|
Teen Privacy/Family problems
Hey. ^.^ I'm a f/15 and I have a boyfriend. My mom caught me and him getting really close, and now i'm not allowed to see him. I was fine with that, because I planned to move out whenever I get a decent job, and some money (and of course come of age), but my mom continues to tell me that i'm not leaving the house until I finish college. (Which means I won't leave the house until i'm 24 or older...)And anytime I happen to tell her i'm moving out until I am legaly an adult she screams at me, and cries to my dad insisting that I hate her and want her dead. Which gets me on my dads bad side. But, she think she has cancer so i've tried to forgive her, but i've just found out that she went to the doctor, but didn't get a biopsy to prove she does. So she "feels" like she has cancer, when really I just think it's menopause. It's really quite horrible and because of her mood swings i'm starting to become an angry person. And lately she's been pushing another guy onto me in hopes that me and my boyfriend will break up, and sadly, I think it's working. The guy she's been pushing off onto me has gone off to the marines, and anytime I tell him I just want to be friends, she yells at me more and tells me i'm ungrateful, disrespectful, arrogant, and irresponsible. I've tried my best for 15 years to keep her happy. I've never done drugs, never had sex, I NEVER cuss, and i've never drank. But she continues to tell me i'm a bad child. But, we're also in the middle of a move so I figure somewhere between moving, her "cancer" and menopause, she's just having a bad decade. But, it's gotten to the point to where she started crying because I asked her for my own bed! I have a twin sister who i've been sharing my LIFE with for 15 years, and she flips because I want my own bed. And after the incident where she thought I got too close to my BF, she has threatened to hit me, called me a whore, and she cusses out my existence all the time. She gives me dirty looks whenever I walk into the same room as her, but again thinks I want her dead because I don't want to be in the same room as her. And, again, all of this wouldn't be so much of a problem but just a few hours ago I was writing in my diary about how much I really don't think she has cancer, and how I really think it's just her way of having a pitty party, and I left it on the ground. Now, she is constantly listening in on my phone calls, which I have nothing to really hide so it's just a stupid invasion of privacy I think, but she read my diary. It was locked, and under books in the bathroom, and she pryed it open, and started crying to my dad saying I left it open for her to read intentionaly so that I could let her know just how much I hate her. But, fighting won't get me anywhere, i'm too young to go anywhere, and crying certainly doesn't help, so I have no where to turn! We've been to family counceling and she makes it a point to make sure I don't say anything. The minute I open my mouth to tell the councelor about her threatening me, she immediately interupts and tells the coucnelor that I have a horrible lying problem. I need someone for some advice please make it quick! I don't know what to do, because i'm starting to think that I really do deserve what she's doing...Am I really a bad kid? ...Should I hate her? What can I do to make things better? I've already tried talking to her, but she starts crying and continues to insist that I want her dead, and that I hate her because I don't feel bad that she has cancer...But no one knows if she does! She keeps saying she's going to die soon, but she refuses to get a biopsy because she's afraid she won't have cancer and she'll be missing half of her breast for no reason....
I guess my biggest problem is low self esteem right now. Or maybe not...I don't know!! Please tell me what I can do, because she's starting to drag me down into depression, but I don't want CPS to take her away!!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
When people constantly fight like that it is because they have so much in common with each other. So the solution is to get out of the house. If you separate yourself from her then you would be able to finally get some peace. I know you mentioned you were not ready to move out so I suggest getting a job first. If you get a job you will be able to spend time away from her, if you have a job then get one with lots of hours. You get a job you can save money to get an apartment so you can move in with your boyfriend or one of your friends. You are not even close to being a bad person. You are right your mother is going through menopause. I know some people who are going through the same thing that act like that. The best thing is not to give up but to constantly try and work things out and if they don't work out in your favor just remember it is not your fault at all. You have the strength to do this, it is a matter of believing in yourself. Just do whatever it takes to speak up in therapy. Prove that she is at fault and it is not you.
]
Okay well ... I can't really help you with the breast cancer thing cause I don't know anything about it. But, in counseling, get your twin to say something ... Or become close to her && eventually get her to speak up for you. And NO your not a bad kid. (My friend once told me , he does drugs && drinks && a lot of stuff like thatt, I may do bad things, but I'm NOT a bad kid) .. No dont hate your mom either ... all this will lead up to something good , I promise you that. To make things better will be hard , but maybe try writing a letter .. telling her how you feel && write one to your dad too so she can't go crying to him. Also maybe kinda try to bribe her or something giving her chocolate with the letter or something. && I also have a low self esteem because of my cousin , so I know how it feels. But mines more psychallyy(i cant spell lol) than emotionally/internal. But if you need help with that just send me a message :]
xoxo melissa <3
]
First you need to let your mom know that a biopsy
will not remove "half of her breast". A lot of breast biopsies are needle biopsies which don't take long at all. Any surgical biopsy will just remove a small portion of any lump to send to the lab. It will not remove any part of her breast. If she has cancer it may, but it would also keep her alive.
She may be going through menopause. Add stress from a breast lump and she may be at her wits end. That's still not an excuse for treating you badly.
Until she calms down try not to antagonize her. Don't mention you'll move out when you turn 18. Don't tell her you're just friends with her idea of a perfect match for you. If she can't handle what you're thinking, just don't tell her.
If you want your own bed, get with your sister and tell dad. If you both want it she can't single you out to yell at.
You are not a bad kid. Don't hate her. She has some problems which have nothing to do with you.
She is a grown woman and needs to deal with them herself and not drag you into them. Be polite as you can but take any problems to your dad, who will hopefully be a help to you. It might be a good idea to have a private talk with him and ask his advice on how to handle your mom. :)
]
Hey!!! Here is my advice to you. I know I may be young(13) but I want to help. Here is my advice...
I know that you are in a really bad situation right now but your mother just wants to protect you. I should know my mother can get a little to strict but that is because she loves me. My mom and dad are forcing me to go to college and get a masters or 8-12 years (i want to be a vet) but that is because they didn't go to college and they want me to live what they havn't so that I don't have to go through want they did. And about your boyfriend situation...I am not that good on boyfriends but I have had a couple, just remember that they can not control your life but you have to think of what your family thinks of him. Your family loves you, just think to yourself say if you got hurt in anyway(like really badly) would your family be there at the hosptal with you? I know that yoru family loves you very much, and I have not met them. About the bed... that is tricky but maybe you should ask your mom for a bed or you can save up your money and buy a nice blow up air mattress with your money intill you get all of yoru bills paid off to get a real bed. I am sooo sorry that this is to long.
I hope that I help you with your situation!!!
Your pal Dramgurl
]
More Questions: |