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parents
ok, well I am 7-10 years older than my little sisters and brother. When I was growing up I was only allowed to watch an hour of tv a week and my parents made me eat a green vegetable with every meal and all that. My parents split up, so now I have little siblings, but they are technically my half siblings. I love them so much, but I feel like my dad and stepmom like, don't care. It's not that they don't love them, i mean they do, a TON. They are great, loving parents. I'm 15/f and whenever I get involved, like commenting on how much tv they watch (they watch a lot) or the fact that the only vegetable they eat is carrots, my step mom gets mad at me. I can't really talk to my dad alone because he gets defensive as well and thinks I'm only saying this because I don't get along with my step mom. I love these kids and I really want them to be healthy, so what should I do? I'm a really anxious, worried person as it is, so it bothers me knowing that they are frying their brains and not getting proper nutrients in their diet. I don't know what to do!
please help
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Well, as you've already found out, talking to your parents is probably not going to change things. But there are some things that you can do to help your siblings.
I'm sure they really look up to you and probably idolize everything you do. So you can set a good example for them to follow. When you go out to eat, order some veggies and make a big deal about how good they are. When you're around them, don't watch TV yourself... let them see you being involved in other activities.
You could also offer to plan and prepare some meals for the whole family sometimes, and include some healthy stuff. You could even get your siblings to help with the cooking, and make it like a fun project. (If they've helped prepare the food, they'll probably be more willing to try it). When you see them watching too much TV, offer to take them to the park, play a game with them, or go on a bike ride.
If you can expose them to some healthy foods and some activities besides TV - even if they don't get it on a regular basis - they'll grow up being more open to trying new things. And when they're old enough to choose their meals and activities themselves, hopefully they'll make some better choices.
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Honey, you are taking on an awful lot of responsibility and worry, that does not have to be your concern. I mean it is OK that your mom and dad, when they were married, limited how much TV you watched and made you eat green vegetables. The key here is "my house - my rules". (This is something you will understand better when you have your own home and your own kids.) Now it is your step mom who is the "mother of the house". And it is "her house - her rules". Sure I know your dad is there too, but really it is the 'mom' in most households who make the rules, Dads just go along with them to keep peace.
Honey, there are a lot of good reasons why kids should not watch too much TV and there are a lot of good reasons why we should ALL eat green vegetables. But there are kids and adults out there that DO watch to much TV and that never ever ate a green vegetable, and nothing bad ever happened. So if your step mom wants to make different rules than your mom did, it is a lot easier to just go along with her rules than try to change them. Or even to question them. Because many times adults don't feel like they have to explain things to kids. I disagree, but hey that's "my house and my rules".
Thing is parents know, that they can put all these restrictions on kids and make all these rules, and some day those kids are going to grow up and leave home and if all they want to do is watch TV and eat pizza, there is not alot that parents can do about it. The rules that parent's impose on us as children are meant to be guidlines, they are meant to keep us safe, and hopefully give us the tools we need to grow up happy, healthy and with a zest for life. Your half siblings still have a great chance of growing up to be fine....the most important thing you can all give them is LOVE. Just like you said, you love them to death.
Here is a little more advice. Choose your battles wisely, dear. Don't make this issue so important that is brings stress in to the household. There are so many more important things to worry about. Save it for that. I hope that I explained this OK, and that you find more reasons to be happy and grateful for your siblings than to worry about them.
Good luck to you. I hope your parents and your siblings know how lucky they are to have you as an older sister.
Michele
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Basically, as parents have more kids they usually aren't as strict. My younger brother got to do so much more and was spoiled more than my older brother and I were. It's not that they don't care anymore, it's just that they don't think it's necessary to be as strict.
It may be that, or that your mom enforced those rules when your parents were still together and your dad went along with your mom.
Whatever the reason, obviously arguing with your dad and step mom about it isn't going to work. Try not to let them feel like they're raising their kids wrong, parents don't like that and it'll make them get defensive.
What you should do is try to get your siblings to like fruits and veggies. Go on the internet and search healthy snack recipes. There's many out there that you can make that taste good and that the kids will like. Once your dad and step mom see that they like them, they'll start buying more and gradually you can make the things in your pantry and fridge healthier.
Take your siblings outside to play instead of watching t.v. Teach them games, or just take them to a park so they can play on a swing set or something like that. They'll see that being outside can be more fun than watching t.v. Also, if you know of any friend's they have, ask their parents if it's okay for them to go to the park as well so they have them to play with.
So there's things you can do if you don't like they way they are right now that don't challenge your parent's authority. Also, getting more than an hour a week of t.v. is okay, as long as it isn't all they do. I'm sure if you get them outside though, that'll change. You can also ask your parents to sign them up for a team sport. Soccer, basketball, volleyball, football, whatever.
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I can see where you're coming from, but you aren't their parents. You have to let your dad & your step mom make the rules for them. There could be plenty of reasons on why they aren't so strict on your siblings. For one thing, your parents are split up. So therefore, you grew up with a different mother. Maybe your mom was the one who really enforced the rules of watching tv & eating vegetables. Your dad may not have taken it so seriously, but followed what your mom said. Also, times did change. You are a lot older than your siblings & you could be considered the 'testing' child. It isn't a bad thing. They just believed then that watching an hour a tv & making you eat more vegetables was nutritious & both great ideas to use. Since that was years ago, your dad probably realized that it isn't necessary to do those things or he just doesn't have the time to take them into consideration. You also have to realize that your step mom is not your mom, therefore she has different rules & guidelines for her children. You can still pull your dad aside & talk to him about it calmly. Don't make it sound as if you're jealous because you had to do those things & they don't. If you sound more concerned for them & sound caring, he might listen & just talk to your step mom about it in an adult manner. If you approach him as an adult, he'll respond better & will treat you as an adult even though you're only 15. You should still show respect & maturity. You can explain to your step mom also that you're worried & are an anxious person. If you show concern, rather than jealousy or anger, you'll probably get a lot farther in the conversation. You could talk to your siblings also. Maybe say "hey why don't we go outside & do this" or ask to take them places so that you're pulling them away from the tv. If they see that you're eating your vegetables, they might do the same. Encourage them to follow what you're doing.
-hope that helped!♥
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