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Friend or Foe ?
My name is ashley im 15 & i have this friend leanna .. we both liked the same person for the same about of time just about .. then she started goin out with him .. is that right .. i think if two friends like the same person neither of them can have that person cause its not fair .. she always uses the excuse against me that its happend before & she tells me im not a goodfriend and im selfish & if i was a good friend that i would be accpecting of this .. am i right or wrong in this situation? .. i feel betrayed because of her .. i never would do something like that to her .. so what do u think .. am i right to feel that way or am i wrong ?
i rate =)
<3 ash
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Honestly consider it: Would you ever do something like that?
I can see that hurts really bad that she would do that, but you need to consider what's more important...the friendship or the guy. It does sound like she's being rude about it, and you should let her know that. However, mabye you should try being happy for her...hard as it is. I promise that I have a very simmilar isssue.
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ooooh you definetly have the right to be mad. I mean c'mon now your best friend stole your crush. I know with my friends if two friends like the same person your suppose to sit and talk with them. And if the guy likes one and not the other then the one he likes is suppose to talk to the friend. And if you would have agreed that it would be okay for her to go out with him then thats a different story. But she should have talked to you about it and made sure you were okay with it. In my opinion shes a little inconciderate of your feelings.
Hope i helped <3
If you ever need anything else just hit my inbox
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Well, I hink that what you said about two friends liking the same guy isn't fair....well, I honestly don't think that is very fair to say, because if he had gone out with you, would it have really made any difference to you? Just thikn if it was your friend, I think that/ hopefully, she would accept it, and you should too. And you shouldn't feel betrayed, because you can't make decisions for her. It was her choice to go out with him, but it seems more or less like you are kind of jealous. But sooner or later the same thing will happen to your friend. It just kind of happens, to be jealous, and you can't understand why. But the only thing you can do to make you stop feeling this way, is to accept the fact that, yea, she is going out with him. But if you really care about your friend, you will find the way to accept it.
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So the guy liked her more, that's not a crime. You are being pretty selfish by being mad at her. There are no laws, rules, or anything about two friends liking the same guy. Accept it and find a new guy, there isn't a shortage of them or anything.
Oh I'm sorry, did I not tell you what you wanted to hear? You didn't seek advice, you sought people's pity and telling you your friend was being mean. She was not being mean, you are. Get over yourself.
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This sounded like my situation with someone when I was in high school. So this is what I basically pulled from all of it.
Sure you and your friend should have the right to pursue anyone that you want but it's what you do with that opportunity that matters. Perhaps she did something that you lost the opportunity to act upon. From her point of view, she probably saw it as "Hey we both like this guy, she's probably not serious about him since she hasn't made a move yet, so I might as well do it". What Leanna probably felt tired of just waiting and "letting go another one" so she decided to make the move. Or if he made the move, it is something that made Leanna jog his mind. Every second of every day gives you the chance to catch his eye, and to aspire for anything you wish. Waiting on that chance is never a good thing because there is an expiration date to everything, whether you like it or not.
Whether you are wrong or not is not a clear line that you can just draw from. Your friend made it clear that she liked him, too, so it's not like she pulled a carpet from right under you. But she did not necessarily clear that she was going to hunt him down and the shock is probably what made you react with anger. She had no right, however, to call you a bad friend, or accuse you of being selfish as if it was a disturbing thing to be feeling or that it makes you a bad friend. Leanna most likely understood that you were going to react with anger, so she defends herself with reasons, not excuses, and met you with anger by picking at you with a very juvenile reasoning. Don't worry, you have every reason to feel the way you feel because it is a natural feeling of betrayal but you need to be able to understand it from her point of view in order to move on.
Hopefully, you are now able to accept that your friend is going out with a guy you had a crush on. Again, it shouldn't come as that much of a shock to you. "Just because" she is your friend does not entitle you to her judgement as much as you are in control of the boy's judgement in her. Yes you are allowed to feel the way you feel but you should not judge your friend based on these hostile feelings right now. Your friend Leanna will mean more to you in a month than that "old news" will.
And besides.. it gives you the edge in first picks next time. Just make sure you get your foot in the door before your friend does when the boys are all prim and lined up. ;)
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Your friend isn't really a friend at all. Its one thing for her to like a guy you both like and then date him knowing that you may feel bad, but to go and call your selfish and need to accept it is wrong. Shes not a girl who thinks about anyone else but herself, she is the selfish one, the next time she calls you selfish, or is rude to you, you tell her that at least you'd consider her feelings before going after someone she likes too, so that makes her more selfish than you, and that it makes you better than her of a person and a friend. You're truly the definition of a good friend, and if one of your friends don't seem to think so, then its time to move on and tell them to get lost.
-TheTeenGirl
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Dear Ashley,
I see what you are saying and I think that you have all the right to feel the way you do. I see why you feel betrayed of your friend and i think that you should gently talk to her and tell her how you feel. Use kind words and dont yell or get her upset or this friendship wont last too long. So my advice is to talk to her and give in your part of the story.
Love,
Gracie
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Hey Ashley.
From what you told me, this girl doesn't sound like a friend at all. When she told you you were selfish and you needed to be accepting, did you tell her, "no! you being selfish and you need to be accepting too!"? I mean friends have boundries, and your friend crossed them. Don't worry, you're completly right. Stand up for yourself and don't let this bi*ch try to blame you for something she knows is wrong. Crushes on boys will come and go, but so will crappy friends.
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