Question Posted Saturday December 16 2006, 7:22 pm
I'm a 14/f and I dont have a best friend. I mean I have friends.... but they're not that close. Like a lot of people I know, are going to the mall with their best friends, and since i dont have a best friend, i'd only have a chance to go to the mall with my mom... ughh and I soo totally dont want to do that.
Well, my point is that in school, we have about 20 minutes before school to do anything we want. And well I am hanging out with my "friends" and they don't really include me... so if they're having a conversation, and I ask a question, they wont answer me and just ignore me. I always feel so alone. I know you might say "just have you're family be your best friends" but I REALLY dont want to have my family be my best friends. I want someone that's my age, and who I can have sleepovers with, and go to the mall with, and just hang out with... but none of my friends don't like me that much. It's like this world doesn't even know I exist.
So my question is How can I stand out to people and try to make friends? Is there any tricks to making a best friend? What should I do about these so called "friends"? Keep talking to them? Ignore them?
I mean, if I start talking to them, they'll just change their mood into like an annoying mood. Suuuure they'll talk to me, but its about something really stupid like "what was the homework assignment for monday?"
Sometimes, if one of my friends, doesn't have anyone to talk to at the time, they'll come to me and start talking to me, but it's not the talking you think it is... its probably more like bragging. Like one of them likes to dance, and if she doesn't have anybody to talk to, she'll come up to me and say "oh my gosh, I can't remember my tap dance sequence... Oh yeah it goes ____" and then she'll like dance infront of me, and like show off.
I don't know what's wrong with me, it's like i'm a back-up friend to everybody... I feel so alone and my subject said "what happens to a lonely person in life?" well... what happens? Will I turn out to be some person who doesn't have a purpose in life?
How can I fix this? I'm SOOOO CONFUSED!!!!!!!!
HELP ME!
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship? JackiexMarie answered Thursday December 28 2006, 8:40 pm: Oh my gosh! I laughed at your question not because it was funny but because for a second your situation sounded so much like mine that I thought for a second it was an old question I had asked before, but then I looked at the date!! Nooo, you will have a purpose in life. I still don't have a best friend, and i've come to realize when you meet a true friend, you will know, and this happens usually later in life. Ha, when I told my family about my sitution like this, they were like, "don't worry, your family will always be your best friends all through out life." Woah I almost started laughing when my dad said that! Oh yeah by the way my e-mail address is jackiexmarie@gmail.com [ JackiexMarie's advice column | Ask JackiexMarie A Question ]
mariahwannabe answered Tuesday December 19 2006, 12:24 pm: It's time.Time to make some new mates.There must be someone you say hi to but never got the chance.Well here is your chance.Your friends...are sick of you and need a break.i hate to be harsh but someone needs to do it.Sorry.Anyways, so ask thatgirl/boy if you'd like to catch up or go shopping or something. [ mariahwannabe's advice column | Ask mariahwannabe A Question ]
christina answered Sunday December 17 2006, 12:49 am: I'd leave them behind. If they don't talk to you like friends should [telling secrets, letting you know what's going on, answering your questions], then they're not really your friends & you shouldn't be hanging out with them.
If there's someone else you wanna be friends with, just say hi to them & get to know them. It's not hard to get a best friend & there's no tricks to it. It just takes time.
Best friends don't become that way automatically. It took me and my best friend about a month to get super close. :] But, just start talking to people more, and find the things you have in common. When you feel like you're getting closer & whatever, then you know you've found a best friend.
Best friends are usually inseperable. Everyone at my school knows me & my best friend as the girls who are never apart. :]
pootietang answered Sunday December 17 2006, 12:38 am: You should leave those friends behind. I used to be exactly like you and it wasn't very fun. =(
There are some things you need to remember. First of all, I'm guessing that there are maybe 5,000 kids in your school or less. Worldwide, there are 6 billion, so if I'm calculating this correctly, there are over 5 billion people you don't know yet. You need to keep in mind that high school is NOT everything and there are other people outside of your school. In four years, no one will keep in touch except the true friends, which are few.
Secondly, join clubs and try to get to know foreign exchange students or new students. That way you both will be lonely and will rely on eachother.
Thirdly, don't forget that the number of friends doesn't matter. It's how close you are with your friends. Don't feel discouraged if you only have a few friends. Most people have tons of fake friends. But they mean absolutely nothing. The person below me explained it well. =]
Think outside of your school. Do you go to church or any religious place? Meet people there. What about in your neighborhood? Are there any community activities going on, like a food drive?
winteromancex answered Sunday December 17 2006, 12:30 am: The easy way to get involved in a group of friends is to just talk to them. I became friends with this group of people who have been best friends since kindergarten and they all went to the same elementary school and everything. All you have to do to make friends is just talk to people, adn be yourself. Don't act fake. People cna see right through you. Joining clubs and things could help as well.
xsarrahh answered Sunday December 17 2006, 12:10 am: Aww sweetie dont worry its NOT just you..trust me. High school (or middle school if you are in middle school) are both about cliques. And once a clique is formed, its reallyy hard to get included! but you have to try. Trust me, it takes time. you cant let those girls know that you care they dont invite you into the conversation. And honestly, its all fake. MOST (there are some though) people who are supposively "best friends" dont stay friends forever and ever. Why? because they just stay close to have someone to go to a dance with or the mall. Its all about having someone to have your back its not true friendships. Having a best friend is like, a survival skill of high school. But its really hard to find that person at 14 because the people you've gone to school with have already like found their "best friends." Just try to be nice to everyone and try to get into group things without being annoying. Invite a certain group that seems to like you to your house for a sleepover and get to know them. It wont just happen right away and trust me, peoeple need a lott of warming up before they accept you. But dont give up! Be friendly and sweet and show youre a great friend to have! Good luck<3 [ xsarrahh's advice column | Ask xsarrahh A Question ]
holahayley56 answered Saturday December 16 2006, 9:50 pm: Lol, okkk. Don't worry about being a lonely person, or anything in your life. Chillll. This kinda similar thing happened to me, kinda. Only I like, pushed them away, & like.. I would actually like show off & stuff like that, & they got annoyed, because their alot more down to earth then I am. haha, but thats ok. So, anyways, thats when I decided these people, were obviously not really like me, they were cool & all, but they were interested in different things, & didn't wanna do the things I do. I then, started talking to this one group of girls, who were like my long lost twin sisters, they were crazy, but they new when to be & not when to be, & they were in to like abercrombie, chanel & stuff like that, like how i am.
I started talking them, by just making small chat, even such as.."whats the homework?" or "did you see that movie..." or "have you seen the cute new winter clothes at abercrombie?" and etc. Thats how it started. I then started calling them, alot. dropping little comments to them, about their outfits, or hair or something. [commliments, can really make someones day, & end up making them like you, type thing.] so, before i knew it, we were all having sleepovers, hanging out at the mall, & so on.
You can't expect people to come to you, go to them. (: & you'll have friends in no time. you just gotta look for them.. & ditch the old ones, find people that have similar intersts as you!
JustJamiex3 answered Saturday December 16 2006, 9:18 pm: Well. The trick is be yourself i bet you heard that millions of times but it does work. get alittle more involved in the coversations like relate to what they are saying. then when ever one uses you for a "back up friend" ask them to hang out one night. Or invie them all to a sleep over and fubd out secrets about them itll make you more of a best friend to them when thwey see you keep there secret. [ JustJamiex3's advice column | Ask JustJamiex3 A Question ]
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