I am an 18-year-old female and I feel as though my boyfriend controls me. He limits the girls I can talk to and talking to guys is definitely out of the question. In turn I feel as though I should do the same to him, so I do. Except I won't simply tell him to not go out at all. I will tell him to not go out 5 times a week, get drunk with his friends and pick up underage girls. Yet, I still feel guilty for telling him not to do this because I feel as though I have stooped down to his level and that I am now controlling him. He makes me feel this way as well. I love him, we are very close and have been dating for a long while, but what should I do?
kevin1986 answered Saturday August 19 2006, 4:54 pm: Men, in case you haven't noticed, usually like to be in control of things. You say that you love your boyfriend, but I'm not so sure he loves you. A guy who loved you, not only wouldn't try to control who you talk to, but wouldn't do the above things that you also mentioned. It boils down to this:you either accept this as a flaw of his and continue to date him, or it's too much for you and you find another guy. I can't make this choice for you. [ kevin1986's advice column | Ask kevin1986 A Question ]
MelLeDisko answered Saturday August 19 2006, 6:35 am: You should just have a serious talk with him sometime soon. Ask him why he feels he needs to tell you who you can't and can talk to and such, because being controlling in a relationship is not very healthy. Ask him if it's because he's afraid maybe he'll lose you? Or he doesn't trust you, and he might think you'll cheat on him or something? Let him know that you care for him and love him and you'd never cheat on him or anything, but the controlling has got to stop because you have to be able to talk to your friends and do stuff, just like he should be able to talk to his and everything, and I'm sure he's not too happy being controlled by you too. I hope I helped, and if you need to talk more, you can always IM me or leave another message thing on here! <3 [ MelLeDisko's advice column | Ask MelLeDisko A Question ]
illdomybest answered Saturday August 19 2006, 6:14 am: wow thats amazing you guys are so close that his minds acts through your body nd you perform the tasks he want you to be. your so close that you are him in female form. hmmm i think your alittle to close and you need to rethink and drop this guy its not normal and could lead to abuse [ illdomybest's advice column | Ask illdomybest A Question ]
Razhie answered Saturday August 19 2006, 12:40 am: Controlling in a relationship is wrong.
You can't make it right by trying to control him the way he controls you. You can only make it right by refusing to control him, and refusing to let him control you.
So, you should start talking to the people you want too.
You can explain it to him this way "I have always been true to you and honest with you, you have no reason not to trust me. Your controlling behavior isn't fair, because I have done nothing wrong and it makes me think you don't trust me. I am going to start hanging out with the people I choose too. I want you to know that I love you and will always be true to you but I hope you respect my choices, even if you don't always like them."
A loving relationship can survive this. He can change and so can you. If he is uncomfortable about certain people, his feelings should be listened to and respected, but that doesn't mean he gets to order you around.
loesje answered Friday August 18 2006, 9:38 pm: Did you already ask him why he is controling ou so much?
There must be a reason
Maybe he don't got enough trust in you or he is afraid of loosing you and don't know how to tell you
You should sit and talk ,let him explain to you why is acting that way
Try to explain that you don't like that he is controling you ..!!
What's up with the underage girls???
Are you shure this is the right guy for you??
To love someone doesn't mean that he is the right one for you!!
LuvYa12 answered Friday August 18 2006, 8:27 pm: Hun it seems to me that your bf has a problem i dnt want things to get out of hand for you but if I was you I would leave him I knw this is hard to do but it seems to me that this is turning into and can become a abusive realtionship..
Cux answered Friday August 18 2006, 7:53 pm: Hey-
If you love your boyfriend- you need to talk to him
Let him know how you feel about him controlling you.. and that you feel guilty controlling him too.. ask him if there is anything you guys can do to stop being so controlling of each other...
With a decent talk between you guys- you can work out the kinks in your relationship and become a less controlling couple...
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