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From out of Nowhere
I'll be brief. There's this one pretty girl I knew in Junior High; although we weren't offically an item, we were very close friends. During the time we knew each other, we didn't exchange phone numbers, email, or anything like that. To make a long story short, I got in trouble with the law and was kicked out of the seventh grade. After the ugly rehabilitation process, I was missing her ALOT, but eventually I had to get over it, and started high school on a fresh note. Today, I get a call, and it's her. Obviously, I'm stunned she called; she tells me she got my number out of the phone book. She said she missed me and we talked for a looong time about our lives right now. During our chat, she talked about how she thought she was worthless, how her mom was being treated for AIDS, and bascially, things aren't good for her. She also said she liked me then(she even used the word "soulmates"), and although I told her I did too, the words didnt quite come out the way I expected. And thats where my question comes in. I have little to no experience with women, and would like to know ways to assert myself confidently, while not acting like a total jerk. I also want to make her feel less worthless about herself, because I do care for her. On top of that, she has a boyfriend already. How can I do all of this, without her thinking I'm trying to intrude on their relationship? She wants me to call her tomorrow at 7, so answers would greatly be appreciated before then. But don't worry if not, I'm sure I'll eventually talk face to face with her soon. For your information, I'm 15, and male.
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Um, well, you did say she had a boyfriend, and um, she is is havin' problems, well tell her to come to advicenators.com like you are doing now. Anyway, man, you have GOT to get it together!! Start on a new page again. Talk to that girl, some more.
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well, that is a pickle. I think that when you talk to her you should ask her how her boyfriend is. If she sounds annoyed or wierd when she talks about him, it might mean that she isn't too interested in him. no matter what she sais about him make sure that you respond. About being assertive, just don't be too shy, but don't like attack. treat her nice and don't act different when with your friends. don't ditch her to go with your friends, and always ask her before you do something that includes her. make sure you don't move too fast if she isn't ready, and always tell her how you feel. be there for her in times of need.
To make her not feel worthless, always give her compliments, and tell her that she isn't worthless. Give her comfort when she is having a hard time, and let her talk about her mom if she feels that she needs to. Whatever else is bad for her, try to help. I can't say much more because you didn't give me anymore info, but good luck and tell me how it goes. I hope I helped, and remember that my inbox is always open. You don't have to rate, but it woudl be nice if you did. Thanks.
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well the only thing i can think of is asking her if she thinks you guys will ever be more then just friends
you whould know what to do after that
i hope i helped
jessica
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Okay...Yes, it seems like you have a difficult, and a confusing problem at hand. Well, she called you out of the blue, so it is a definite sign that she has some interest in you. A DEFINITE sign, but the whole boyfriend thing... That's a litle odd.
When you talk to her at 7, ask her about her relationship with her boyfriend and how that's going. Listen and respond. Then you should just go for it and tell her how you feel about her. But don't go "I LOVE YOU" because that's a sign of being desperate. Just say "Look, I've cared about you for a long time, and that feeling still holds true today. If you want to make something of that or if you feel the same way, then you should act on it, but I'm not going to try and intrude on your present relationship"
Plain and simple like that. That shows that you are not trying to break her up, but it still lets her know how you really feel about her.
I wish you the BEST of luck. (oh and i've been in this EXACT situation before and what i typed above, is the best solution, believe me)
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wow! i thought you were in your 20's er something. actually, i know a guy that's in your situation right now, & he's not dealing with it very well, so i'm gonna try to give you tips. it's great that she called you, and you seem really happy about that. i think being open & honest with her is the best thing you can do, because you don't want her to get away again. her having a bf is difficult, because yeah, saying those things could be getting in the way of their relationship, but if you word it right, it won't be. you juss have to straight how tell her how you feel, then & now. but i think you should tell her that you aren't trying to intrude on her relationship with her bf, you juss wanted to let her know, because you don't want to regret anything. regret is one of the worst feelings & you don't want to feel that. she'll probably completely understand & since she told you how she felt, then she's expecting you to do the same with her. juss be open & everything will be ok. if she listens, but still wants to be with her bf, you'll still get a great friendship out've it. maybe you guys will get together. you juss need to talk to her first.
-hope that helped!♥
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As a girl the same age as you.... you write a lot better than any guy i know. sorry thought i'd let you know.
If she used the word soulmates she shouldn't have a problem ditching her bf and going after you. You intruding on their relationship might make him mad, but other than that if you liker you need to go after her. All girls want a guy who goes after them... so dont worry about being a jerk. Most girls end up liking jerks anyway. haha.
To make her feel more worthy... let her know that you missed her ever since. And that you care a lot about her. Letting her know that there isn't any one better will deffinitey make her feel more like she has a purpose in life. Pretty much compliment her and point out all the wonderful qualities she has.
As for confedence only you can do that one. I can't give you advice on how to be confident because i dont know you. I dont know how you usually act toward people you like, you know? What i can tell you is that acting like nothing bothers you is also considered a way of being confident. I'm sorry i cant help you with this one very well.
Hope I helped, and i hope you and her get together
LiL sHoRtY
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It sounds like your friendship meant a lot to her and she wants to be friends again. I hope it works out for you.
Here is a website you might check out. Hope it has some useful tips for you to use. :)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) estee
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