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Is she hinting or testing
Ok I have liked this girl for a about a month now, and I know she likes me but were not going out yet. I was going through a rough time today, I just lost a good freind, and she was there for me. And I was like " I'm ok now, I cant wait to be home and be with you" and shes like " about that please dont hate me" I was like "ok" and shes "but im really not ready to have sex. i know u said we can wait.. but truthfully i dont think my first time is going to be with u.. ii wanna wait til im older.. like. 18 lol. cause i want to have fun. i dont want to be tied down. so please dont take that the wrong way" and I was like "I dont I understand:)" and shes like " are you sure" and I was like "Yah but if you do then let me know Are relation ship shouldnt be about that:)" and she like"exactly what im thinking. i am getting birth control tho.. its not even about the sex.. i just want it for me.. i want to be safe no matter what.". And then she completly changes the subject about getting my BF jesse's cell phone hes 14/m, there like brothere and sister thought so nothing is going on between them. and after a while I said "I hope im with you for long enough to have sex with you though even if it is at 18" and shes like "haha how cute but we wont stay together that long. i know it:P" and then I was like " If we relly love each othere we can try" and she like "tust me we wont.. im graduating before u" and then she says "and when im graduated.. im going... im moving on.. out to bigger places.. we both have different dreams". Shes tested me before and I have cought on but im not sure about this:S is she testing me or hinting something diffrent help me!! Like I know she loves me. Im 14/m and shes 15/f and shes 6 months older then me. But like the other day she was like "m ready to have sex and I have been looking for a guy I just need to be comfortable with you first" like wtf is that
about im not pissed that we arent having sex I could careless about that cause I love her. But im just pissed if she was just miss leading me into thinking we were going to have sex. I need help. What is she doing by saying all of this stuff? But shes is one to test she told me she has a relly hard time trusting people and I know that!
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eh, shes a young girl, she is curious about sex, and she is afraid of sex, and she does not know what she is doing, but she would like to be knowing what she is doing. some of her actions are born out of curiosity some out of fear, so dont be angry. you could have sex with her if you pulled it off right.
"cause i want to have fun. i dont want to be tied down." bothers me. being tied down has nothing to do with sex, a relationship has to do with being tied(not necessarily down). It seems your relationship to her is already with an expire date(which might be just on a mood swing) and she seems unwilling to take it deeper with you. Youve got to know what the relationship with her is to you. if its more than until graduation than you cant let her define it as a crappy thing, as soon as she gives you crap you have to say "so our relationship is graduation timed before you move to a higher level?" if she says "yes" you say "no thank you." usually she will start defending your relationship here, which is good, the way its happening now you are defending it against her and its a sinking ship. but if you are accepting crap, your getting crap.
**EDIT**
well, I AM jesus, thanks for noticing ; P.
saying "no thank you".
well i might have gotten a little bit carried away there. then again maybe not.
Ill try to put it in words, i might have to talk a little bit around the hotspot till i get there.
Whats a relationship? A relationship is a bond between people. Why do people bond? because its beneficial for both of them. So if you want to have a relationship with somebody especially a traditional 1on1 boygirl relationship you need to give and receive, you need to be able to fulfill certain emotional and/or maybe even practical(but thats not important here) desires of her. she in return needs to fulfill certain standards you have. what those are is a question you have to answer yourself.
some people are together because they are just scared of being alone, the resulting relationships are doomed to be emotionally unfulfilling and the people treat each other bad, as you might have observed. I believe the best reason to stay together is because you chose each other.
If you want to be in a traditional relationship its essential that your standards are met because not having another RS is part of your bond.
I think she is testing her boundaries here. Again dont be angry about that, girls need to do that to feel sure about their guy.
I *feel* like she is implying a lot of things I dont like, I at least would like to have cleared up. to me its like "this is just pre-life, we will be at maximum 2 years or so together after that i will be going to do grander things". And thats not what i want a RS to be. I want fireworks and sparkling, I dont want them to have it planned out, I want them to wonder if we ll break up tomorrow or stay together forever, I want them to worry about how they will stay in contact with me after graduation. (And I dont want to plan sex I want it to happen because of the destinything, because the emotions ask for it). Because to me everything else is fucking boring. And frustrating. and i can do better.
so the "no thank you":
that means "i am not angry. but if that is what you are offering I dont want it" and at this point i would take my leave and do something else. i am absolutely willing to risk the RS, and I believe being willing to risk it is what keeps good. because if I accept whatever she is offering ill get whatever she is offering. which is going to be bad because they try to offer crap sooner or later, to see if you are the real thing. and they get bored and lose attraction if they see that they can do with you whatever they like, the RS with you just loses value.
Pretty much always after I do something "nothankyou"-alike they come back with a redefined behaviour. and they are more attracted, because they are impressed, and they are happier because we are now doing someting meaningful again.
If they dont come back, I think its because she did not like me enough anymore, and everything has gotten crappy already. I think its for the better. I can imagine girls having pride problems with apologizing, but usually they know they are pushing it too far and will go like "no thats not what i meant"
some words of warning: dont do anything you dont feel or understand. you dont have to do something like that as drastic as in my example (personally i dont think it gets so bad if you address things early enough). you just have to understand that when she is doing something which is not ok to you the earlier you address it and say "no." the better. Most of this stuff will come very subtle. usually you can simply laugh at them and make fun of doing whatever is not ok to you.
another thing:
If a girl does not want to live up to your standards its because the value you are offering her back does not feel right, which (well i dont think totally but as a rule of thumb) equals the attraction she feels for you. if a girl likes you enough you can tell her youll only date her if she wears leather. just to illustrate my point, please dont get a pimp now and dont do that unless your both enjoying it. but you should keep an eye on how attracted a girl is to you, for the both of you, and try to keep that going. (I write that because I feel you might have been running a little low on that lately)
I think flirting and teasing is the way to go and you should be like ... hard to handle sometimes.
some quick examples:
"haha how cute but we wont stay together that long. i know it:P" and then I was like " If we really love each othere we can try" for example i think kills some attraction. the "sub-communication" to me(and I am exaggerating) is "no little boy we are not on this level" "but please i want to", its like shes more important than you because the RS is more important to you. ideally it should be the other way around. maybe: "no, YOU are cute... I am sexy ; P."
other examples:
"*she throws a teddybear on the ground*Here, look!"
"oh thats nice, you often torture teddys?"
"no it makes noises"
"oh ok, you like to hear their screams."
"*laughs* no here, feel"
"ah ok... its pregnant, so youre torturing it because its pregnant or a lady?"
"*laughshysterically*"
"*you open a chocolate*"
"I want chocolate!"
"*you take it out, smell on it*"
"I want chocolate!"
"*you take a spoon and scribble a little bit of the sides and taste it*"
"*laughing*I DONT LIKE YOU ANYMORE!"
"No, do you want some chocolate*nice*?"
"Yes!"
"*you lick on the chocolate*"
"*starts to hit you, in the end you give her some chocolate, she ask you "but you didnt lick that part?" you say "NOOoooooo" like you are lying*"
they luv you for stuff like that. notice that there is always some kind of friendly arrogance to that.
if you say "i love you" after she asked it can be a turn-off. If you say I love you after youve stolen sweets from her and she chased you a while it can be great. (then eat it)
about the sex thing:
petting comes first. oh, and you cant make dateplans for sex especially with an inexperienced girl and expect her to keep up with it, because no matter what she thinks first it wont FEEL right to her. They dont know why but the feeling seems to be intense and important, so they come up with strange reasonings why they feel how they feel.
dont expect your gf to know what she is doing, this is or at least should be a very confusing thing for her too, so go soft in your judgement.
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Either she is testing you, which makes her a cold-hearted, munipulative bitch OR she is being honest, and telling you straight up that you absolutely don't have a future with her beyond high school.
Basically, she doesn't really care about you all the much. She cares about her own future and, as she said, having fun. She doesn't love you. She loves herself the most. That doesn't make her a horrible peron, but the both of you really need to be honest about that.
So you could stay with her for the next two years, vainly hoping she will grow to really love you, and be willing to compromise and stay with you, but that probably won't happen. She will drop in you a heart beat if she meets someone who is more fun, or when she gradutes and her real life starts.
So why is she leading you on about sex? She TOLD you why she is doing it! It's fun!
Stop leting her yank your chain. You don't have to believe it or like it, it is still the truth: This girl is walking all over you and has no intention or desire of ever being a loving partner with you.
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