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Mixed Feelings
I really appreciate anyone who decides to read this and help me, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.
I've been in a relationship, on and off with a boy for two years now - I'm just about to turn 18, while he's just about to turn twenty. For most of our being together our relationship has been really unstable, him always unsure if he wanted to be with me. I look back at myself and wonder why I spent so many nights worrying and letting myself become so attached.
We had what was supposed to be our 'final breakup' right around New Year's eve. I was hurt, and we were split for a little over a month, and started talking again. Not too long after, we started actually becoming connected in all of the ways we hadn't been before. To be honest, right now I'd have to say that he's probably my best friend, and we share everything with eachother. This is probably the best our relationship has ever been, and I should be loving every minute of it.
The problem? While we were split, I got to know a friend of his, *Jeffery, really well. This is someone who has betrayed my boyfriend in the past, there are shaky feelings between them although they still see eachother occasionally. I got to know Jefferey better and better and really began to like him, and him me. I stopped talking to him for the most part because I was afraid that it would hurt my boyfriend, although we were not together at the time. After a short time I thought that I made a mistake, but by then me and my (then ex-)boyfriend had started to talk again. My boyfriend and I have been together since.
Lately, me and Jefferey have been seeing a lot of eachother through mutual friends. We still have feelings for eachother, and it has been driving me crazy. While things are going really well in my relationship with my boyfriend, I feel like I will always have this question in the back of my mind, "what if". Recently me and Jeffery were hanging out together, and he tried to kiss me. I didn't let him, and told him we shouldn't hang out anymore unless I break it off with my boyfriend. I feel like this was a horrible mistake, but I feel very insecure about breaking things off with my boyfriend, who has been so great to me during all of this. We have no secrets from eachother, and I did not cheat on him. I think that Jeffery might have 'given up' on trying to be with me, and I feel a little defeated and negative about myself. I feel like I should have been more decisive, but I don't know what to think. I wish I had gotten to know Jeffery more while I was single.
Thanks to anyone who read this long thing, and thanks doubly to anyone who offers advice. My mind is a mess over this.
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My advice to you is that everyone goes through there confusing period of time. But if you and your boyfriend are doing well now and its what you been wanting for a while why would you throw that away? Just stay how you are . Jeffrey was maybe just a temptation to see if you really liked your boyfriend but if you wouldve liked Jeffrey more than you would've kissed him when you had the chance no matter what the circumstances were. If Jeffrey betrayed his friend knowin a frienship is very sacred then what makes you think he wont do it to you? these are all questions that bring drama and i think you're stabled with your boyfriend so dont cause drama if theres no need to.. you know what they say "if it aint broke, dont fix it" :) good luck !
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do you like the relation ship that you are in now? like .. is he giving you all you need .. and making you happy.. if yes, then dont worrie about Jeffery . because you are happy with what you have now.
if no, reconsider jeffery.. maybe you should ask your b/f for a break .. and talk to Mister Jeffery more.. and maybe try to work up a relation ship again with him.
best of luck
Justine <3
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You have to think about what is best for you and also the outcomes of what might happen depending on what you choose to do. You said your boyfriend and you had an unstable relationship to start with but now its ok - do you think it will ever go back to being unstable again? If you definitely think it will then think about how miserable he made you back then and how there is no way you want him to make you feel that way again. You deserve more in a relationship than always feeling unstable and insecure about it - relationships aren't about that.
Secondly, if you really think you have a future with this other guy then go for it but take things very slowly. You said he betrayed your boyfriend - in what way? Could he betray you like he betrayed your boyfriend?
You have to remember that if you split up with your boyfriend and then start seeing this guy immediately then your boyfriend will not take it well. If you split up with your boyfriend and want a relationship with this other guy then just play at being friends first and if you are definite you want to take things further then it might be an idea to talk to your boyfriend about it first instead of him having to find out from someone else. I hope i have helped a little and good luck
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Wow; that was quite the novel, theRe. OF COURSE this is easieR *SAID* than *DONE*, and it's obviously so simple foR *ME* to come out and say, because I am not the one going thRough all of this right now.. *YOU* aRe. But just know that I *have* been theRe, and I am quite awaRe of the not-so-gReat feelings, to put it simply. FRankly, though unfoRtunate, I say the best thing foR you to do would be to put JeffeRy on hold foR now. I am a fiRm believeR of neveR letting youR boyfRiend come between youRself and family/fRiends, but in THIS case, it Really does seem like an appRopRiate action. But RemembeR this: if you and JeffeRy aRe meant to be... you *WILL* be, eventually, when the timing is Right. All in all, I think it still comes down to the question: who do you WANT to be with? NOT who aRe you afRaid of HURTING.. NOT who do you feel you OWE something to... WHO do you WANT to be with? What is going to make YOU the most happie? I'm soRRie if this isn't the type of advice you weRe seeking, but know that I am always, always, always heRe if you eveR need a second opinion. I wish you the veRy best of luck - I Really DO hope things woRk out foR you!
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ok, here is a question to ask yourself. Are you and the boyfriend really in love or is your relationship more of a habit? Know what I mean, Are you just staying together because it's easy and all that? I just wonder because if you had really strong feelings of love for him I don't think you would be having feelings for Jeffrey. I may be wrong, and you certainly want to be comfortable in your relationship nothing wrong with that at all! Try to figure out what it is thats missing with the boyfriend because I think something is. This probably hasn't been a whole lot of help but maybe gives you something to think about. Good Luck. :)
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Sounds a lot like what happened to me. I can't really give you any solid advice, only a few suggestions...
In my opinion, from what you've told me, it sounds to me like you and your boyfriend have managed to work through your issues. I think that this relationship has a lot of potential.
However, I also understand that after breaking up and getting back together several times, even though the two of you are now best friends, you might still be experiencing some doubts or some emotional strain. This might be contributing to your "what if..." thoughts.
Ultimately, you will have to decide. If you decide to stay together, I would suggest trying to distance yourself from Jeffery. More out of respect for your boyfriend's feelings, since this particular friend has come between him and a girlfriend in the past. Otherwise, it may be difficult for him to trust you. If you decide to break up with your boyfriend, I would also like to point out that it may be difficult to get back together later if you date this Jeffery fellow and things don't work out. He's liable to feel betrayed and not trust you anymore. Though, a clean break all together would probably be best. It could be that my guess is wrong, and if you still remain "friends" not only would Jeffery feel distrustful, but the subject of getting back together could pop up in a lot of your conversations. I know it did for me.
I don't know Jeremy, and I don't know what happened in the past. But from what you've told me, I'm growing suspicious that Jeffery can't be trusted. The reason that I say this...Trust is important, not just in a relationship, but in friendships as well. My best friend and I have an unspoken rule: we keep our hands off each other's boyfriends, ex-boyfriends included. It would be disrespectful to each other's feeling otherwise, and seriously endanger our friendship. That's a risk neither one of us is willing to take.
What I am trying to say...If Jeffery could be so inconsiderate, and throw away his friendship with your boyfriend over a girl. If he could attempt to hit on you while he knew that the two of you are together...What would stop him from being equally inconsiderate with your feelings, and throwing your relationship away when another girl came along? Like I said, I could be wrong, I don't know the guy. But not only would I give some serious thought to how valuable your current relationship is, I would consider who you would be dumping him for.
I would also like to remind you that, when you are in a relationship, no matter how successful, you will always have those thoughts. "What if this...What if that..." It's normal. There will always be some point when things when get rough and you wonder what might have been. What I have learned: value the present, value what you have. Don't second guess yourself. Because it might be that "what might have been" might not be so much better than what you have now. As the corny old saying goes, "The grass is always greener on the other side."
Sorry I couldn't be of more help to you. My inbox is always open...Until then...Adieu ;)
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hmm.. well as long as your going out with your boyfriend, you should probably stay away from Jeffrey, to avoid liking him more or someone getting hurt. on the otherhand, it looks like you and your bf have had some bumpy relationships in the past. if you really like jeffrey, hey, go for it! although you & your bf have become closer, it might end up in a heartbreak again. but then again, it might not, because you guys have learned more about each other and have gotten into a better relationship. you have to decide who you like better, my best advice is to just follow your heart. i hope this will help you make your desicion!
MiiCHELLE..*
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