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huge fight
My best friend and I had the biggest fight we've ever had. She has a new boyfriend. I don't like him. So she's mad at me for "spoiling her happiness". Should I apologize to her, or wait for her to apologize???
I love her a lot. way more than is normal. I tend to get really attached. Help?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
(Hi. I have edited my answer in the end, so I hope you don't mind.)
Spoiling anyone's happiness is initially a bad idea. Maybe you don't see why your friend likes this guy, but you will not understand it unless you'll look at him from her perspective, which may be not quite easy for you. Still, I don't think that jealousy is worth losing your best friend. You both might do a little apologizing, and it wouldn't kill you to start first. It's really silly to think that you are losing something, if you're the one who throws out the white flag. You will win if you'll make up with your friend, and make her understand that you respect her choices.
If you tend to get attached to people, maybe you should spend a little time alone, so you could become more familiar with the cause of your feelings towards other people. It could be useful to start realizing the difference between your desires and needs. You can't create a successful life, if it is based on weaknesses and attachment. It's a good thing that you have people to love, but don't forget that some of them may want to get more space to go on with their lives. If you want to make your own decisions, and do what your heart tells you to do, it is better to live a life of freedom and independency. You would hardly like to experience how it feels when someone's feelings and emotions always depend on you. So, if you care for your friend, let her be. I'm pretty sure that some day you might need her to do the same thing for you.
In your feedback you replied:
"I'm sorry, but I did make up with her, but SHE apologized first. I didn't really do ANYTHING worthy of her being such a bitch about it, and she understood that. Thanks for the advice, but its too late really. Also, I KNOW why I get attached. I love people very easily. I have the hugest capability to love, and the more people I have to love, the more there is to go around. Thanks for your advice, but I'm independent without being alone. I'm independent because I know that I have people who support me NO MATTER WHAT."
I am glad that you worked it out with your friend, although, you didn't mention that *she* acted like a bitch, and that it was a cause of a fight (lol). Anyway, I don't really know what is happening between two of you right now, but I hope her new boyfriend won't make you to go into the fights with each other. Just try to be more patient when it comes to him, especially since you know now how she may react if you'll tell her that you're still not happy about their relationship. But I wouldn't worry about that too much, since school boyfriends come and go, but real friendship usually lasts even after the school is over.
Oh, by the way, when I said that it is better to live a life freely and independently, I didn't meant without love; I meant without attachment. Like, when you feel gratitude for someone being a part of your life, but not a need, because feelings of need and gratitude are of a different vibration, and make totally different things occur in your life. Gratitude is an asking for more, and need is fear that you're going to lose it. That's why I think that it is more important to focus on the good that you have, than waste your energy on the fights that would eventually lead to another apology.
Well, that's pretty much all I wanted to say. Hope you and your friend will be getting along well.
Regards,
Lyssa.
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Apologize, definitley... You don't want to lose her, you'll regret it.
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You should tell her that (that you love her, that is). Say that you're sorry, and that you'll try to like him and accept him as her bf. Are you mad that she's ditching you for him? If so, that's normal. Just tell her that you want to spend more time together and plan a night to hang out.
As for the getting really attached part, start hanging out with other people when she's busy to develope more friendships.
good luck! :)
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okay, well first of all, if your friend's picking her boyfriend over you, that's not a neccessarily good thing. but, if you just don't like him, then you have to let it go. you might grow to like him once you get to know him better, or once you realize how much he means to your friend. you shouldn't have to apologize, and neither should she. if you two are really best friends, you will just understand each other. she knows that you don't like him, and it's her choice what to do about that. if she chooses to break up with him, that's great. if not, that's okay, too. she's still your best friend, people just change. but when she's around you she'll always be that person you became attached to :).
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Apologize. There's no shame in being the bigger person. By apologizing you can hopefully put this fight behind you. It seems like you really value this friendship, so why waste time being mad? Sense this boy makes your friend happy, try giving him a shot. There must be somethinggg good about him. But if you know something really messed up about this guy, let your friend know & warn her. As a good friend it's your duty to protect her and that means giving her all the info (even if she'll dislike what she finds out). Let her know that you still want to hang out as much as possible! Just because she has a boyfriend now doesn't mean she'll abandon her best friend, so don't worry!
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Apologize. You may be a tad jealous.. yano? I've been there. Boyfriends have a tendancy to take away friends. Because, well if you've ever had one..then you know how it is. There constantly on your mind, & your so happy someone likes you back. & blah blah blah.. so then when someone goes & tells you that you dont think hes chill. then you know the person is gonna immeditaley flip. just tell her [over the phone or in person is better] that you just feel so bad, that you guys dont hang out alot [if you dont or whatevv] or whatever the promblem is. just tell her your sorry, & you just miss talking to her as much.
If shes a really good friend, she'll forgive you & you guys will hang out & all (:
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just appologize and ask her if you two can hang out a little more b/c you feel left out b/c of her boyfriend.
-Jess
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