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Gay kids
15/M My locker is next to someone who has some bisexual friends. There are 2 of them. The other day when school was over, one of them was like, hitting on me and saying that I'm cute and sexy and stuff like that. I'm straight, so I got a little freaked out. I am used to getting that from girls, but I'd never had someone who's gay do that before. The kid is pretty proud of be bi, too. He wears shirts that say stuff like "Don't hate, celebrate," and "Gay pride." He also wears rainbow-colored shirts and he wears make-up and acts and sounds very feminine. So it's not like he's trying to hide anything. Anyway, the other day when he did that, I got all mad and called him a fag, queerbag, and other derogatory words and yelled at him. And then, yesterday, he was standing in front of my locker, but instead of politely saying excuse me, I said, "get out of my way, you faggot," and then I grabbed him and pushed him out of my way. Then I said, "did you like that when I grabbed you, gay boy." Some of my friends said to go beat him up, but I would never do anything like that. My mom thinks that bisexuality is wrong because she thinks that people should pick to like one or the other. She doesn't hate anyone, and neither am I. I'm not against gay people. But what should I do to deal with this and what should I say to the kid to apologize? When those 2 incidents occured, everyone around was laughing at him and teasing him. I feel bad for him and I felt guilty. The rate of suicide among gay teenagers is high, and I don't want him to commit suicide and then blame me for it. What can I do to get rid of my anger? Is there counseling or anything?
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You keep saying you don't hate anybody. I think you're just reassuring yourself of that to make yourself feel better. The things you said were hateful things, and you need to accept that, on some level, you have some hateful feelings toward them. If you accept it, you can overcome it. Hatred is natural--people hate what they don't understand, and you seem confused about it.
I think you can learn to get rid of anger on your own, but counseling might be a good idea, if you feel you need it.
All you can say to this guy is what you really mean. Hopefully, he will accept your apology. As a bisexual, I feel sorry for anyone who feels so much hatred toward people, for any reason. I think the only way to eliminate hatred is by talking about it.
Unfortunately, he might never forgive you. He may be very deeply scarred by this event. But you can still make a difference. Learn from your mistake, and make an effort to teach others. The next time you hear someone say "faggot", tell them to stop. That's all it takes.
Also, just to enlighten you a bit about bisexuality: it's not a choice. Nobody chooses who they fall in love with. You don't get to pick their race, looks, background, income, or GENDER. I'd like it if you passed that onto your mom, but you don't have to.
Here are some things I think you should check out:
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-Beulah
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I think that maybe you should talk to your guidance counselor. i am very proud that you feel sorry for calling him a faggot. being gay, or bisexual is EXTREMELY difficult in the high school years, but people have to understand that there are going to be people who get angry and say things they may or may not mean. apologize. maybe even try to get to know him. there's nothing wrong with not trying to hide who you are, anyways.
i think the person who called you smallminded was indeed, him or herself, smallminded. People cannot, and will not agree all the time on human differences. Believe what you believe, and as long as you do not hurt anyone else, you are doing your job as a human on this earth.
Peace,
gsagurl1
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Your anger stems from the Psycological Fear you have but it's nothing that in time can't be undone and worked on so that incidents like this don't occur again..
I have bisexual friends, many of them have hit on me or other mates and although it's shocking at first eventually you get used to it and take it as a compliment i'd advise you to make ammends for your actions by simply talking because everyone knows that words speak louder than actions don't show your sorry mean it! talk to him like a human because at the end of the day thats all he is is a human being just like me and you and what you did may have hurt him but it's nothing that you can't put right...
All the best
-x- Sky -x-
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Both of you were out of line.
In the future, if a guy hits on you, interrupt him and tell him youre straight. Just a "dude, I dont swing that way, to back off" will work.
If a guy progresses past that hes trying to make you uncomfortable, so not keeping your cool means he wins, automatically.
Judging by the attire he chooses, especially to wear in high school, hes the type who likes to shove his sexuality in front of people because he enjoys making them uncomfortable. Tell people like that to back off. If they dont shut up, just ignore them. Also, one of my favorite comments is to just ask guys like that "Hey, are you so annoying that gay guys cant stand you and youre reduced to hitting on the straight?" or something along those lines.
If he crosses the touch barrier, thats when its ok to be a little more aggressive about it. You dont need to hit him, but letting him know its not appreciated is not out of line.
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Just tell him you're sorry. Reading your question I see you as a nice guy. He probably thinks you're a jerk. Just tell him you're sorry and you don't want to be rude but you don't want him hitting on you. That's it. Gay people aren't automatically sexual deviants, just say you don't want to have him say stuff like that to you.
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The important thing is that you feel guilty and you're willing to admit that you were wrong.
I think you should at least let him know you regret it. You should go and apologize to him. It doesn't have to be long unless you want it to be. Just go up to him, and tell him you're sorry for the way you behaved. You can even explain that you were a little freaked out if you feel like it. He'll probably really appreciate it.
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I don't think you can have counselling for that type of thing, but I think you that you should ask him if you can talk to him for a minute or two.
Pull him to the side & tell him that you've got nothing against him, and that you're not homophobic. Explain to him that him hitting on you made you feel weird and uncomfortable, and that's what caused you to say the things you did. I would also try to befriend. Who knows, he might just be a nice kid and a really great friend. And it'll help you be more comfortable around gay people. Just control what comes from your mouth, think before you speak, and things should be fine. I'm sure he'll accept your apology.
♥TiNA
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I don't think there really is counseling, that I know of at least for this, but maybe try talking to your school counselor about it. That's what they're there for.
I don't think you really need counseling, you just need to learn to control your mouth, and the hurtful words you say.
I would just go up to him and be like,"Look, I'm really sorry for what happened the other day. I know what I did was horrible, and I know you probably don't want to forgive me, I understand, but I just feel the need to apologize. I feel horrible, I do. I don't know why I said all those things. I was just kind of freaked out whenever you were telling me I'm sexy and stuff, whenever I'm straight, and I wasn't sure how to react back towards you. Like I said, I know that you probably don't want to forgive me, I wouldn't either, but I just want you to know that from my heart, I really am sorry."
And I would just leave him be. If he talks to you nad forgives you, that's great, talk to him and let him know there's no hard feelings you hope and everything, and stick up for him in his defense next time, all right? You're right about the suicide thing, so try your best and be a friend towards him and help him prevent it.
If this situation ever occurs, all you have to do is be honest with them and let them know you're sorry, but you're straight, and that what they're saying makes you feel uncomfortable. I've had this situation with girls before, and I told them, and they've understood and all was good and we're all good friends and everything.
Think before you speak, don't speak before you think.
I hope I helped.
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You are very small-minded. There is nothing wrong with gay people, or bisexual people for that matter. I know that your friends got a good laugh out of it, but personally, I don't respect you at all, and I'm sure that in the real world, no one else will, either.
The main reason you want to apologize is to not be at fault if he commits suicide. That's kind of selfish. You should want to apologize because you were very hateful to him. Judging other people is not your job, and it is not his job to impress anybody. I hope you remember that.
Oh, and just for future reference, words like "faggot" and "queerbag" are very immature. That just goes to show how limited and disappointing your vocabulary really is.
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