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My boyfriend doesnt know i exist
MY boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year, but for the last couple months we've been going out in secret while he rebuilds the friendships he lost. Innocent right? Not really.
Now, all he does is joke around about liking these other girls and then will be like "jk, i love you". He hurts me all the time. His myspace doesnt have one mention of me, his 'girlfriend' and 'best friend' but at least 5 things for this other girl. He wrote this poem to my other friend and now he's entering into a contest. He's always in a bad mood around me but act likes the perfect guy around everyone else. I understand he's trying to get his friends back, but I really want to be treated like I mean something to him. Online, he hardly talks to me! Sometimes 10 minutes will elapse before he'll say "ok" or "cool". I don't know what to do! The only time he acts like a real boyfriend is when we're hanging out just the two of us. He always sends me parts of conversations with other girls that I don't want to see and I tell him not to send it but he does anyways.
Am i just overreacting, or reading too much into it? I'm pretty sure he loves me, but all his 'jokes' about liking other girls is starting to make me question our relationship. I feel forgotten and talking to him about it makes everything worse. He just says I complain too much or im 'abusive'. I love him so much and I'm so confused! All the stuff he used to do to me he does for other people while i just stand on the sidelines being jealous.
Help!!
Reading this over i sound ridiculous but I'm really hurt and this whole this is both emotionally and physically draining.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Honestly, I was having the same problem with my boyfriend. I just sat down with him and we had a long talk. I told him how I was feeling and what I didn't like about what he was doing. Basically, I just told him that unless things don't change, we were basically over. He listened and our relationship became stronger. So yea..my advice is to talk to him..and make sure he understands. Hope I helped =]
mucho luv!
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Okay, your boyfriend is a jerk.
Dating "secretly" is stupid. It's like saying that you're ashamed to be with the person. So, that secretly thing needs to go.
And to tell you about all the girls he likes and the "Just kidding! I love you." No. Don't fall for it.
If someone who doesn't act the same around his friends as you, he's not real. If he can't act the same around his friends and you, whether he's with them or not, he's a prick.
Stop trying to talk to him online. It's obvious he doesn't want to if it takes him 10 or more minutes to even say something to you.
Don't try to talk to him about it, if his response is that you're abusive. When really, he is. Emotionally. He's emotionally abusing you by making you feel this way. No one deserves to feel this way, or be treated this way.
I would just try to find someone else who makes you feel good, because obviously, he's not it. I realize you guys have been together for over a year, but this is major. Dump him & find a new guy.
You deserve love, and the love he's giving just isn't the kind you need.
&TiNA;
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Your boyfriend is being a jerk. That sounds mean, I'm sorry! When he talks to you tell him all about the guys that you like and who was flirting with you that day. Don't IM him unless he IMs you, and when he acts nice and good when you two are alone, don't be that way back. It will show him that he doesn't deserve you!
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Your boyfriend is being a jerk and needs to be treated as such.
Stop trying to talk to him online. And if you do, tell him about what guys you like..then say jk, without the I love you.
And in the mean time, shop around for a new guy. This one's antics are going to get real old real fast.
If he isn't showing you that you are special, find one that will.
Oh and this going out in secret is a crock of shit. You should NEVER have to be with someone secretly, unless he is married. Doing that to someone is wrong, period. He should have never asked that of you, and you should have not agreed to it. It is beneath you and you deserve more.
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I can see why you would feel hurt and drained. What I can't see is why your boyfriend needs to be 'single' to rebuild friendships. In fact, I would question how genuine his friendships are if he's hiding his relationship from the other people.
While your boyfriend may claim you are abusive, from your post it appears the opposite is true. Keeping you secret, repeatedly throwing other girls in your face despite you asking him not to, ignoring you online, and being in a bad mood around you despite being happy with others - all of this is not the actions of a boyfriend who respects and cares for his girlfriend.
While it might be painful to comtemplate the relationship ending, it's definitely worth taking some time to decide if you are genuinely happy with the way things are - and if you could stay with someone who treated you this way.
I wish you the best.
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you might as weel face the facts... hes trying to move on in secret and find someone else before getting rid of you so he doesnt have to be alone. if he cant yell out loud to everyone that you are his gf. my bf loved me but he did the same thing and it led to soo many other problems. my advice is get out now or stop letting him hide you and if he doesnt want to be with you after you tell him that you dont want your relationship to be a secret then he doesnt repect you and he obviously has something to hide. sorry i know this prolly isnt want you wanted to hear but im trying to asve you from the pain that you will feel if i think what is going on actually is.
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Do you want to know why you think that you sound ridiculous?
Because all of this relationship madness is making you go insane! I've been just about where you are now, and I'm still dealing with it part of the time. I've been with mine for two years now.
Usually when he does something that bugs me, I always call him on it so that he'll understand what bothers me. I don't let it fly and a week later explode in a huge fight and then mention it.
You are exactly right, this is nothing but hurtful and you have to start really letting him know that you are starting to question the relationship. You and I both know that you deserve some respect in this area, so start making him know this. When he starts mentioning another girl's name, or anything that may come off as flirting with someone else, call him on it. Say, "That really bothers me that you are letting this girl flirt with you, and if you can't care for me enough to just have me being flirty towards you, then I really think that this relationship isn't going to stand any longer"
I have no idea what happened with his broken friendships, but if he's flirting with other girls to get friendships back, he is not worth all of your pain you are dealing with. And it really does hurt, I know.
When he starts to tell you that you are complaining too much, you just need to say, "No, I wouldn't have to complain if you didn't damage this relationship and crush my feelings to pieces" And I know that this sounds harsh, but you have to start getting a backbone instead of being his doormat. The only way he'll ever treat you with respect is if you show him that certain behaviors won't be tolerated by you. And if he leaves you just because you had standards that he couldn't meet, then maybe he wasn't worth your time. And you aren't overreacting. You are absolutely right when it comes to your feelings about this. But you are wrong when you don't take a stand.
Honestly, it sounds to me like this guy does not want to listen to you. He truly knows what he's doing, and he's just getting defensive toward you and turning the problems around on YOU instead of facing the fact that he's the problem. He blames you for complaining too much. I don't see it as complaining, I see a great girlfriend who needs some answers and who tries to express her feelings.
If you need any more help, just write me to my inbox.
-TheTeenGirl
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Awww hun, sorry that you are dealing with that.
I really hate to tell you this but I think it will be best for you to just end the relationship.
It sounds like he has no idea what he wants, and that he is just not looking for a relationship right now.
So just end it with him, find a guy who will make you feel good, and you will be happy.
I know that made it sound pretty easy, and I know it won't be, but really I think you need to just end the relationship, and if after a while you still cannot get over him then maybe give him some time and then try going with him again.
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