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keeping the house locked
We live on a farm in rural Minnesota. We are a 3/4 mile from the county road. We live on a dead end road. There is a zero crime rate in this area. My husband insists on keeping our doors locked at all times. I hate this and feel I am being locked in as there is no way in the world that anyone ever comes to our farm. To me, this is abuse. What do you think? I also say that it is cruel to lock me in when I have arthritic hands and opening the locks could be a problem, especially if there was a fire.
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Aside from having a difficult time unlocking the door, are you being held hostage against your will? If so, that would be abuse. Locking the door for safety is no where close to abuse. Rural homes here in South Dakota (where virtually no crime exsisted either) have become the targets of a new wave of crime. I know someone who had guns stolen from a hall closet at night while they slept.
There are assistive devices for people who have arthritis to make locking and unlocking doors easier. At least look into this so you don't have to fear exiting in a fire.
Key turners. Simple key turners can make coming and going much less of hassle. They typically have large plastic handles, which provide leverage for turning keys.
Doorknob levers. Doorknob levers or covers provide better grip and pushing power. Often made of molded rubber, they tend to fit over standard doorknob.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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i think that you should rent this movie called high tension... it doesnt matter if anyone ever comes to your farm its still good to be same! make sure you rent that movie it will make you think that you should keep your doors locked on your farm. i dont think its cruel i just think hes looking out for you!! rent that movie and get back to me and let me know what you think i really hope i helped and i dont think its cruel its for your own safety!!
HeaRts;kayla
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well i understand what you are thinking when you say is this abuse! but i can guarantee you that that is NOT abuse. Your husband loves you he isnt going to try to abuse you by locking the doors. He is doing this becues if you stay at home and something would happen and the doors would be unlocked you would pry get hurt because you probably wouldnt be able to defend yourself with your arthritis. And your husband wouldnt want you to get hurt so he is trying to protect you from any harm!
This is just a sign of love. But if you still feel that it is abuse then you should talk to your husband about keeping the doors unlocked and about your arthritis
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well i guess hes just trying safe. maybe convince him to leave the screen doors locked but the main one unlocked? or only leave the back doors locked where robbers whould most likely enter. or maybe you guys can try going to a hardware store and try to find locks that are good but easy for you to unlock ( like the door nobs i have on my doors that are always unlocked on the inside even when they are locked on the outside) or you can get the kind they have on bathrooms that when you turn them they unlock.
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YoungGrandma beat me to it. She's so good. :)
But maybe I can add a little.
At first as I was reading your question it seemed to me that your husband's behavior was odd, and a bit inconsiderate, but probably not abuse.
I had to re-evaluate when you mentioned arthritis.
First, a practical solution: There ARE products designed specifically for people with arthritis. You can find them via Google:
This site in particular has photos of some useful-looking products: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
But that's just half of the problem - and the lesser half, to be honest. The other half is that you don't fully trust your husband any more, and he either doesn't trust you or - at the least - isn't being considerate of your feelings.
For THAT problem, no product is available. All I can do is recommend couples counseling, although I realize that it may be a bit difficult to find in rural Minnesota. Still, there's clearly a gap between the two of you that could threaten your marriage. A counselor should be able to help.
If that's simply impossible, at least try having a serious talk with your husband - and a serious *listen*, too. See if you can both find a way to really communicate. Because when a couple loses trust in each other and stops communicating, that can be fatal to their relationship.
And it doesn't get better by itself. You need an outside viewpoint, or at the very least you both need to put in some hard work on your marriage yourselves.
I wish you the best of luck, and no fires or burglars!
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Unless your husband doesn't let you out of house at all, and forbids your leaving when and if you want to I don't think it is abuse.
Never assume because you live in a crime free rural area that it could NEVER happen to you. A crook could commit a crime totally unseen and get away before caught...Its getting more frequent all the time.
Chances are it won't. But I don't think being cautious in today's world is a form of abuse either.
I am sure if you researched it a bit you could find some more arthritis friendly locks to keep you both happy and feeling secure. :)
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