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<<< Previous Question
Next Question >>> Altruism and Civility with the Tsunami

I still miss you


Question Posted Monday October 24 2005, 12:09 am

soemone i kno died and im really bad at dealing with it its been awhile and i still get thoose days that i just miss them so much is there anyway i can cope better?has this happened to you?if so howd u deal?


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Mackenzie answered Monday November 7 2005, 3:03 am:
I guess everyone has different things that work for them. Personally, I've only been exposed to death twice. My way of dealing with it was to cry. About 6 months ago my Aunt (who was a second mother to me) died of a sudden heart attack. When my Dad told me, the tears started flooding! I just ran over to the couch and my Dad held me for hours and hours while I balled. I just kept crying, harder and harder; that worked for me.


Another thing I try to do is think of all the good they've accomplished in their life. My Aunt was a nurse, so I tried to think about all of the people that loved her, all of the people who were lucky enough to have her in their life - she was without a doubt the most remarkable person I've ever met. I felt thankful to have known her. Everyone loved my Aunt - it was impossible not to. So thinking about all of the good she's done and joy she's spread.. that helped me.


But just as easily as I cried, when my Grandpa died... my Mom never shed a tear. Who knows what she was thinking.. it wasn't my business to ask. But she did what worked for her, even though it made no sense to me.


Personally, I like to keep pictures of them somewhere where I will see them all of the time. For the first few weeks, looking at it would bring me to tears everytime. But now, I get the widest smile. I guess you could say I deal with losing someone.. is keeping them near. Just because you can't reach out and touch them, doesn't mean they're not there. They'll always be with you, always, always, always.


I found some websites I can suggest to you:
-- [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
-- [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
-- [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)


I'm sorrie I can't be of more help to you, but when such a devastating event occurs.. I couldn't TELL you how to respond. :/ You'll have to figure that out for yourself.


Hopefully you're able to find some useful tips within those links. Please know that if you ever feel the need for a friend, you can come to me. (:

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NinaB answered Thursday November 3 2005, 6:51 pm:
My brother died four months ago. I think of him at the most random times, I miss him more than anything. I cope by looking through pictures of the two of us, eventually it will help me "let go". I've also lost two BEST FRIENDS to drunk driving accidents (over a year ago) and I still miss them from time to time also. You just have to take it one step at a time and eventually it won't hurt as much.

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TLM answered Wednesday October 26 2005, 1:26 am:
yes i know how it feels to loose a loved one. its very hard to deal with. just think you should be happy because they have gone to a better place. listen to this quote: when you were born, everyone around you was smiling and you were crying. live your life so that when you die you are smiling and everybody else is crying. hope i helped and im very sorry for the loss of your loved one!!! buh bye!!! &hearts; terri!!!

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helpachick answered Tuesday October 25 2005, 2:09 am:
omg this has sooo happened to me! wow this is weird that this question is the one the computer gave to me! ok anyways...my grandpa died 3 years ago and for a long time i felt sad whenever i thought about him...longer than it maybe should have been. well now that it is the third year i'm finally over it and i can be ok, but when i was cleaning out my closet the other day, i found the last birthday card he ever gave me before he died. it made me sooo sad i sat on my closet floor and cried, because of the grandpa-grandaughter relationship thoughts that went into the letter written at the bottom. i found that thinking about the happy memories spent with him helped me cope with the loss. at first even that was sad because i knew i'd never have those with him again. but now i realize that he would want me to keep going and make so many other happy memories too. live life...the person will always be with you and watching over you! xoxohelpachick

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*ashlee* answered Monday October 24 2005, 2:09 am:
i know exactly what you mean. my grandma passed away years ago, and sometimes ill start thinking about her and times, and ill just cry. same thing with my dad. or soemtimes ill just get really sad and zone out for a couple days. i was told this is normal, but if you find out that theres a better way. drop one in my inbox

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sunnyville answered Monday October 24 2005, 1:10 am:
Yes people that I cared about did pass away as I told someone before about it if you're curious to know about it you could find it on my advice column,and you will have to go on,but one thing is for certain you will never forget that person,it always stays in a special place in your soul and heart.It took a long time for for the pain to heal and to be able to do things that I normally do it's very hard to deal with it.I understand it's understandable that you feel you miss them and you must have that wish that you want them back , do anything to just have that person back and it just hurts so bad.What matters is that whoever it is that passed away they are up there probably up ther in heaven with god where it would be a nice peaceful place for them where for sure they don't have to worry about anything I think that inside my head just so I won't get really upset,So whenever you feel sad just try to think of it that way or speak to someone if they ever gone through that or it ever happened that one they knew died and how they coped with it as well just to try to perhaps make you feel a little better.Try to enjoy life.

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XxRockon answered Monday October 24 2005, 12:52 am:
aww i know exaclty how you feel, my dad passed away..to help cope its good to keep yourself busy with activites you enjoy..it also helps to talk to pople who you care about you, friends, fam..etc.. im sorry to hear about ur loss..if u wanna im me and talk about it..Sn is on the side of my site. :)

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wonderworld13 answered Monday October 24 2005, 12:41 am:
hey the exact same thing happened to me, my grandfather died and to make it worse he died on valentines day. so i was really upset. it took me a while to get over it and yeah i still get those days too to where you miss them alot. like alot alot and you just wish for anything to just have one more day with them, or just to see them one more time. but i deal with it by thinking and knowing that he is in a happier place now and also my grandmother died so i know he is with her and happy. just remember the person that you loved and lost is in a better place. and also remember its ok to cry sometimes about it. dont hold it in your really not crying because your sad your crying cause you love the person.

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amandasbabyboi answered Monday October 24 2005, 12:41 am:
I no how u feel i lost three people that meant alot to me i still think about them some time but i try my hardest not 2 think about them alot i just think about other good things that happens

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Dr_Chad answered Monday October 24 2005, 12:35 am:
You are coping just fine. There will be days when something reminds you of your friend and memories of his/her life and death will well up from within, and COPING means allowing these feelings to surface and be experienced. From your description it sounds as if you are in the final phase of grief, that of ACCEPTANCE. (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Acceptance). You can expect to occasionally have dreams in which your friend is still alive, or has come back from "heaven" to visit you. These dreams are also a perfectly normal means of accepting your loss. Sadness is a natural emotion in the fourth phase.

So, just continue to cope as you have been, allowing yourself to miss your friend and be sad. In time, your grief will subside, but the happy memories will always remain, bringing peace to your life.

We aren't meant to forget those who pass before us. The best way to honor someone's life is to be thankful for the time you had together.

Dr. Chad

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Askme247 answered Monday October 24 2005, 12:29 am:
Just think of the good time you had with that person odnt just think about how he/she died... think of their life and how much you love them... and think they are always with you in spirit... sorry if i didnt help!

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curlz answered Monday October 24 2005, 12:24 am:
i have gone through it twice i think of all the memories we had and theres a sound sonny by new found glory its sad but its a good song and its ok to cry its ok to laugh dont think its wrong to laugh at the memories bc its a way of emotion talking bout it helps if u need anything else ask plz give me some feedback

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