Question Posted Thursday January 25 2007, 11:03 am
My friends really make me mad! They say that if I bring my boyfriend to the dance that there not going to go. Thing is, I really like him a lot and we have been dating for like 4 months now. Should I let what they say affect my decision or not. Im so confused and I feel like crying!! Nothing even happened between them. They just do not like him. I asked them why and they said they dont know why but they just dont like him.
MelLeDisko answered Thursday January 25 2007, 3:22 pm: Well right now you're "friends" are not being very good friends at all. They should just be happy for you. You found a guy that makes you smile and makes you happy, and they should be glad you have someone in your life like that ( that may be a reason actually they're acting this way - sometimes girls get jealous when their friends have boyfriends and they don't ).
I would sit down and talk with them. And once more, ask them what it is exactly they don't like about him. Whenever they answer they don't know, then just be like "Exactly. Why not give him a chance, then? See him and talk with him and get to know him. If you still don't like him, at least this time you'd have some sort of reason after getting to know him. But really guys, why aren't you happy for me? He makes me happy, isn't that all that should matter? Don't let his and mine relationship get in the way of you guys going to the dance."
If they were really good friends, they'd at least give him a chance and get to know him better and see that he really isn't a bad guy at all.
And even if you guys all do go to the dance, they don't all have to talk to eachother or anything. They can enjoy themselves and have fun with you seperately. You just might have to split a little time between your friends and boyfriend. This also is true with real life. It's not like they have to talk or hang out together. You can make time for the both of them. Maybe have Saturday your "hang out with friends" day, and Friday your "boyfriend day" or whatever works best with them and you. But it really shouldn't have to be that way, but if that's the only solution that's left, you might as well take it cause you shouldn't have to choose between them or anything.
But like I said, confront them and see what happens and see if they're really gonna be willing to give him another shot. If they were good friends, they would. And they'd already be happy for you.
drama_queen_101 answered Thursday January 25 2007, 2:52 pm: well you might need to have a sit down with your freinds and your boyfreind. ask them what the heel there deal is? what did he ever do to you guys? why punish you for something stupid that they have a problem with, its YOUR descision to date WHOMEVER you want, there your FREINDS there suppossed to comfort and be there for you, but it seems as though they are doing the EXACT OPPOSITE. they arent acting like true freinds. if they really are your freinds then they will listen to you and try and work things out. [ drama_queen_101's advice column | Ask drama_queen_101 A Question ]
angie91 answered Thursday January 25 2007, 1:37 pm: Well hopefully I can give some insight. I am going through what your friends are going through right now. I have this friend who has a new boyfriend, and we all seem to pick out reasons to hate him. I actually have reasons not to like him, (long story) but my other friends just dont like him because it's something to talk about. For a couple of weeks, we spent every conversation talking about the two of them. And we still do. And you know my friend probably did everything in her power to get us to like him, but first impressions are super hard to break. I think what you should do, is weigh the options, and figure out which is more important to you. I think the main reason your friends don't like him is that he is stealing you from them. So I think taht unless this dance is the most important night of the year for you and _____ then you should ask him if he would be okay either not going or to hang with his friends there. Tell him that its nothing against him, but you need to be with your friends. And this is a MAJOR detail. NEVER talk about your friends to ______! Good or bad. it's just not a good idea, if you need to let off steam write in a diary, but do not talk about your friends. That made me the angriest. When I'd tell my bff something and I'd turn around and her bf was pissed off and yelling at me. That was the worst. And if you go through problems with _____ don't talk about him either. That will just make things worse, because your friends will talk about him, and then they'll hate him more, because they get the adrenilin rush from talking about him.
Make sure that you make at least as much time for all of your friends as your bf. And for the first little while, if it means ditching ______ do it, if your friends know that you'll always be there for him, then they'll be less hesitant to let you go with him. Make sure you keep working on the relationship with your bf, but also with your bffs! I know you're mad at your friends, but they mean well, they are doing all of this to protect you. They love you and wish you were able to be with them all of the time. So why are you mad at them? Well they dont like mr. right. well why should they? he's just some guy you're ditching them for. Of course thats not how you feel, but thats how they feel. They have absoulutly no reason to like him.So you have to find a creative way to show them that he means something to you. But that may not be a good idea untill you are in great terms with your friends.
Honestly, it seems like what I'm saying is stupid, and that by giving in to their demands that your just compromising your relationship with _____ but to be honest, who have you known longer? Who have you spents friday nights with, or stayed up super late talking to about that guy you saw in the hall? Those are your friends, and you need to keep them at your side. Boys will come and go, but your friends are forever.
I said that to my bff, and she said that wasnt the case this time, and I cried. So my point is, he's more than "just a guy" to you, but to them he isnt, and it is extremely important that you pretend that thats how you feel too. He is just your boyfriend, and to be honest, you're in highschool (right?), it'd be pretty rare that you will still be dating him in the next months or years. But if you continue this relationship with your friends, it may last forever.
So right now, think about whether you are willing to give up all of your friends for one guy (because all of them will leave if you choose that option, because then you're the girl who chose a guy she dated for four months over her bffs)and if you want to do that, then go ahead, do it now, no point in delaying. But if you think that your friends are more important than one dance, then apologize to ______ and make a date for the next day.
Just know that there are two roads, and you have to pick one, the one with the boyfriend as the side dish (for now) or the one with no friends.
I know that I seemed pretty harsh, and I'm sorry if I said anything that may have hurt your feelings, but you are going to incounter this problem again and again until you show your friends that you are "sorry" for acting "stupid" and that they mean more to you. And maybe_____ will get upset and decide to take a break or something, but hopefully, that wont happen. Just tell him that he's really important to you, and be honest. Everything should turn out okay. And I really hope that it does. I know that this is a really tough situation because I'm stuck in the same place, but I also know that if my friend had actually told me that I was more improtant (even if it wasnt true) I would have felt better, and I would probably resent her bf less. So please keep all of the things that I have said in mind, even if you do not take my advice. Good luck with all of your relationships, and feel free to ask me anything again. I really hope it works out for you. Lots of love,
Angie91 [ angie91's advice column | Ask angie91 A Question ]
bernie_gabrielle answered Thursday January 25 2007, 1:10 pm: My friends and sister are like that too with one of my friends (who there's a little something more with). If he's worth it, stay with him. If he's not an amazing boyfriend who loves you and would do anything in the world for you, it's not worth the gried that your friends give you. [ bernie_gabrielle's advice column | Ask bernie_gabrielle A Question ]
sml111992 answered Thursday January 25 2007, 1:00 pm: well sometimes friends have a feel if you know what I mean that someone is just not rite and well they probally have a feel of that and thats why they dont like him. I understand that Ive done that many times. They probally dont like him because they think hes going to hurt you or they think your spending to much time with him and just want you to be with them and thats one way of showing it is by going to the dance with them but if you bring your boyfriend they know your not going to pay attention to them at all so just tell your boyfriend that you want to go to the dance with your friends instead hell understand! tell him that you need to spend time with the girls! [ sml111992's advice column | Ask sml111992 A Question ]
singtomebaby answered Thursday January 25 2007, 11:58 am: I was in this same situation with my last bf. It's really tough but you just have to decide who you would want to hang out with more. In my situation it's either you're friends don't like him:
A. because there jealous that you HAVE a boyfriend
B. because he's wierd
C. because you've changed since you started going out with him
D. because you're spending more time with him then them.
E. Everytime you two are together around your friends, they feel left out.
go through all those in youre head and be honest with yourself. I'd say don't let them influence your decision if it is A or B. Try harder to hang out with your friends if its D or E. If it's C, then consider how you've changed, and consider your relationship.
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