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How do you get rid of people's perception of you?
Hi, I'm trying to get rid of my my unsociable, indifferent, freshman reputation, and hopefully make some close friends this upcoming year. I would like to know some ways I might be able to change people's perception of me. I guess I come off as withdrawn and slightly angry, so this may come off as a difficult question for those of you "popular people", who are able to make friends easily. My main purpose is to make friends in order actually look forward to going to school in the morning... For your information, I am 15 and male.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Just say hey to people who you wouldn't even consider your close friends. Ask how their day went and how they are doing.
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I would suggest smiling more and showing a sincere interest in what other people are saying. Find a common interest with someone so you'll have something to talk about.
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Changing a bad reputation is tough; they tend to stick. But there are some things you can do. You probably already know most (if not all) of them, but I'm just covering the bases, if you know what I mean. :D
One thing to do, weird as it may sound, is to practice smiling. When I was about your age I used to frown a lot; I guess I was trying to look more serious. You should see some of my class photos! Unfortunately, months of frequent frowning pretty much built that expression into my face. Like many people, when I'm relaxed or asleep, I still frown (my wife does too).
The problem is that biologically, we're designed to have a bad reaction to frowning people. There are neurochemical changes that take place in your brain when you see someone frowning, and that's really beyond your control. It's also quite true that if you frown, you yourself are much more likely to feel angry or depressed.
On the other hand, a smile automatically makes you look more attractive. When I was in college there was one girl who always smiled. She wasn't grinning like an idiot, or anything, but she always had a gentle smile on her lips.
She was pretty heavy, and not the most beautiful girl in the world (although she was quite pretty), but I can tell you that there were an incredible number of guys who were totally in love with her - far more than could be explained by her looks.
You get the point, of course.
So practice smiling. Try to get your face to relax into a smiling position - not an insane clown grin, or anything, but try to look as if you're having fun, or at least a pretty good time.
Other things that will help: look people in the eye and use their names when you talk to them. Stand tall; people with good posture really do make a better impression. And be patient, particularly with the smiling and the posture. It could take months of practice for those to become automatic for you, but the benefits will last for the rest of your life.
You're 15, and male, so I should probably say this: I hope you don't take offense, and this may not apply to you, but a little extra care with how you dress can also be helpful in changing the impression you make. At least, try not to make any major mistakes.
I did, and I'll tell you about it: as soon as I was able to grow a beard, I grew a HUGE one. I had no idea how bad it looked. I just wondered why I could never get a date. :D
Now, as for finding friends: I'm like you. I had a hard time making friends with people in high school. But then something changed, and in college I had TONS of friends.
You can probably guess why. I found something I really liked to do, and I hooked up with other people who liked the same thing. That put me together with a large group of potential friends, starting out with two huge advantages: we all had something in common, and we all had a particular subject to talk about. In my case it was roleplaying games (yes, I'm a geek), but it could be anything for you. It helps if there's a club or something like that at your school for whatever activity you pick, of course. But even if there isn't, you might be able to START a club - assuming your group activity is something that the school comfortable with, of course. :D
15 is a tough age. Believe me, things are going to get better.
Good luck!
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Try joining a club or a sport, perhaps? That way, you can meet people with similar interests. You can have conversations and such about it, and build a friendship from there.
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By wanting to change and make closer friends is already a start in making new friends. It only takes one friend to open a gate to more. Not everyone is going to change their views about you. But if you put yourself out there, most will. Just finding one close friend is all you really need. Next year just put yourself out to people who you wouldn't mind becoming friends with and it will definatly help you and eventually your reputation will change, which will lead to more friends.
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I have the feeling you're more of an introvert than extrovert. I'm the same way, except that I don't go out of my way to figure out how I can change other people's perception about me. Unless everyone is being hostile or cold to you, then maybe it's something serious you should look into. Being the popular one isn't the way to go nor should you change just because popularity gets more friends. Most guys and girls are superficial nowadays, it's all about what the new look is or how much attention can I get for doing something stupid. The thing that you must change is how you perceive yourself. If you look in the mirror and are unhappy with what you see, or if you walk around day after day with feelings of sadness and insecurities, figure out why that is. Sometimes change is good, whether it's getting new clothes or cool hairstyle, but in the end that doesn't matter because what needs to change is the inside. People will take notice even if you are withdrawn yet still maintain a level of confidence. If you notice someone with the same interests, take advantage of that opportunity. Also, whenever you have a chance, spend some time alone and take a step back from reality. Look inward, look what's around you, and think positive. Changing how you think is probably the best way to change your behavior.
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