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Do I have a problem with commitment?
14/f
I seem to have a problem, I always like guys that aren't available. Sometimes I fall hard, and then get really depressed because I know I can't have them.
A few times in the past, boys I've liked have asked me out, and before I've had time to think about it, I've said no. And after I think, what did I do that for?
And boys I've liked have chatted me up at parties and I've got away from them quickly. And I always regret it.
Now, I've been in love with this boy for the past 4 months. And he really is the most amazing boy I've ever met. He seemed to be in a really serious relationship with his girlfriend and I'd cry all the time because of it.
A few days ago he told me he likes me as more than a friend, and I was ecstatically happy. Although I didn't think anything would happen for quite a long time because of his relationship with his girlfriend.
But then he said he's not sure what's going on with them at the moment, and recently has been talking about breaking up with her, although he's not sure. And his best mate keeps making comments that make it sound as if it's because he wants to be with someone else.
And suddenly I feel like I'm in a panic, and I don't feel as happy and I feel quite worried.
And I don't know why, I mean, I've wanted this for months now, right?
Yet I can't help it, it seems as soon as someone starts to like me, I pull away.
Do you have any idea why I do this? Is it to do with commitment? And how can I stop it?
Thanks in advance, sorry it was long, xxx
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Shesh babe! You are fourteen years old. You are young, inexperienced and learning about relationships with guys.
You don't have 'commitment issues'. You are just a bit nervous because you have no idea what commitment means yet! It's the unknown that scares you.
That means liking taken guys is safe. It's easy to like someone who you never admit it too and who you could never have. That isn't scary. It takes no work at all!
But when someone likes you back, well, that takes a bit of work doesn't it? You feel like you suddenly owe them something. You have to think about what you are going to say and do.
Just realize it's only the fear talking. Being afraid is okay, and normal and natural in something new. You'll probably be a bit afraid at the beginning of every new relationship you start! You just need to take a deep breath and get over it so that you can move past that awkward and scared stage and realize it isn’t so bad after all.
Stop worrying about things you can't control, and lean back and wait for them to unfold. Deal with the actually problem when and if an actual problem comes up! Right now there is no problem. You just have to wait and see where things go.
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haha. Yeah I just think you're young like me and you're not ready for a serious relationship. I know what you're saying. Guys act like they really want me and stuff then they turn around and screw or go out with some other girl. Enough about me though. Ok. So I'm not sure if it has anything to do with a commitment but he probably still has a lot of long hard feelings for her. People can break up and never talk to each other and it doesnt matter how long they've went out or anything. because I know a guy that broke up with his girlfriend of like 4 years but the realtionship changed and they never really talk I don't guess. They still have no communcation and they went out for like ever! So, don't worry you can lose feelings fast. You just realize you need to move on from them. thats that!!! ok!! bye bye!
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You probably just get nervous, it might be with commitment but it also might be your nervous what is going to happen next, and your afraid to figure it out. so like i said i think the reason you pull away is because you can get nervous without even realizing it. What might help is to think of all the advantages, and just try to take a little time to think before you say something to make sure thats what you want to say.
hope i helped :]
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As you've said it may well be the fear of commitment but it may also have a lot to do with the fear of letting someone too close or fear of getting hurt. I mean liking someone from a distance is always safer because they can't really hurt you as opposed to them being with you. It may be the case with you but then again it might not be. Maybe you just panic at the thought that you may actually get what you desire. There's no fix as such and I cerainly have no idea what you can do to fix this problem becuase for all we know it's a problem deep in your subconscious mind and I think the only real way you'll be able to get past it is by facing up to what the problem is and trying your best to get out of the habit of running whenever someone you like actually does make a move on you or approaches you.
On a side note - if this guy is willing to break up with his girlfriend to go out with you then it is always common sense to ask yourself if another girl comes into the picture a few months down could he very well do the same to you for her?
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