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Should I give a relationship a chance?
(Before I start I'm 18 and a freshman in college.) I was in a exclusive relationship about 8 months ago. It ended badly and I ended up getting hurt. My boyfriend of 1 year cheated on me, more than once. Anyways ever since then, I'v only had casual relationships, not sex I just wouldn't exclusively date one guy at a time. I met this one guy in class, after we were assigned in pairs for a project. And I started to like him. A lot. And I knew he liked me too, because he was flirting with me and walking me to classes ect. I was taking a walk outside when it was raining (Don't ask me why I just like the rain)and he came up to me when I was sitting on the bench. He said he saw me and wanted to know what I was doing sitting on a campus bench in a rainstorm. By that time it was raining really hard.(Before I go any farther he asked me out twice by then, but he was a boyfriend kind of guy and didn't do casual anymore, so I turned him down) I said I was just going for a walk, and he sat down beside me. We talked for a while in the pouring rain, and then he leaned over and kissed me. It turned into a pretty heavy make out session and I started thinking 'what the hell am I doing, I can't be his girlfriend I'm not gonna put myself in the position to be hurt again'. Anyways I pushed him away away and when he was about to say something I spoke before him. I said "I'm sorry, but this was a mistake, I can't do exclusive realationships, you know that" (Those were my exact words) Even though I really liked him I didn't want to get hurt again. I stood up ready to walk away when he caught my wrist, he said "You can't or you won't, why can't you give a relationship a fighting chance. I really like you, a lot more than you know and I know you feel the same. You and I both know It wasn't a mistake" and then I said "Thats where your wrong" and I walked off. He called my name but didn't try to stop me again. I'v been avoiding him for the last few days, and he's called my cell phone a million times. I don't know what to do, I really really like him. He's sweet, funny, gorgeous, caring, honest (I could go on but I'll spare you)I know he's not my ex but I'm just scared. Scared of what I feel for him and scared I'll get hurt again. When we were kissing everything felt so right. I felt safe and loved and not lost anymore. He's offering me a real relationship, a healthy realtionship. But should I take the chance? What should I do? Is the ball in my court?
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Yes, yes, yes. Take the chance! What he told you is exactly right. You're letting your heart tell you what to do when you should be using your head. Be smart about this. Trying it out with him makes so much sense doesn't it? If he is everything you say he is, he definitely deserves a chance. You're going to have to start dating again sometime, why not start with a guy that's as amazing as him? You're all the wiser about things now that your previous relationship ended so badly. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be. I know you were really hurt by your ex, but (not being mean here) so what! People get hurt in relationships. If you can't get over that, you're going to end up really lonely in the future. Every single relationship puts you in a position to be hurt. Are you planning on being single for the rest of your life? If you are, way to go, you're well on your way. Don't think that one day, out of the blue, you'll be ready to date again. You won't. Make the day today. Why not? It'll be just the same if you wait longer. You're going to have to take a few risks at some point. Now is a wonderful time. This guy is very low risk. You may get hurt again, but you'll get over it. Feelings will mend, you know that, but time won't wait for you. It can hurt BAD for a long time sometimes, however, if you just end with that bad experience, it will take you much, much longer to get over it. It will be all you think about and you won't be able to move on. You'll miss out on so many great opportunities. You'll get too comfortable always playing it safe and soon you'll be out of college, have a job, turn 40, and you still won't have started dating again. Get out, find someone else and your feelings will be whole again in much less time. Not to mention, you won't have missed your chance with someone amazing. It took me....about a year to forgive a guy for what he did to me once and that was while I was in a relationship with someone else. Now, I'm actually very good friends with him. It was a little awkward still having feelings for that guy when I was with someone else, but that's life and I got through it. I knew it was something I had to do to get where I wanted to be in the future. So be patient. Think towards the future instead of the past. The best advice I can give you is to not let your feelings run your mind. Feelings will come and they will go. If you lose your chance with this guy you're going to look back to that moment when you ran away from him and you're going to wonder what the hell you were thinking. Fact is, you weren't thinking. You were just feeling. Now (college) is the time where you could meet the man you will marry someday. You're 18 years old. Soon you'll be 20. A lot of people are engaged by their early 20's. High school relationships, well they're practically meaningless. All you can get out of them is experience with the dating world. What to say, how to do things, etc. Very few of them work out and the people in them aren't emotionally mature enough to fully understand what's even going on. They feel instead of think. So, basically, they have all these feelings, but have no idea what they are or how to deal with them. That's actually a scientific fact. Now, though, you're an adult and your mind is mature enough for for adult relationships. You may even have been ready for that with your ex, but he wasn't. The guy you're talking about now definitely is. He's not looking for a relationship, he's looking for you. Adult relationships are very different from teen relationships. You won't feel as much hurt if they don't work out. Breakups will be more mutual and understanding. You're much less likely to be randomly cheated on. Especially with this guy. He really loves you. Whether he's said it or not yet, he does. You can't ask for more than that. If he was the type of person that would purposely hurt you, he would not be so patient with you. He wouldn't want to be with you so badly. This guy is your lucky break. If he hasn't given up on you yet for someone else that's saying something. The next time he calls listen to what he has to say. Try it out with him. Talk with him about everything you are feeling. He will listen and he will help you through it. He's that type of guy, which is exactly what you need right now. Don't let your feelings screw this up for you. He's there right now. He may not be there tomorrow, or again, ever, for the rest of your life. So basically, either date him now or give up on relationships altogether because he is perfect for you at this point in your life. Good luck. <3
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Okay... Let's talk about your ex-boyfriend for a minute...
When you discovered that he had been unfaithful... How did you feel? Did you feel unattractive? Perhaps incapable of satisfying his sexual desires? Or incapable of satisfying him in some other way? Mentally? Emotionally? Did you blame yourself for his actions?
Think before you answer. Because... I don't think your problem is that you mistrust the opposite sex. I think your problem is that you are feeling insecure. You all ready stated that you know this man is not your ex-boyfriend... Implying that you understand the concept than not all men are prone to be unfaithful. Yet you're still afraid.
I think you are afraid because you suspect... That you are flawed. So flawed that you do not deserve to have the relationship that you desire. You suspect that if you allow yourself to become attached to another man he will inevitably betray you just as your ex-boyfriend did... Because you are deficient in some way.
I don't even know you and I can tell you with certainty that you DO deserve the relationship you desire... And also that you are NOT deficient. If your ex-boyfriend had sex with other women it wasn't your fault. After befriending several chronic cheaters I've learned that most of the time when people are unfaithful... They are unfaithful because of their OWN emotional/ mental issues that negatively impact their ability to form healthy, lasting romatic attachments. So... Trust me. It wasn't you, it was definitely him.
Now that I've made my arguement about whether or not you are capable of forming a relationship... I'd like to share a lesson with you that I have learned...
You can't have a healthy relationship until YOU are healthy.
So... Before you even consider dating the new man... You need to put your insecurity to rest. I know... Not an easy task. But you can do it. Start by accepting yourself as you are. Imperfections and all. Once you've accepted yourself you'll find it easier to discover the qualities that you like about yourself... And the more qualities that you discover you like... The easier it will be to love yourself. Because you have to love yourself before you can accept the love of another.
Once you love yourself... Then you are ready for a relationship.
I can tell you really like this man. And... You also recognize that he is relationship material. I think you want to try dating him... But maybe you should wait.
Waiting to date is not the same as waiting to talk to him. I think you should talk to him. And soon. What do you say? Be honest. "I really like you and I want to date you... But I haven't recovered from my last relationship and I don't think I'm ready to date yet." And maybe... "I would like to be your friend and get to know you better."
Getting to know a potential boyfriend should always be your goal... Not to jump into a relationship. (Whether or not you think he's the type of guy that dates for fun or views dating as something more serious.) Only when you spend time with someone and discuss the issues that matter to you can you discover whether you are compatible or not. Discover whether or not you're compatible and the decision about whether or not to pursue something a little more serious will be easier.
So... Bottom line: look in the mirror and say, "I love you." And mean it. Be honest and open with the new man. And relax... Get to know him before you start thinking about the "r" word.
Because... If he's worth the wait, he'll wait for you.
Okay... I'm rambling now. Shutting up. Many blessings. ;)
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its normal to be afraid but you should give him a chance because if your desciption was wright he will not cheat on you but if he does then there are more boys dont think about it much becausethey are trin to ruin your self-estem
and trin to mess your life up
dont sweat it because their loss
good luck
tatianna
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I know you are scared and hurt from your past relationship...but this guy sounds absolutely fantastic! Give him a chance definately..take things slow..he wil understand..but dont shut a wonderful guy like him out. The ball is definately in your court..you go girrrl! he sounds wonderful. You will regret it if you dont give him a chance..dont let a scum like your ex ruin every opportunity for you.Take things slow..and let this new relationship blossom and grow :)
-melissa-
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The ball's in your court. If I were you, I would give him a chance..we both know you really want to;) ...just the risk of getting hurt again is preventing you, right? Well, what if this opportunity passes by and you regret it later? This could be the next step towards recovering from your past relationship..if you don't take THIS chance with this guy that you really like...then when will you? Just do it..infact, get offline and call him right now:)
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YES go for it give it a chance be brave u might end up marring him and i said might hes nt your ex and he offered you a relationship so take it well you can before he said you had your chance if u need anything else feel free to contact me
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I should call you cinderella, because this seems like such a fairytale. This guy, as you have described him, sounds amazing, and REALLY likes you. And you sound like you REALLY like him.
Even though you had a bad relationship in the past, you cannot let that scar you. The longer you hide from love, the more your letting the pain set in and the harder its going to be for you when you do find Mr. Right. And this guy might just be him. Theres only one thing to do. Go for it. Take a chance, and take a leap for love. When things just click and feel right, it usually is right. Not all guys are the jerk your old boyfriend was. Dont let this guy hold you back when you've found love thats meant to be.
I know your hurt, and scared, but you need to accept love now. The only way to get past this is do jump right in. And you know what? If this doesnt work out, you'll still be better off than before. You'll be stronger, more experienced, and you'll know you can move on.
So stop worrying and call this guy. Dont waste any time. Tell him exactly whats in your heart, and that you TRULY want to be with him.
I'll be blunt if your still not assured.
Believe in yourself. Believe in him. Believe in love. Take the jump and enjoy the rewards.
Good Luck and Good Love,
-Abby
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