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humorist-workshop
My bf has an older brother (11 years older). He looks up to him like a father cz he helped bring my bf up. I like his brother a lot. Hes a nice guy.
Ive realised that whenever his bro is with us my bf doesnt treat me too gd (rude etc), for no reason. As soon as his brother has gone hes really nice to me.
He can't even be bothered to see me, or talk to me, if hes going out with his bro later on.
When we talk on the phone he doesnt make an effort. Its like Im talking to myself. When he talks to his bro they're laughing n hes telling his brother everything.
Before I didnt see it. Then I thought I was exagerating n I thought it was me who was acting diff. But now its jus obvious to me.
I have tried talking to him about it but he jus says Im being stupid and he wouldn't do that to me. If I say smething about his bro hes gonna get annoyed with me. He always does.
I dunno how to approach the situation.
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I've been in this sort of situation before and I can tell you, it doesn't feel good, huh?
When I finally got so exassperated with my guy I talked to him and he told me he understood and that he would try to change his ways, well, I saw that it was hard for him to do that so I told him that we should take a break from each other. I still miss him sometimes, but I know in my heart I made the right decision, because I know that the problem would have just continued and gotten worse, that I wouldn't have respected him if I had stuck around much longer. Think about this and decide which one you want more: a guy who doesn't respect YOU as a person or your diginity and self-respect....
Good luck with your decision :]
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I think..
He's trying to 'show off' to his brother and be cool around him since his brother is so much older than him.
Talk to him, face to face, the phone or IM doesn't give you the same feeling, and tell him how you really feel. He isn't being considerate of your feelings. He might think its cool to act like that, but he's actually hurting you emotionally.
Best of luck, hun.
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I'd meet with him IN PERSON one on one and then tell him how you feel. Tell him what's bugging you and give him suggestions how to change it. If you do talk to him, remember not to say anything bad about his brother. Just tell him how he acts around his brother. If ur bf really loves you then he'll try and change his ways. If you talk to him and nothing changes, I'd suggest dumping him.
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It seems to me that your boyfriend idolizes his brother quite a bit, and it's my guess that his brother never taught him how to be respectful to women. I would bet you $10 that your boyfriend's brother doesn't treat his girlfriends very well either and probably makes jokes about them behind their backs to your boyfriend. If his brother saw your boyfriend treating you well he might call your boyfriend a pussy when you're not around, and so on.
The brother is a total douche bag, and if your boyfriend doesn't have the balls to stand up to his brother and be a real man who has respect for his girlfriend, then he's Douche Bag Jr.
If you want to know how a guy is going to treat you after the "honeymoon" is over then watch how he treats (and talks about) his sisters and mother. If he calls his mom a bitch and is always giving his sisters a hard time then the jackass is going to eventually start treating you that way... either to your face or otherwise. But if he's respectful of his mother and does his best to protect and look out for his sisters then he's a good guy, and he'll continue to treat you well.
I suggest you approach the situation by saying, "I'm dumping your sorry ass because you treat me like shit around your brother and when i try to talk to you about it you tell me I'm being stupid. I'm off to find a much better, much bigger man... BITCH!" Y'know, or something like that.
Good luck with your next boyfriend!
-Carollani
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Well, if he really cared for you, then he would take it into consideration instead of just saying that you are being stupid.
Anyways, i think that you should talk to him about it a little bit at a time, and when the conversation starts to get a little roudy, then bring it up again the next day, and continue with it until he gets it in his head that it is really bothering you.
I had the exact same prblem with one of my boyfriends.
By the way, if he really cares about you and all, well, he should learn to listen to how you are feeling.
I hope that i have helped.
Hev
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I'm not sure why your boyfriend has to act differently around his brother, but if he's not seeing what exactly he's doing, call him on it the next time he does it and don't just let it slide by. If he still is acting up, then tell him you are leaving or hang up with him and let him know that you are too hurt to keep sticking around.
You know that he admires his brother and he's like a father to him in certain ways. Sometimes you should try stepping aside and letting him have some time with him alone. I don't know if that's the case, but make sure that you are giving them the time to bond and everything considering that they have a great relationship.
The truth of the matter is that if you can't express your true feelings to your boyfriend without him insulting you or getting mad and not assuring you instead, then he won't make a good boyfriend for you. There will be times when you'll have to speak up and let him know what hurts you so that he can try fixing it or assuring you of it somehow. I imagine that he is a great guy, but he needs to be a great guy to you around other people too, and he needs to be open with you when it comes to how you feel.
-TheTeenGirl
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If this is really getting in the way of your relationship, something should be done. Make sure it's a good time, and then bring it up. Give examples of stuff, ask about his relationship with you, ask about his relationship with his bro, etc. If he seriously doesn't notice anything, then he needs to make an effort to treat you equal when the bro's around. If he DOES notice and is doing it on purpose/doesn't care, then you can't stand for it. Tell him.
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