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Uncaring?
Ok, this may sound wierd but...I don't love my family. Yea...it's true. I find it so hard to realate and connect with them. We rarely communicate outside of yelling and complaining. I do want a family that I can come home to every day and feel comfortable with but...I don't think they're going to change. How do I make us closer? (13/f)
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Someone earlier this week told me how much I'll realize I need my family once I'm older.
My family is a pain in the ass, we get in fights a lot, we argue too much, and complain about everything and nothing.. But there is still a bunch of love in this house.
Once you hit your twenties, you'll probably realize just how much you needed your family, and once all your friends are gone and off to college, all you have left is them.
It's hard to get a long with people that annoy you, or someone that disrespects you. Give them a talk, give them respect, help around the house, don't snap at them.
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It's not that you don't love them. You might feel that way and insist it to the ends of the Earth, but the truth is that if anything happened to them, you would be devestated. It's just that it's hard to remember how much you care about someone when you don't like them very much.
Unfortunately, the situation with a family like yours is similar to my own and it's very hard to deal with it when you're in the middle of it. When you eventually get older and move out, you will find it improves dramatically but right now you need a way to deal with it.
When families fight, it's rare that anyone is entirely blameless so the first thing you need to do is check the way you behave to them. Do you shout at them? If so, lower your voice and do whatever you need to do to not shout. Hard, believe me I know but once you start shouting, you've already lost control of the situation and you're letting the other person have that control.
Do you do anything to help around the house? Do you keep your bedroom clean? If you don't do anything and/or your bedroom's messy, do something about it. I know that it's more fun to be outside playing with friends than to do stupid boring housework but some day, when you have a place of your own, you'll realise how easy it is to mess a place up and how much work it is to clean it. So give your parents a bit of a break.You help to make the mess, so help clean it up. Make sure that once a day you do something to help make your home a cleaner and more pleasent environment.
Don't bicker with siblings. It's easy to get drawn into petty arguments but usually they're over something really trivial like who left the toilet seat up or who took something of yours. Don't argue over it. Calmly point out what they did wrong, while making eye contact (helps to drive the point home) and then turn and leave, regardless of what they say. Family members can say truly cutting and hurtful things but the situation will only get worse if you confront them about it. It's much better to just let it go.
After that, it's really down to the others in your family. You may find that once you become sweetness itself, they will also improve but it does take time and a lot of effort. If it still doesn't work, try suggesting that you go to family counselling, to work through some of your issues. If you fight a lot, clearly there's problems there and if you can't discuss them at home, you would be best off trying it in a controlled environment.
It will be difficult but please give it all a try. If you do it all thorougly and carefully, there's no reason it shouldn't make a difference.
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I think you are experiencing a phase where you start being distant with your family. This is a really normal part of life, and if it didn't happen, then it wouldn't be so normal.
I know a lot on this subject, and I know how you feel when you say that you can't come home to them and be happy, or say hello and ask how everything is going. Sometimes it really can get that bad. This is because the communication has stopped.
I went through a two year period with non-stop fighting with my mom. It was horrid and I felt so far away from her. We argued about tons of events, and I thought we'd never find an agreement or conclusion in these events. Then I learned that we didn't need to come to any conclusion. She had her thoughts and I have mine. It's like being with your friends. They think differently of a few things than you do, but yet you can still relate.
So, just because your family has had really bad times, it doesn't mean that you can't find peace and common ground with them. Everyone has their disagreements and arguments, but you all are still a family who loves each other a great deal even though it may seem like the opposite.
To become closer, start conversations with them about anything. Ask your mom how life has been, or ask dad how work is coming. Ask a sibling if there is anyone special in their life. Even though it feels akward and it bit stupid, it's not. You have to start somewhere, and the only way is communication.
-TheTeenGirl
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What you're feeling is normal and every teenager goes through this when they're your age... Your family loves you, reguardless of the complaining and everything else that happens.. just know that as you get older.. things do get better. If you want to try to improve the situation now... try spending some time with your family on the weekend. Just go along with whatever they want to do and try to have a good time. I know you'll probably think that's lame, but you'll probably be suprised when you actually have fun. Don't do more than you feel like you can, though... If you find yourself getting irritated, just leave the room and find something to do by yourself. Finding ways to remove yourself from the disagreements is key.
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Make a daten with your parents to go out to dinner or bowling or something. i mean my parents can be annoying to me but not enough to where i don't love them .You should get closer to them, hun.
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Sounds like you need to talk to your family. Get them all together, and see what you can do to be closer to each other. If that doesn't seem to work, then try talking to your closest friends. Friends can always help with problems.
I hope I helped you,
I hope you and your family become closer...
--Jack
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Wow...I can feel the same way for so many reasons. That happens to me a lot, and it's really hard to deal! I know! You should really talk to one of your family members...one of them that you are relativly close with...you actually dont have to be that close, but maybe someone who you think feels the same way. Or, if one of your relatives who you are close with is available you can defenitly talk to them. The point is you really have to talk to a family member. Try to make things right, even if other people aren't. I really hope I helped...
Have a happy...
Joey xox
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I am sorry that you feel that way but it is a thing most teenagers go through.
It sucks, I know...but really all you can do is just realize that they are your family and you cannot get a new one so you have to live with it.
Unless they are abusing you, but it doesn't sound like they are.
So really all you can do is just know that a lot of teenagers go through that, and you just need to know that really you do love your family, you are just going through a time of tryig to find yourself, and so you and your parents are going to run into some conflict.
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