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I dont know what to do!
I really need as much answers as possible.
To start off, I'm 16 Female and I have HIV. It got transmitted to me from my mom at birth, so it wasnt my fault what so ever!! So I've been dating this guy for a while now and I told him i have this HUGE secret, which i will tell him when im ready and in the beginning of our relationship, I tested the waters to see How he would handle the HIV situation. So I asked him, "what would you do if I had HIV?" and He replied "I'd still love you, and i would still have sex with you." So, I was SO relieved to hear that, I was happy that he would accept me and we'd still have a relationship without worry! And that was about 2 months ago!! Then last night I asked him Again what he'd do, and he replied "well, if we were getting married then yeah I would have sex with you, but if we werent getting married, then no i wouldnt have sex with you " SO i was SO upset! and said how low that was, because his answer was completetly different before, and i also told him that
"if he wouldnt accept me if i had HIV then he wouldnt accept my "secret" " because IT IS my Secret! but he doesnt know what my secret is. so then he said "well if it was some girl i didnt know and didnt love then no i wouldnt have sex with her but if it was you then I would." so I DONT KNOW WHAT I DO! should I tell him now and get it over with??!! Tell me answers!! HELP! and please dont say that i shouldnt have sex!! BECAUSE I DONT NEED THAT ANSWER!! I've made up my mind that i do want to have sex with him.
I really hope this makes sense!
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HIV is not something you can get rid of as you know. Your 16, and already planning on having sex with your boyfriend. You need to let him know that you have it, if you do decide to have sex, which I suggest not to, because your endangering him in getting HIV. He doesnt seem to think HIV is a big deal, but it is. Figure out what you two can do if you do decide to have sex, to make sure he's protected. Your 16, theirs no rush to having sex. And, just because he's protected doesnt mean taht there isnt a chance he can get it.
-Brina
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Ok. So you have made up your mind that you really want to have sex with him. Now you need to give him the same respect to decide if he really wants to have sex with you.
Sure, it isn't your fault that you have HIV, but the fact still remains that you do have HIV, that can be passed on with a simple break of a condom. It is something you need to allow him to think long and hard about.
Your best bet in this life is to not beat around the bush about it. You surely already know that he, or any other serious guy in your life has the right to know.
And you need to respect their decisions on weather or not they are willing to have sex with you, because you know that having sex is a risk of passing it on. Meaning, if they realize the risk and don't want to chance it, don't be all hurt and mad.
I know you were sadly given a hard row to hoe from the beginning of your life, but you have to come to terms with the fact that a lot of guys will likely turn you away. It is sad, but it is true.
You are better off knowing how they will react and their feelings on it from the get-go rather than getting seriously involved and getting your heart broken.
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you really need to tell him. its not fair that you arent. i would make sure that you tell him that it was transmitted to you at birth.. just so he knows that you didnt just get it from having sex with some other guy.
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if y'all are planning to have sex, it is your responsibility to tell him. obviously, you would have to tell whoever you get married to, but since he is only your boyfriend for now there is no immediate reason to tell him. however, he has a right to know, if he is going to be sexually involved with you. so ultimately, it is your decision whether or not to tell him, but since you do want to have sex with him, you definitely need to tell him. you may not get the desired response, but it's better to tell beforehand than after the fact. i would tell him. the easiest way to do that would probably just be to say, "look, i'm sorry, but my mother transmitted HIV to me at birth." that will be easier for him to understand than dodging the point.
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Honestly, if you told him you have a big secret, asked him twice about what he'd do if you had HIV, and said that if he wouldnt accept your HIV he wouldnt accept your secret, he probably has strong suspicions.
The truth is that it CAN be transmitted to him if you have sex.. it's a risk and I don't blame him for being hesitant.
Like the person below me said, you really won't be able to get a legitimate reaction until he actually knows, and isnt just talking hypothetically. It's like when you see the stories on the news about people, for example, whose house has burned down, and you think "Wow, that sucks". But you really have no idea how you'd actually feel, as hard as you try, until it ACTUALLY happens.
You're going to have to tell him eventually.. Good luck, hope it all works out =]
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ok 'thew' is being a bitch becauses its nottt your fault you have the diease its your mothers fault. and you shouldnt have to be stuck with the consinquences of her bad decsions. but i think you should tell him. bc i dont think he would mind if he truely did love you. and wear a condom ;-] hahah good luck with your situation and if you ever need more advice with anyhting inbox me.
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Honesty should always be the best policy. This talk should have happened a while ago. Before even considering sex, shouldn't you ask one another if there are any stds on the plate? i understand why you were apprehensive at first. if you tell the guy you may loose him. Although, if he doesn't mind, he will have wondered why you waited so long to tell him this important information. He may even be hurt you didn't come forward in the beginning. HIV doesn't make you any different from who you are, and if he doesn't support you for who you are, than he doesn't deserve you. In the future i sugjest you be more honest with one another. He sounds like a nice guy that will understand your reasons for keeping this quiet for as long as you did, and I don't think he will love you any less. best of luck :)
Tianna Audra
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Heyy. This is a tough situation. I think that you should tell him your secret, if you feel that you're ready to. Since you know that you want to have sex with him, I think that before you even do, you HAVE to tell him this. I really can see how you can get upset when your boyfriend says he wouldn't have sex with you unless you get married if you had HIV. But think about all of the risks involves. He DOES have a chance with getting stuck with your disease, too. If you love him, I know that you woudln't want to give your boyfriend and illness. (I didn't mean to make that sound mean.) But really, I'm sure that him saying isn't the fact that he wouldn't accept you. I think it's just that he's scared to take such a big risk. He even said that he would love you still, even if you had HIV. It's just the chance of him getting it, too. It's a tough situation, but I think that your best bet is to tell your boyfriend your secret, when you feel it necessary. See how he reacts. He he reacts surprised, that should be normal. If he avoids you, then he's definately not worth your time. After you tell him, you can discuss with him the topic of you guys having sex. I'm not saying that you should/should not have sex, I'm just letter you know what he's probably thinking if you really had HIV. It's up to you guys, and I hope that you guys make a good decision. Good luck. <3
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tell him now at the beginning of the relationship that way if he is shallow and doesn't want to be with you after knowing that you have HIV then you won't be totally emotionally attached as opposed to telling him after you've been going out for a year and you're head over heels in love with him. sex isn't everything though. even if he did say he'd still have sex with you, you were asking the question hypathetically and his feelings may change once he knows the truth. im sorry if he's shallow and can't accept you as is and if he does then you have a really good guy and should hold on to him. and as always remember to use a condom during sex
modelkate11
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Wow, this is difficult. Okay, first off I think you need to come completely honest with your boyfriend. He obviously deserves to know "your secret". Let him know that you have an HIV that was passed down from your mother and that you had no control over it whatsoever. Let him know how much he means to you, and talk about it with him. The talk could last an hour, it could last all night, it could last a week! But you need to get everything out in the open. Let him know that you're scared he won't have sex/love you anymore if he knows you have HIV. But I'm sure if he really loves you he'll stick it out and see a way around the situation. Who knows, you two may even end up married.
If he bails out on you then, who needs him right!? Why would you want to be with a guy who can't accept you and all the little quirks that come along with you? I'm sure your guy will make the right choice in the end.
You just really need to talk it out with him. Let him now. Face to face, not on the phone, myspace or at school around all of your friends.
Maybe you should have the talk this weekend together.
I wish you luck, and I hope everything works out for the best!!!
-Katie
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I think you are going to have to tell guys this information right up front. Unfortunately it is going to scare a lot of them off. However, if you
wait you will be hurt more by their rejection, should that happen.
If you keep bringing it up as a hypothetical question, you are going to get "nice" reactions.
Once someone knows they are dealing with the real thing, they will naturally back off.
HIV is a very serious thing, as you know. It may not be a bad idea to discuss this situation with your doctor. The "how do I tell guys" thing. He/she may have dealt with the situation with other people, and can give you some helpful tips.
Here is a website that has a LOT of information
on how to tell others you have HIV. I think it
may have something to help you with this too. :)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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