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6 years with gf but here comes a new feeling for another gir
Okay, for starters, I'm 30, male.
I've been with my girlfriend for over 6 years, she's such a sweet person and I love her, but you know the excitement of the beginning has faded.
Now there's this girl, she's our common friend and she's amazingly beautiful, she's something special. What's amazing is that she never had a stable relationship although she certainly would like to.
Now I feel something changing inside me, my way of thinking about this other girl; can it be love? I don't really know, because we're pretty different and I don't think we could have a durable relationship, but somehow I feel an overwhelming attraction for her, and I DO know sex with her would be incredible.
Being such a sensitive person as I am, I am going through a horrible time, the only thing positive being my loss of appetite; my gf has noticed it and I and I have more or less dismissed it as a temporary situaton because of work, friends and all (it's been a hard year in those aspects), but she's probably thinking there may be a relationship problem behind this.
Now what to do? Shall I tell her? this could destroy our friendship, and I would really regret that (I guess it depends on how sympathetic and understanding a person you are), but I know I could give her some of the love and attention she deserves... I am also thinking about telling my girlfriend, she deserves sincerity, but who knows where this could bring us... At the moment I am thinking about telling the other girl, just to get it off my chest; she will probably reject me, but keeping it inside is hurting me. Telling my gf is in my mind too, but I'm not sure about it.
I can't help but feel this mixture of love and attraction/lust for her, and it's killing me. I don't believe denying it would rid me completely of her. I guess you can love two people at the same time, though I never thought I'd be in this situation myself. Damn, damn heart...
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First off what I've noticed is your relationship lost the feel-good tingles of balled-up panties in sheets early mornings. Basically sex has gone bland. Secondly, you're lusting after a girl that you're afraid won't be as optimistic about your new escalating feelings as you are but you don't want to break it off with your girlfriend because you don't want take the max bet without knowing your stakes. Let me ask you a question, when do you plan on breaking it off with your girlfriend already? "She's such a sweet person and I love her", signals you're continuing to take one for the ball team and the love you think you're feeling is descending to failure.
If you think this you and your girlfriend could still work, hey, stop reading right now, but it wouldn't hurt to consider your options. There's several ways of going about this and all the ways is or will eventually inflict serious damage on your relationship. Your girlfriend has already confronted you about it in a passive way. If you don't let her know something is wrong already this will just keep biting you in the arse throughout your relationship. So far it doesn't seem as if this bond was meant to last and sex is the least of your problems. Following this step assures two things: your girlfriend will know what is oging on and give her insight on it. You might also be able to "work it out" and tweak the mishaps if you dodge the dishes and avoid the rear bumper of her car. Try and explain to her how you're feeling and if you do or do not think this is oging to work out. I strongly suggest that you should just try to do damage control because it seems as if your relationship lacks the communication and understanding that would be able to patch things up again. If it does work out then you both will end up strengthened by this experience and hopefully make communication a regular exercise. (for the future too.)
Another way is pulling a prick, and hit and ditch. Remember, the truth will come out eventually and you better be ready when all hell breaks loose. This is assuming that it is just lust that is stopping you from a fulfilling relationship with your girlfriend. Doing so will not solve the problem but delay it further and take it to a whole new level.
A strong and true relationship should be able to overcome all odds and excitement should not be bound to the bedroom. Overall this should be a lesson to you and all, don't let lust be a reason for untimely decisions.
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Communication is the key to any good relationship. You need to talk to your girlfirend about this instead of leaving her in the dark. Yes, physical attraction may fade for some after a while, but just because you feel a strong sexual bond or connection with another person doesn't mean you should throw away the relationship you and your girlfriend have worked on.
Tell your girlfriend. Do NOT under any circumstances tell the other girl of your feelings. Chances are, like yg said, they're friends, she'll end up telling your girlfriend about it. Plus, if you don't tell your girlfriend and tell this other girl how you feel you might end up losing both of them. And I don't think you want that.
Ultimately it's all up to you. Either way someone is going to get hurt in this situation: your girlfriend if you don't talk to her about it and/or break up with her; the friend if she accepts (because, lord knows, their friendship will probably end); or you keeping it hidden inside and/or getting rejected by both.
I can tell you what I would do if I was in your shoes... If there was no open communication, no bond whatsoever with the girl that you're with now talk to her about it. Either come to an understanding and work on it to make things better or end it now. Try making a list of pros and cons and see who wins, but be honest about the list. That way you can make a more informed decision when you decide to make one.
Good luck to you.
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Whatever relationship you're in, after six years the initial excitement will fade. Your choice is to move through life on a string of shirt-lived relationships, always having that initial high - or to commit to someone and find new things to be excited about.
It's normal to be attracted to someone outside of your relationship - perhaps you've heard of the 'seven year itch'? People start getting a wandering eye, missing that first flush of sexual excitement, and want to try something new. It's okay to feel that way, even though it can often devestate the person who feels torn - and the relationship he/she isn't sure about.
Why not wait and see what happens? It sounds trite, and could lead to a few more months of agony for you - but this attraction could wear off. And suddenly you're girlfriend could delight you again.
Whatever you decide to do, it's important to be honest with your girlfriend first and foremost. Six years is a hefty amount of time to spend with someone, and she deserves to know what's going on. She should be involved in what is essentially the make or break of your relationship.
If you truly love your girlfriend and just want to spice things up or have better communication, couples counselling is a great thing to try. Long term relationships require a tremendous degree of thoughtfulness, commitment, and an ability to weather rough patches. Any relationship will hit this point. It's totally up to you what you decide to do at this crossroads, but I sincerely wish you the best.
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Life is messy, anyone who tells you it's all lollipops and candy corn is a liar.
There is a lot to process here. You have been with this girl for 6 years, that is a long time to invest into a relationship. What has changed that you no longer have the same feelings about the girlfriend?
At the very least break up with your girlfriend and don't string her along. Six years is a very long time and prolonging the break up make her more upset than she is going to be and it's just plain cruel. If she loves you she doesn't deserve to be in a relationship where the other person is entertaining the thought of "incredible sex" with another woman.
Maybe if you just think about it if your current girlfriend was to do this to you before you had feelings for this other woman. How would you feel? How would you react? How would you want to be treated?
These are the questions where you are going to find your answers.
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wow...intense...
ok well first of all if your thinking of telling these girls how you feel then you have to be sure of your feelings. you have to think long and hard about if you tell this girland she rejects you..then your g/f is probly still going to find out and there will be trouble. so think about if having this other girl is worth losing your girlfriend
good luck
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wow! okay first it sounds like you have a great relationship with your current girlfriend... you should not break up with her for the other girl... i mean you never know .. what if the other girl doesnt have feelings for you... that would be a waste and plus you realli love your girlfriend ..... & you say that you and the other girl are common friends... sometimes you find your self crushing on a friend but you just have to follow your heart not your head... if you think that she also has feelings for you then go for it... but you have to think about is she worth breaking up with your gf of whom you have beein going out with for 6 years... if you two have lasted that long then you must be doing something rite!..... well i hope that hellped xoxo Dzana
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It seems to me you are living in a fantasy. Which is just grand. But isn't real. So lets play the knowing game.
You Know... you love your girlfriend, you have invested six years into this love and are going through a tough patch in your life right now. This entire thing stands to hurt your girlfriend alot, regardless of whether you are decent enough to tell her before you speak to this other woman or not.
You don't know... that this other girl feels the same way about you. That, if the sex ever happens it will in fact be any good.
You suspect... this women will regect you and you would not be able to have a long term relationship with her. And it follows, she would add you to her list of unstable relationships. So you wouldn't be giving her the love and attention she needs.
The love you feel at this stage isn't real in my opinion, it's part of the fantasy you've created around this other woman. Six years with your girlfriend is real. A completely real person with flaws and dirty underwear and bad habits.
Maybe you do need to speak to the other woman just to face the reality of your sitiuation. Maybe, for reasons we don't have here, the love with your girlfriend has died. But as far as I see it, the courses of action you considering right now are only going to end with you looking like a jerk.
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If the girl you are attracted to is any kind of good friend of your girlfriends she is going to turn you down. That being said, You'd better think long and hard before saying anything to either woman about your feelings. Chances are good you could be the big loser all around if you do.
You say you love the girlfriend of 6 years. That is the only SURE thing you have here. And 6 years is a big investment of time. Are you sure you want to risk throwing that away for a POSSIBLE fling?
That first thrill of conquest does fade over time, but if two people love each other it is replaced by bigger and better things as time goes on. Right now you see yourself as a possible big rescuer for this other girl when having a relationship with you would be no more "stable" than any of her past relationships.
I don't think what you are feeling is love, I think you may feel bad for her, you may think you are what she has been waiting for all her life, but that is doubtful. She is a good looking girl and the unknown is the attraction. And unless you have sex with her you DON'T know the sex would be incredible. The idea of sex with her might be but, in reality you have no idea.
Women are very intuitive and your girlfriend is probably worried. I don't believe you ease your mind/guilt by hurting someone you love. For this reason I suggest that unless you decide to pursue the other girl you say nothing to your girlfriend about what you are thinking. Unless you break up with her, which if you plan a pursuit of someone else you need to do BEFORE the chase. If you tell the other girl and she rejects you, you can be about 75% sure that she will tell your girlfriend.
I will leave you with this thought that I read recently. The majority of people (men/women alike) who cheat on their partners regret it immediately afterward. The actual sex with the other person never equals the anticipation and pursuit of it. Once done there is a tremendous amount of guilt involved and regret. Is that minute of gratification followed by guilt and regret worth destroying what you have now with your girlfriend of 6 years? Please think about it before you do something you might regret.
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