|
Partner Is A Compulsive Liar
I have been with my partner for over 4 years and have known deep down he has a problem. He is a compulsive liar. It is scary to think about he has lied to me about but I still stick with him through thick and thin. He has lied about having a twin brother, he has lied about his brother having HIV, he has lied about his grandparents dying, he has stolen thousands of pounds from me and tried to lie to get his way out of that too. He has lied about so many things I dont know what is true anymore. I want to help him but feel I dont know how much longer I can take being like this. I do love him and want to help him but dont know how. Every time I try to talk to him about things he looses it and end up beating me up or trashing our flat. He has said he has seen councellors but they haven't helped. Being in the UK, I don't know who to turn to for help? Or should I just get the hell out of here? But how if I live with him? It's just so complicated!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
if counselers havnt helped. maybe hes not truly willing to change in that case say good bye
]
You have taken a lot of abuse for the last four years. Do you want to take it for the next four years, too? Your partner shows no sign of changing or even wanting to change. He is content to be a liar, and abuser and to make your life a living hell. Is that love? You are not doing him any favors by staying with him and accepting his behavior and abuse. He is learning only that he can get away with all his deceits and misbehavior and have someone to take it who loves him and is good to him, without him having to do anything for you. He is in control and dictates the relationship. You have been a willing victim, until now! Thank God you are re-thinking your life. Sometimes we don't want to give up on someone, because we don't see ourselves as good enough for real love, or maybe we were abandoned by someone and we don't want to abandon anyone...even our abuser. I want you to remember a time before you met him, that you felt more whole and better about yourself. You have the strength to escape his hold on you. Get out any way you can and start living! The more time you spend away from this guy, the more you will realize how badly he treated you and how glad you are to have control of your life again. I speak from experience and from the heart.
]
We have a psychologist who has a column on our site.
He only answers inbox questions so if you would like to contact him I bet he could be lots of help.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
]
Oh goodness, you are in a horrible situation and you need to do something about it now.
You say that he lies compulsively. If this is the case then there can be no trust in your relationship and a relationship without that trust cannot last. The fact is, you will never know whether he is telling the truth or not and although I accept it is ultimately your decision as to whether you stay with this man or not, I think it would be unwise to attempt to maintain a relationship with him under the circumstances.
Now, the issue concerning me most is that you say he beats you. I also live in the UK and you should know that ANY form of domestic violence is now an arrestable offence. If you were to contact the police right now and lodge the allegation against him, if you have some form of evidence (bruises, cuts or photos of bruises and cuts, even witnesses to the abuse), they can and will arrest him. If you choose this course of action and can prove the loss of the money he has stolen from you, you can add this to the allegations against him.
It sounds very much to me as though there is a deeper issue with him that has not been picked up on by the Counsellors he says he has seen. That being said, can you trust him when he says he has seen them?
I know that going down the road of legal action is an unpleasent prospect but you need to do this, for your self esteem, self confidence and self respect. You deserve better than a man who lies, steals and beats you and somewhere inside, you KNOW that. You just need the confidence to get it all sorted. Leaving him is an option, but if he is violent, I would strongly recommend reporting him to the police before doing this. After this point, you should seek refuge until the police can assure you the situation is under control.
I want to give you this website address to check out when you can: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
It provides information on Domestic Violence and tells you in more detail how to get help.
In this life, you have to do what you can to protect yourself and you CAN get away from him if you can find the strength to go through with it.
If you need to talk or would like to discuss this in further detail, please feel free to contact me.
]
More Questions: |