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who do i choose?
hi, i remarried 10 years ago.i had 3 children when we met.he's been a great father and husband.about 2-3 years ago my(our) eldest son (15) and my husband tarted to argue all the time.i suggested that we all og to councelling,my husband said he didn't have a problem.it was all my sons fault.about a month ago he moved out.we didn't have a problem when he moved out ,then all the sudden he 's acting like he hates me. he says it's all my fault for not doing anything about my son.he says he'll move back ion when my son is out of the house.could be 1-4-6 months,or longer.he's blaming me for all of it.he wanted me to kick him out or put him in foster carte.now were on the verge of a divorce. i love him very much but i can't go on like this much longer.help please.
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oh my god. leave that looser. your children are the most important people in your life. that man does have a problem and he needs to get lost. dont let him ruin your family. me and my mom and my stepdad fight ALL the time but he doesnt send me away or leave my mom, they wont give up and neither should you!!!
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Almost all teens can be a trial. But, you don't just give up on them. If our parents had done that where would we be? I think your husband just needs to get over it. I'd hate to see your marriage disintegrate but you can't just stop being a mom because some guy says to. Even if you do happened to be married to him.
It is not all your fault. You are doing your part. You are being a mother to your son. You suggested getting help ( that he refused). He is at fault if anyone is. Do not kick your son out. If he is being that big of a problem then get him counselling, but don't kick him out unless his behavior is either threatening towards his siblings OR unless he would be considered a bad influence on them. NOT because your husband says so.
I realize you love him very much...he felt the same he would be living at home and trying to work it out. That's what marriage is. He wants the easy road. I think there may be more to his move than maybe even you know right now. Talk (or better yet write) to him and let him know all your feelings. If he still wants to live apart and insist you give your kid away. Good riddance. :)
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your husband is acting selfing he married you and acepted the role of a parent he is also responcible for the fighting ... your son is getting older and the hormones he may be acting out which isnt right but your husband must understand that , councelling is a good idea you must explain to your husband that there is a problem because your son and him are constantly fighting . if your husband cant try to resolve the problem with your son and refuces to seek counselling there is a big problem ... your husband is making you choose between him and your child ... thats not right . you said that everying was fine when he left and maybe thats the only way things can be fine . if the issue is not resolved then you should ask your husband to leave ... you cant throw your child who is a minor out . where will your son go ? be homeless or in foster care they will have a field day with him ... they take kids for the money and he would be abused there because most people who do take kids in are just looking for a quick buck . please got to counselling and resolve the problems or ask your husband to leave because things arent working out ... ask your self whats going to happen when your other children get older and become moody will you kick them out just so he can stay ... he also may not be ready for a teen he may need to take parenting classes . if divorce is what needs to happen then let it . the worst that can happen is that he leaves and you have peace and your children . maybe kids arent or him ... please ,make the right decision .
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you should always put your childrens needs first always find out their side of the story if he wants you to kick your son out thats really wrong and you shouldnt ever kick your child out unless he did something really wrong and one arguement isnt anything to kick a kid out for your husband needs to understand that your children come first and he needs to realize that kids are gonna yell and get into fights with you because thats what we kids do we feel that is the only way you listen to us is if we yell so what im trying to say is you need to keep your son in the house no matter how big your husband thinks the fight was and i realize that you love him but you also should love your children and care for them more because they are children they arent adults like him he can take care of himself your children cant..i hope i helped
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hey i know i am only 14 but i think the answer may be to sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel and tell him that you love your son very much and if he expects you to kick out YOU SON then he is not the man for you i know you love him but he is trying to make you sacrifice you failly everything you have worked for i know it seems hard and unfair but you just need to talk to him about it and if you do i think that he will understand if he loves you. i hope that helps a bit
Reality.
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If your husband refuses to join you and your son in counseling, which is an entirely reasonable suggestion, then it sounds to me like he doesn't really want the marriage to succeed. It could be that he is using your son as an excuse to move out, but he has other motivations.
I would suggest that you and your kids go to counseling without your husband, since he won't go, so you can deal with the trauma of what your family is going through right now. But do stick with your son. He needs you.
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EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT
I do apologize for misreading the question, but thanks for not just giving me a 1.
If I would have known more of the details such as your husbands condition and how your son reacted, I probably wouldn't have come across so harshly.
But it's never too late for counciling, and if he refuses to do that, then is the marriage really worth it? It actually seems like he doesn't want to save the marriage. I know you're son is also at fault, but you're the mom, you can ground him, or do whatever parents do to their kids (though at this age is harder to teach them respect and junk like he needs to learn) Anyway, I still think this man is a piece of junk. Whether he's sick or not, he still should go to counciling and it's never too late for counciling. When I was anorexic I hated the idea of counciling, I lost soo much weight, but my parents didn't give up on me, it might have seemed too late, but I still saw a "shrink" and your whole family should see a family councilor. You mention you have other kids, what do they feel about this whole situation, kids do keep things in, I usually write my feelings in poems, but still this would be a GREAT oppertunity for your husband and son to find out how they are effecting your family!!!!!!!!!!!!
If they're still being hard-headed about counciling, then maybe you should show them this questions and these answers, it might help them realize what they're doing, how they're making you feel, such as you're resulting to an advice site getting advice from people ages 13+, and maybe then they will take on counciling.
Sorry again about my mis reading, hope this helps you a little more, but I still left below what I had originally put. Good luck, <3 Kate <3
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First off, I apologize if I mis-read the question in some way, but here is my answer.
He wants you to get rid of your son??!! What kind of man is this?! And the way you're asking this, it seems like you're considering it? Which bring me to my next question, WHAT KIND OF MOM ARE YOU?!?!?
If you're eldest son is 15, then how can he be ready to move out in only a few months. The only way that would be possible is if in a few months he's 16, and if where ever you live (as in if you live out of the US) that is the age of an adult. Actually there's another term I'm looking for, but I can't think of the word, but it's when the child is 16, he/she is old enough to move out but only if they are able to take care of themselves, or soemthing like that.
Anyway, if this man wants you to get rid of your son, then the marriage is NOT worth it. That is a horrible man right there. It doesn't matter who's fault it is that they're fighting, but you shouldn't kick your son out because of it!!!!!
The second you gave birth, you made those kids the most important thing in your life. You should be someone willing to risk your life for them, I'm not saying spoil them, just make sure they have what they need to survive, but instead you get remarried (not a bad thing) but the man wants the kid out of the house. And a home is something the child needs to survive. I am his age, and I couldn't imagine my parents wanting me out of the house. Now I might have gotten the wrong impression, I know that you haven't sent your son away, and I have high hopes that you would put your son over you newest husband, but maybe you have reasons I know not of.
To sum it up, if a man comes between you and your child, and wants your child gone, and will divorce you because you let your UNDERAGE child live with you, then he doesn't really love and respect you, and you should divorce his sorry ***!!!!
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