|
sister can't stand me
I have a younger sister, she is 23 and I'm 27. We've never gotten along and I really wish someday that will change.
Part of the problem is that she has always been jealous of me. She is obese, at least 50 pounds heavier then me and is shorter by 4 inches. She's never had a boyfriend or alot of female friends, and I have.
I try to phone her sometimes and have a nice conversation but It's hard for me to be nice to her, because she'll say things like '"what do you want", or "stop calling". She's even been as rude as to correct my grammer.
She has a university degree and all I have is a highschool diploma so she likes to rub this in my face.
The latest thing is that I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my cousins wedding and she wasn't asked. I've always been really close to my cousin and she wasnt, but I think this pissed her off even more and it wasnt my fault.
How can I ever have a relationship with her if she's going to keep treating me this way? I've really been trying. Does anyone have any ideas?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
You probably won't have a relationship with her if she keeps on treating you this way. Give her time. If you keep calling her, it will make it worse, since she obviously doesn't want to be bothered yet. Soon enough, she'll meet new people, get a boyfriend, et cetera. Then, there is a better chance she'll be happier with her own life and less jealous of yours. She'll realize that she was being immature and probably come back to talk to you. But for now, give her space. Always be there if she needs it, though.
]
I want to let you know that even though you both are adults now, it's never too late to try to fix things with your sister. But, she sounds really unhappy and as you said, jealous of your life and you. When you call her and she asks why, just tell her that even though things aren't and havn't been going great with you both, that you love her anyways and that you want to talk to her, not for a reason. Maybe you could even explain to her that you feel like it's time to make things right, and start inviting her places, go out with her, and if she refuses, just tell her again that you love her, and you want to make things better between the both of you. And if she continues to refuse, then explain to her again that you love her and that if theres anytime shes in need of help or someone to go out with or talk to, that you want to be that person for her. Don't get upset and say, "Well gosh I tried.." just tell her you love her and that you're there for her. She may not be ready yet, and that doesn't mean to stop offering, if you ask this week, give it a shot next week. If theres a time you get frustrated, then just remind yourself that you love her and that you want to make thing right with her and this is the only way. When shes rude, just tell her that you know shes better at grammer than you are, and that it hurts your feelings when she reminds you in a rude manner, that doesn't mean that you aren't happy for her when it comes to her success, but shes rubbing it in your face. But, don't give up on her.
-TheTeenGirl
]
Your sister is just unhappy and the way to make herself feel bettter is to throw what she has accomplished in your face. I dont think she means to do it at all i think she is just haveing a rought time. She may just need sometime to think about things. It is a competition to her. She feels that she has to do things to make it seem like she has the better life. The best way you can do is try not to be competive like her. A way to solve this is to call but dont talk about you or her just talk about how you guys are. If you avoid conversations that will lead to a fight then you will have a better chance of having a normal conversation with her.
]
well me and my sister are 10 years apart,and were best friends.But it hasnt always been that way.It just takes some time to really get to know eachother and find out eachothers likes and dislikes.Me and my sister used to always fight,but the more we spent time with eachother the better times we had with eachother.I suggest talking to her about how you feel and going out to lunch once in awhile...its a great way to have fun and bcome friends.
i hope i helped!
&hearts
]
Jealously is a sign of insecurity, always remember that. Your sister feels that YOU are so much more successful than she is, simply because you are happier and more well-loved. There is more than one kind of success, and (IMO) you seem to have taken the happier route- good for you!
Your sister shows the following behaviours:
1) Defensiveness when you call her. “Why is someone as successful as YOU calling someone like Me?”
2) Backbiting to cut you down (Correcting your grammar, reminding you that she has a higher education.)
3) Being pissy when she’s not invited to be in the bridal party.
I’m not sure that an outright, “what the heck is the matter with you?” confrontation right off the bat is the way to go, since at this point your sister can simply tell you to get lost, and then always feel that she is the better one, since YOU “attacked” her. If she is insecure about her weight/social/life, then the best thing to do is to ask her if anything is wrong and check her answers. If she continues to act this way, however, I recommend that you sit her down face-to-face, and ask her what is gong on.
If she is defensive (“why do you want to know?”) then you have a much larger problem on your hands. In order to have a relationship with her, you will need to help her bring her security levels up enough that she realizes that she is acting childish. Ask her how her day went. Ask her what she’s done recently. And yes, you might have to praise her a little (“you know, I’ve always admired how you had the strength to go through university”) to show that yes, she is doing SOMETHING right and worthwhile with herself, and that yes, being fat doesn’t always mean that you can never go anywhere or never be successful.
You might also have to realize, if she doesn’t start to change her behaviours, that sometimes blood isn’t always thicker than water. Unfortunately, if she is causing you severe mental distress, then you need to say goodbye to that relationship. An unhealthy relationship is not good for any of the participants.
Also, you didn't mention this, but ask yourself if your parents praise one of you over the other. Realistically, this happens, and if it does, then you need to ask them to stop interfering with your relationships. Even after they're gone, you will still need to deal with your sister, and having them praise, say, YOU when they talk to her only makes her feel more insecure and jealous of you.
]
Totally reminds me of some punks at school annoying as well...you know
anyway you gotta ask her straight up, "what's your problem." dont make it sound so rude or mean just be like "yo I wanna know why you're so mad with me I wanna be your friend so you gotta chill and tell me whats up ok?"
]
Sisters are usually pretty competitive with each other as it is. In a situation like this she may feel inadequate herself, and seeing the differences between the two of you only makes her feel even worse. Unfortunately all that you can do is continue trying to be her loving sister despite her actions towards you. She will need to figure out on her own that she needs help.
As for her correcting your grammer... that is one aspect of her life that she feel more than adequate about so when she seems to be rubbing in your face.... she is actually just trying to remind herself that this is one thing she is superior in. Try not to take it personal.
Has there ever been a time when you have felt jealous of her. Tell her about it... Let her know that we all feel inadequate at times. Remind her that you love her.
Hopefully she can get some counseling to help her feel better about herself. As for her weight, she has to want to lose weight and she should only do it for herself and her health.
Good Luck,
Eva J
]
me and my bro are 10 months apart. when i used to be 40 pounds overweight i was the one geting good grades in skool while he was more popular and into sports. when i lost the weight me and him became so much closer by playing sports together and hanging with the same people. now i am more popular than him but we are still so close and i have never been happier. i guarantee she is insecure about her weight thats the only prob. my bro used to make fun of my weight. maybe if she lost some weight and you helped her then you guyz wuld become good sisters.
]
This is a really difficult situation, but I'll try my best.
I don't get along with my sister either, but it's nowhere near as serious as you and your sister's situation as I'm 14 and she's only 11.
However, the technique I use to end arguments with her could work with you as well.
There are obviously at lot of problems between you and your sister that need straightening out before you even begin trying to be friends. I suggest you call her/finding some time when you two can have a talk and just explain to her that you hate not getting along with her. Tell her that you want to be friendly with her and that you're willing to talk about the problems you have with each other in order to do so.
You need to tell her that you are hurt by her behaviour because you do try and make an effort and it gets thrown back in your face.
Jealousy is obviously a problem here so talk about that to her, just arrange a time when you can have a good heart to heart to sort things out.
It will probably be a long time before you get along well and all that but it can happen, you just have to stick it out.
Good luck.
]
More Questions:<<< Previous Question
| Next Question >>>
|
|