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how can you be confident when all friends do is put themselv
Okay, i'm trying this new thing were everyday i think of the good qualities of myself. And it seems to be working, i am more confident in everything! So then everything is great, until i get to school. I Love my friends. But all they do is put themselves down! One of my friends the other day, all she said almost all day was "Im Fat. I need to lose weight." and i kept telling her she doesnt. But when she keeps saying it, i feel the need to put myself down aswell, like say, "No your not, i am". And i want to be able to stop doing that. I dont know if this question makes much sence, but i tried. What im bascially saying is, How can i get myself to stop putting myself down infront of friends who put themselfs down.
lol that didnt make sence XD
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
At one point we all put ourselves down just for the fact that we think it'll make our friends "feel better about themselves" which is totally not worth it. It's shown in pop culture most the time that it's acceptable to put ourselves down for the benefit for others. So at least you're trying to break the mold of that.
Keep doing what you're doing thinking about the good qualities of yourself. You should try talking to your friends though about it. I doubt they'll understand unless they're extremely mature about it. You need to tell that if they keep saying negative things about themselves, that's what's going to be projected to people in general no matter what.
Everytime one of your friends says something negative about themselvs don't think you're expected to put yourself down equally. If they say "I'm fat I need to lose weight." You should say something like "Maybe you should love yourself for what you have." Corny I know, but it might get them to stop putting themselves down. Just keep in mind that for the most part they're not going to change so you need to stay positive with you're outlook on everything.
I hope this helps you, and good luck. Stay positive too, and don't try to bring yourself down. :)
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First of all, I think it's great that you're appreciating the good qualities of yourself and working on thinking positive.
I think a lot of times people put themselves down the way your friends do because of insecurity, and a lot of times I think people even expect it of eachother, which is sad. But the best thing I can suggest is to try very hard not to fall into that trap when you're around your friends. Be a good example to them by pointing out to them what you see as their good points and when they put themselves down just say "No, you're not" and then change the subject.
I think that the more you do this, and the more that you show yourself to be comfortable with yourself and a confident person, the more this will rub off on your friends. Even if they don't stop the habit of putting themselves down, at least you will still be feeling good about yourself for not putting yourself down. Best of luck to you!
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Just don't make any comments when they say that to you. Or just say something simple like "your not fat." Its good that your trying to be confident in yourself. Help you friends try to do it with you maybe that will help!
jess<3
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It did make sense.
Basically, don't respond when they say that. A lot of my friends constantly complain about how "fat" they are aswell. What I do is either say "Yeah, you are fat" or simply walk away. When I do agree with one of my friends fat comments it is usually sarcastic.
Whichever way you choose, don't put yourself down! You could also explain to them your methods of being positive. It could help them.
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Putting yourself down isn't the only way to make them feel better bout themselves.
You should teach them to be confident, the way you taught yourself to be confident. Making people feel confident isn't bout comparing yourself to the others and trying to outdo one another. If you were to see putting yourself down as a way of bringing up their self esteem, then you're only helping them momentararily. Once your friend mixes around with other people, she'll start complaining again and wat you did last time will encourage her to expect that the others should also put themselves down in order for her to feel better. I know this sentence is a bit long and hard to swallow. But I hope you get what I mean.
You have to tell yourself first that by putting yourself down infront of them, only makes them feel better temporarily and what's worse, it makes you feel even lousier.
Next time, rougly ponder over what you're gonna say when your friends start putting themselves down. Tell yourself not to degrade yourself infront of them. While pepping them up, if you feel that you're gonna start degrading yourself again, then keep quiet. Don't say anything. Silence is golden at such point in time. Keep encouraging her and tell her, if she feels fat, do something, complaining isn't gonna get her anywhere. Tell her what her good qualities are. And keep reminding her of those qualities instead of bringing yourself down everytime she feels sorry for herself.
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Oh no, you're doing it again! Don't worry, that makes sense.
Next time your friends put themselves down, instead of saying that you're the one who (for example) needs to lose weight, just say something positive about your friends and change the topic so that you can just all focus on talking instead of feeling bad about yourselves.
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