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about a girl situation
my best friend is middle eastren and she is muslim. she is really really cool and so open minded. she's nothing like how muslims are portrayed in the media. she goes out has fun but still respects her tradition and stuff and i respect that. recently she's been worried like crazy though. when i asked her she actually confided in me and told me whats the matter... i didn't know what to tell her so i was hoping you guys can help its very serious:
she fell in love with this muslim guy and they love each other soooo much and are planning to get married soon. in islam a girl has to be a virgin to get married and the "only solid proof" of that is if her hymen is still intact. she'as never had sex before so she IS a virgin. that we both know. however, she does masturbate... and she told me she looked it up and it is allowed in islam for her to do so if it meant not having sex before marriage. so far so good. the only problem is that she broke her hymen masturbating and culture/traditional wise no religion wise she will get in so much trouble for that. if she gets married and she doesn't bleed on her first night retributions will be bad (and i mean beyond european and north american bad... i ddnt even want to ask her about them)
now ignore all that. that was just background. my question is there anyway she can repair her hymen? or fake bleeding or something? can a gyno in the states or canada do it for her (she is there to finish college) is there anyyyyway possible to get her out of accusations she is inocent of?
please help she is really panicking... and she cant talk to her parents about it even if she showed them proof that religion does permit it.....it's her country's tradition.....
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There is reconstructive surgery available.
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the typical punishment for not being a virgin on your wedding night in islamic culture has been public immolation, stoning or murder by father/older brother. these sorts of things rarely happen in america, but frequently in the middle east. it's a crime against women, honestly.
now. we're in america. while it is highly unlikely, it is a scary idea. your friend needs to talk to her parents and what's gone on. at the very least, she could talk to her fiance to discuss faking bloodied sheets on their wedding night. whichever person is more accessable. have her research these punishments so she can grasp the situation and decide if it's even plausible.
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well since she cant tell her parents at all then take her to a gynecologist and tell him the problem and hell tell you where and how to get the surgery done and how much itll cost.Just calm her down more.And dont try to tell her to make up an excuse to her busband that she broke it in a certain way or eles he can go asking her family and thatll get her in deepshit!hope i helped
oh my god,i totally feel your freind because i myself am muslim.And by the way the way muslims are shown on tv is not the truth,the suicide bombing and stuff they do it because they have no other wepons or choice.The war lead them to this.Muslims are NOT terrorists at all if you watched 9/11 youd understand who was behind it,ANy way ill get to that later.Your freind either needs to TELL HER PARENTS or go have surgery to put in another hymen,these surgerys exist you no.If that muslim guy shes marrying finds out her hymen is broken trust me its all gonna be over.The guy will leave her because he will think she lost her virginity to a guy and muslim guys dont respect girls that arent virgins because they think if the gurl did it be4 she will do it again and who knows if shell cheat on me.I suggest your freind talks to her mother if theyre close and tells her so she can get surgery before its too late man.Or is shes not close with them then she can go with a trusted person and get that surgery done!But i really suggest she tells her mom so someone can be by her side and calm her down,i would be freakin the hell out man.Im tellin you again this is mad serious make sure she gets the surgery.Hope it goes well.
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Okay, here are the facts about hymens:
Some girls are actually born without a hymen, and those that are born with a hymen - it is usually broken by physical activity other then sex, such as gymnastics, horse riding, etc. it is actually quite rare for a girls hymen to be fully intact when she has her first sexual intercourse. As well as this it is possible to have sex for the first time and not bleed. All girls are different, and it is difficult to use science against any type of religion I know but it is fact! Any doctor or proffessional would say the same - and it would be obsurd to say masturbation is permitted if torn hymens were not.
You need to pass this information onto your friend - if you look at any website on hymens it will tell you the same information - most hymens are very VERY thin membranes that tear early in childhood, there is no true way to tell if any girl is a virgin, unless she has a thick hymen (which is rare) and if she is a virgin - her word should be proof enough.
I hope in the future religions will update themselves with scientific fact - as it is a great shame your friend has to suffer this anxiety when she has done nothing wrong!
Good luck & I wish your friend all the best in her marriage!
:)
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Well, it's possible that she only tore her hymen a little bit. It may tear more and bleed more when she has full, penetrating intercourse. She can try to plan her wedding for when she'll be on her period anyway. She can also 'fake' it by pulling on a hangnail or using a push pin to poke a finger or toe and making sure blood gets on the sheets if she can do that without being caught. I wouldn't normally advise anyone to be deceitful, but there is the matter of the serious consequences involved.
Best wishes to all of you.
Sabine
Since you asked for further advice, I guess what I would do is prick myself and bleed on a handkerchief. Then I'd put that hanky under my pillow on my wedding night and then pull it out from under and use it to wipe myself after sex. I might leave it lying around for a few minutes so my husband could see. Of course, honesty is the best policy, but when it's a matter of life and death, I think the crime of deception is easier to deal with. It's a hard situation to handle.
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I've heard of girls having surgery to "repair" their hymen.. but I can imagine it's painful. She should talk to her gynecologisht though- there may be something they can do. Plus, her hymen may not be broken after all, and she could be worrying about nothing.
How open-minded is her boyfriend/fiance/whateverhe's called? Does he know that she may have broken her hymen through other activities, or simply falling down? Your friend should have this conversation with him. I don't know much about their culture, I'll admit. But he doesn't HAVE to tell anyone that she didn't bleed on her wedding night, right?
I hope everything works out! =]
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