2nd questions answer:
all girls are pretty. some more than others :P
you sound above average pretty, so worry about something else. oh, and tastes really differ(eventhough there are tendencies, long hair, nice proportions, big blue eyes ;P etc.).
good luck
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