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Involved mom
Sometimes my mom can be my best friend, but often she takes it way too far. She'll ask me very private questions, won't let me have time to myself, and whenever I don't get invited somewhere she pesters me to basically admit to her that I'm a loser. She's always making me feel worse about myself asking questions like "Why does no one like you? Why don't they invite you places? Why are you sitting home alone again?" I quit cheerleading a few months ago (she was totally against me quitting it) so now she always tells me if I stuck with cheering I'd actually have friends. This really hurts.
I've tried asking her to stop, but then she just tells me I'm too sensitive and to get over myself. I'm not sure what to do about her anymore.
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Your mom cares about you and thats a good thing. Try sitting her down and telling her how that makes you feel and that you are working on making friends. Tell her you're glad shes interested but shes making you feel worse. You can also tell her that sometimes you like "alone" time and you would like it if she respected your privacy.
Good luck =)
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Your mom is trying to re-live her life through you. Maybe she had lots of friends when she was your age, and was popular, or maybe she wasn't. Whatever the answer, she wants you to be popular. She may think that by being popular, it makes her a better mom. This is wrong, and really places a lot of pressure on you. YOu have to be your own person. If you like cheerleading you would have stuck to it. It should be up to you with whom and where you want to spend your personal time. Your mom's behavior seems shallow to me. But you don't seem like a shallow person. You don't place a lot of importance on being popular. that is a good thing, because "life" is nothing like high school. I know that we are often intimidated by our parents, and we think they have all the answers, and are smarter than us, or should be.....but that is not always the case. You seem like a sensitive and deep individual. Are you interested in volunteer work? Can you find some volunteer work to do this summer, so you'll be busy and she'll be off your back. Working with kids or animals, or even at the library. Is there a summer camp near you, for little kids, where you can be a counselor? If she thinks you should be hanging out at the mall with friends instead of doing volunteer work, tell her you think that making a difference in the world is so much better than being materialistic. Or waiting for someone else to fix the problems we face. We can all make a difference. Hey maybe she'll be influenced by you, and start to think less of herself, And start to believe that what is important is to be smart, unselfish, and resourceful, like you.
Good luck to you.
Michele
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Sounds like your mom is just trying a little too hard. She probably just sees it as her way of helping you out, and doesn't realize what she's doing to you. If it's to the point where she's insulting you to your face, tell her to back off. She doesn't have the right to be that controlling. You should try to sit down with her, and have a serious talk with her. If she's asking those kinds of questions, its not you being sensitive at all.
hope I helped.
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She sounds like my moms, mom who was very manipulative or however you spell that, she was always trying to get my mom to do whatever she(not my mom) wanted, by attacking her emotionally and then making her depend on my grandma so my mom would do what she wanted, in other words make sure shes not doing any mind games or anything, tell her what shes doing is not acceptable and you will not tolerate it if she wants to talk to you then she can be positive and accept what your doing in life, after all its not hers
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Personally if I was in your shoes I wouldn't ask her to stop because that just may make it seem like your whining or being a baby. I would personally just tell her how you feel or if your not into that kind of thing prove to her that you have friends. Or if it gets to the point where she doesn't pay attention to your efforts, stand back for a little and see how she reacts. Don't talk to her about personal problems, if you need to, talk to a friend. See if she gets the hint and she may approach you and ask "What's wrong?". Then if she does tell her how you feel when she is putting you down about your social life and tell her that it is lowering your self-esteem. Hopefully she will listen and become a little understanding.
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Tell her that she is your mom, and its not that she doesn't need to care, [trust me, she does care if she's continually talking to you.. some teens NEVER talk to their parents and regret it later in life], its just that your mom needs to be your MOM. I know that sounds obvious, but she doesn't need to be your best friend. She needs to discipline you when necessary, set rules, and establish a healthy environment for you. Tell her that its okay that she cares about you, but you can handle things on your own SOMETIMES. Tell her that you need to start making some of your own decisions [friend-wise and all the other things she "pesters" you over], and that if you need help, you'll ask her.
I hope that wasn't confusing with all the brackets...
AND!
Congrats on being my 500th question answered!!
--Jack
(15/m)
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