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alcoholism
i apologize in advance for the length.
i'm 17/f. i don't like drinking. i don't find a point in it. my mom and my sister drink all of the time. it makes them do ridiculously stupid things; typical when you are drunk. my mom has done things like walked into doors, broken valuable things of hers, fallen down the stairs with my cat in her hand, and so on and so forth. my sister is only 19, and she drinks almost every night out of the week. her and her boyfriend broke up over her heavy alcohol use. now, my boyfriend is starting to become a big alcohol user. when i try saying something to them, they say i'm preaching to them, or i'm making everyone mad by preaching to them. what can i say? i'm so sick of everyone telling me i'm preaching to them. i don't like the people they are when they are drinking, and either is my dad. my dad's not even talking to my mom anymore. i need advice on what to say. i don't want to cry about the way things are around my house anymore. any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks :)
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I agree with what basketcase_x08 said, it's certianly things you can try.
I drink socially and only socially and even then I am very selective about what I drink. I've only ever once (maybe twice) gotten drunk and even then I was still clear headed enough to know what I am doing. My dad is an alcoholic (still is) and after seeing some horrible stuff because of that it had put me off alcohol a very long time. Now if I drink as I said it's when I'm out and I'm around people I know or can trust otherwise I stick to soft drinks. :]
Forcing someone to stop doesn't work because they will always find a way to feed their addiction. Alcohol is no different to any kind of drug, it's addictive and causes dependancy as well as being dangerous.
I think the first step will be to have a talk with your bf (just you both alone together) and tell him how you feel about him drinking. If he says you're preaching remind him that the reason your mom and dad don't talk anymore is because of the exact thing you're trying to talk to him about. That alcohol split them up and you don't want it getting in the way of you and him and how you don't like who he is when he's drunk. All you really can do is try to get this through to him. Tell him how you're getting sick of it (if you really feel that way). You need to tell him how you feel about his drinking and more importantly WHY you feel that way about it, you need to make him understand you're not just preaching because alcohol is bad, you're telling him this because you don't like what he's becoming. It's important you do this on a one-on-one basis with him so you don't have others screaming at you about how your preaching and such (with just you and him it's just you and him - no one else there to get in the way).
As for your mom and your sister there's only so much you can do but as basketcase_x08 said, talking to your dad might be a very good idea. Explaining to him about what's going on might help and he may be willing to try and help you to get through to your mom and sister. Just remember though that sometimes one person against a few is unfair odds so you need to make things a little more equal. Talk to your bf on his own. Talk to your sister on her own as well if you can - explain to her how what your mom is doing to herself (and to you) is taking its toll and your getting sick of it. See what she has to say and more importantly see if you can get her to see things how you see them.
I wish you luck and I'm glad at least you have not taken up after your mom and sister. :]
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I'm sorry that this is happening, but there is nothing you can do except try to get them help. They're never going to stop on their own, so help them whether they like it or not. Don't even tell them, just get them help.
If it doesn't work out, then that's all you can do. They're not going to listen to you & you honestly cannot make them. =( I'm sorry.
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Hey don't feel down you can only do all that you to help them. If they don't want to go to help try to see if help can come to them. For your boyfriend tell him that he is either goin to have to stop or the relationship probably will not work. but if youve him all u can do is hope that he will top and until he does help him through it all. Do the same thing with ur mom and sister and see how that works but take small baby steps
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Youre certainly in a tough spot because dealing with alcholism in your family can be very stressful to yourself. Alcholism can run in the family (genetics) and makes it harder to control (your sister for example.)Yes, alcoholism is a disease. The craving that an alcoholic feels for alcohol can be as strong as the need for food or water. An alcoholic will continue to drink despite serious family, health, or legal problems. You are absolutely the smartest one for not touching it because it sounds like it runs in your family through your mom and if you were to start, chances are it would probablly be more difficult for you to stop than for most people. It definitely however, is hard to deal with when your family is suffering from this disease (and make no mistake, it IS A DISEASE) Its an addiction, just like any other drug and most people need help to stop or need to recognize that they have a problem in order to want to stop. The hardest thing though, is that alcoholics wont admit to being an alcoholic and will most likely become defensive when you bring it up to them (like when they say youre preaching) Really, you are right to be concerned for their health and safety because there are different levels of drinkers. SOcial drinkers who at social events may have one or two drinks. Then there are heavy drinkers that at social events or occassionally have more than two drinks and usually drink till their drunk. Then there are chronic drunks who drink excessively (like every day or other day) and then the ultimate alcoholic is when they start planning their days around drinking or trying to hide drinking or alcohol from their family and friends to make their problem appear less than it is. But, alcohol at these levels (chronic alcoholism) can be dangerous and jeapordize the health of your loved ones like damage to the liver, brain, and other organs. It can cause birth defects, increase the risk of death from car crashes and other injuries as well as the risk of homicide and suicide. Speaking from experience, my dad was a bit of an alcoholic and it made his emotions more intense and held him from dealing with them properly or effectively that it made him see there was no way out when there really was, he ended up taking his life. Now this is not to scare you, but it is to let you know that they do need help and they're not going to admit they have a problem right away, so despite them saying youre preaching, let them know its out of love for them and their health, they shouldn't be so selfish because you need them to be there for you and they can't do that when theyre drunk all the time. So, Asking your loved ones the following four questions can help you find out if your loved one has a drinking problem:
Have you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking?
Have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your drinking?
Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?
One "yes" answer suggests a possible alcohol problem. More than one "yes" answer means it is highly likely that a problem exists. If an alcoholic is unwilling to get help, what can you do about it?
This can be a challenge. An alcoholic can't be forced to get help except under certain circumstances. But you don't have to wait for someone to "hit rock bottom" to act. Many alcoholism treatment specialists suggest the following steps to help an alcoholic get treatment:
Stop all "cover ups." Family members often make excuses to others or try to protect the alcoholic from the results of his or her drinking. It is important to stop covering for the alcoholic so that he or she experiences the full consequences of drinking.
Time your intervention. The best time to talk to the drinker is shortly after an alcohol-related problem has occurred--like a serious family argument or an accident. Choose a time when he or she is sober, both of you are fairly calm, and you have a chance to talk in private.
Be specific. Tell the family member that you are worried about his or her drinking. Use examples of the ways in which the drinking has caused problems, including the most recent incident.
State the results. Explain to the drinker what you will do if he or she doesn't go for help--not to punish the drinker, but to protect yourself from his or her problems. What you say may range from refusing to go with the person to any social activity where alcohol will be served, to moving out of the house. Do not make any threats you are not prepared to carry out.
Get help. Gather information in advance about treatment options in your community. If the person is willing to get help, call immediately for an appointment with a treatment counselor. Offer to go with the family member on the first visit to a treatment program and/or an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
Call on a friend. If the family member still refuses to get help, ask a friend to talk with him or her using the steps just described. A friend who is a recovering alcoholic may be particularly persuasive, but any person who is caring and nonjudgmental may help. The intervention of more than one person, more than one time, is often necessary to coax an alcoholic to seek help.
Find strength in numbers. With the help of a health care professional, some families join with other relatives and friends to confront an alcoholic as a group. This approach should only be tried under the guidance of a health care professional who is experienced in this kind of group intervention.
Get support. It is important to remember that you are not alone. Support groups offered in most communities include Al-Anon, which holds regular meetings for spouses and other significant adults in an alcoholic's life, and Alateen, which is geared to children of alcoholics. These groups help family members understand that they are not responsible for an alcoholic's drinking and that they need to take steps to take care of themselves, regardless of whether the alcoholic family member chooses to get help.
You can call the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service (Center for Substance Abuse Treatment) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for information about treatment programs in your local community and to speak to someone about an alcohol problem. This information comes from the site medicine plus. There is lots of sites as well you can look up to help you with what you're going through. I wish you the best of luck, and just remember its not who they are, its who the alcohol is making them be. SO, just know that you are doing what any caring and loving daughter, sister, and girlfriend would do:) Dont cry anymore, and sometimes it helps to talk about it with a friend or someone close so you dont keep any emotions bottled up inside of you or take the pressure of their addiction on you. I wish you the best of luck and hope this helped:)
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First off I'd like to say that I'm proud of you for not being into drinking. I'm not either. I find it to be vile aswell.
I hate to tell you that there is not much you can do. You can continue to tell them that you don't like what they're doing. Talk to your dad about it since he seems to be agreeing with you on the subject. Maybe you can talk him into getting everyone else to accompany the two of you to a family psychiatrist. That is a good idea. see someone who's trained to bring families back and settle differences. Really work at getting there.
Until then, Keep a level head and hang around with people who stay sober. Talk to your boyfriend about this problem and explain your family situation with alcohol. and tell him that you wont tolerate being around him when he is drunk. I'm not saying break up with him. Just don't associate with him while he's been drinking. He'll get the message.
Good Luck
~webby
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